I realize your post is mostly in jest, but this statement is not true.
https://www.mlb.com/news/munetaka-murakami-market-mlb?partnerID=mlbapp-iOS_article-share
Also, see @caulfield12‘s more recent article above. Meanwhile, all we have is Jim Duquette saying the White Sox could sign him because they have a low payroll and money to spend. Jim must’ve forgotten who currently owns the White Sox.