Beaten to death with a baseball bat
A man is in court for murder and the judge says, 'You have been found guilty of beating your wife to death with a baseball bat."
A voice in the back of the courtroom says, "You bastard."
Then the judge continues, "You have also been found guilty of beating your daughter to death with a baseball bat."
Again, the voice in the back of the court says, "You bastard."
The judge says, "Now, we can't have any more outbursts like that or I will find you in contempt of court. Now, what's your problem?"
The man in the back of the courtroom says, "For fifteen years I've lived next door to this bastard, and every time I played a game of baseball and asked to borrow a bat, he said he never had one."