Reddy

QUOTE (Y2HH @ Dec 5, 2012 -> 11:50 AM) Again, I repeat -- it has nothing to do with communication or playing games, what you just posed above are two entirely different things. A person that's unhappy with their marriage is exactly that, unhappy with their marriage. That's not always for lack of communication (this is usually quite minor when it comes to unhappy marriages), and it has nothing to do with playing games. Divorce is met with a number of excuses, from boredom, to lack of communication...when the obvious reality is much simpler. It's an easy way out for people that put themselves into a situation they weren't ready for, nor did they even understand what it truly was. Marriage is something a lot of people do because it's, well...a thing to do. Actual marriage is an entirely different animal. lol nobody is ready for marriage when they get married. nobody knows what it is ahead of time. everyone figures it out AS they're going through it. and the best way to work your way through something like that? Have an open and honest line of communication at all times. end of story.

QUOTE (Y2HH @ Dec 5, 2012 -> 11:50 AM) Again, I repeat -- it has nothing to do with communication or playing games, what you just posed above are two entirely different things. A person that's unhappy with their marriage is exactly that, unhappy with their marriage. That's not always for lack of communication, and it has nothing to do with playing games. Don't plant goalposts then move them. um... i guarantee you 99% of people who are unhappy in relationships are unhappy because they don't communicate well with their significant other. if they were OPEN about their feelings, and then at that point the other person shut them down, didn't care enough to fix the issues, then we're dealing with another problem and you should re-evaluate whether or not you should be in the relationship. i'm baffled that you don't think unhappiness stems from lack of communication about wants and needs. where else does it come from then?

QUOTE (Y2HH @ Dec 5, 2012 -> 09:06 AM) Cheating has nothing to do with communication or or playing games. lol you don't think that men who are unhappy in their marriages are more likely to cheat? come on, you're not that thick.

QUOTE (greg775 @ Dec 5, 2012 -> 12:49 AM) Maybe but I think cheating happens cause the cheating partner is a snake and wants sexual gratification with somebody new. lol not necessarily true at all. it can be a breakdown of communication over time and something that just happens. not all cheating is pre-meditated. It doesn't make it more ok - it's not - but i'm just saying that if you pare it all down to the most BASIC LEVEL - all problems in relationships come from not communicating and not being honest.

QUOTE (greg775 @ Dec 4, 2012 -> 11:58 PM) There's also a lot of cheating going on leading to divorces. I know so many guys who cheat. I can't believe they get married. I think I told u all before I went to a bachelor party in Vegas and at least 2/3 of the guys there cheated on their wives. Some even with hookers. Geezus. What clowns. You should have heard some of the things they were saying about their lives. I guess the deal is a lot of these guys find a woman they think will be a great mom to their kids and have a couple kids and the family life. Yet they continue to have sex with tons of other women. A lot of guys I know have money and it seems a lot of guys with money think they are hot s*** and get TONS of women to sleep with them. I think it's sad. If you marry ... then obey your f***ing vows or get a divorce. cheating happens because people aren't HONEST with each other and play games.

QUOTE (knightni @ Dec 4, 2012 -> 02:26 PM) Forget the games; just communicate with each other. You're not mind-readers. thank. you. all this talk of game playing is ridiculous and the reason the divorce rate is so high. just be honest. amazing how that works.

QUOTE (flippedoutpunk @ Dec 4, 2012 -> 01:36 PM) I always just set my expectations to zero and act like an asshole that way the girl has no preconceived notions about the type of guy I am. That way when she actually becomes my gf shes not expecting a romantic Fabio type, and I can easily surprise her by doing simple things like actually wearing jeans instead of sweat pants with mustard stains every night. Its worked every single time since I was about 20 years old. lol and we get the other end of the spectrum happy medium guys.

QUOTE (Y2HH @ Dec 4, 2012 -> 09:22 AM) Reading these comments above, it's no wonder you guys all are losing your girls...you're trying too damn hard to be likable and too busy trying to buy her affection like little boys. I completely agree.

QUOTE (2nd_city_saint787 @ Dec 2, 2012 -> 01:09 PM) I've worked for a bowling alley restaurant for 2 years lol....i know its completely different because all the food was frozen but ive also been the cook at my house for the last 5 or 6 years....often times cooking for 7 and that makes you think you've got all the skills required to run a restaurant? grab some books and read up about it, talk to people who run restaurants. simply put: do your research and learn as much as you can! then put together a proposal. then you can look for business partners. then you can attempt to get a loan. gotta crawl before you can run. but i love the fact that you're passionate about this. with enough passion you can accomplish anything, but you gotta do it right.

well i talked to her last night oddly enough. i'd sent her an email. earlier in the day saying I need to ignore a couple dates we'd set up down the road to "check in" because they aren't going to let me heal properly. I'm going to keep looking forward to those dates and hoping instead of just focusing on where I am NOW and what I need to do NOW. And I felt like she deserved to know how I felt about that. later we talked on the phone for an hour - probably the best conversation we've ever had. but I brought up the movie card, and she laughed and told me that she swiped the card without really thinking about it - just on autopilot - but when the thing printed out that she had a reward, she realized what she'd done and she started crying and then couldn't use the reward. so i'm actually not sure what's gonna happen on that front because we pretty much moved on from there and forgot about it. regardless, we both decided on a 'no rules' way of proceeding. if you feel you need no contact, then do it. if you feel you want to contact the other person do it. we've always been 100% honest with each other and we don't play games, so that's the way we'll continue. as long as we're honest with ourselves and each other we'll be fine, and whatever will be will be. fortunately neither of us is crazy and we both see the value in taking time for ourselves right now. even i'm on board with it at this point, because i've been doing a lot of good soul searching and making awesome progress on a lot of things in my life, and I feel that if we're GOING to be together in the long run, it has to happen from a completely fresh start - and that means no lingering feelings or emotions from the last relationship. Yeah I know. Weirdest. Breakup. Ever.

so i know this is stupid, but I've been No Contact w/ my ex for almost two weeks, but got an email tonight that I'd earned a reward on my AMC Stubs Card (movie card), meaning she used it tonight. it really made my stomach knot up and i kinda freaked for no reason. Not because I worry about her being with a guy (she saw Rise of the Guardians AND paid for both tickets, meaning probably her roomie and she was trying to rack up reward points) but because it was ODD to know exactly where she was and what she was doing - especially when it was something that we did together and loved doing together. I mean, obviously she's not gonna stop watching movies, but movie dates were like... our thing. haha i know that's lame and unexciting but we loved it. so now I'm like... what do I do? Ask her to get her own card instead of benefiting from the money i'd spent to rack up points, let it go and unsubscribe from the notifications, OR do I use the reward first? Mostly kidding on that last option. Mostly.

QUOTE (2nd_city_saint787 @ Dec 2, 2012 -> 12:20 AM) It's not gonna happen because I don't have the money nor would I be likely to get approved for a loan but given the opportunity I'd take it in a second. This particular spot would be a one man band, I'd run everything, I'd be the only employee. So I wouldn't have to worry about paying anyone but myself. I'd just have to budget the bills and cost of food. ( I'd love the opportunity. At one point I was actually under the impression that I would assist in running a pizza place so I took to facebook to generate some buzz and thats something I'd wanna implement into my business if i were to ever run one. I know a guy who's got a printer/cutter or whatever who can print me out business cards for bottom dollar and I wanna give those out with every order and the link to my facebook page and influence them to give me some feedback. Me, the guy that just made their food, bonding with them gives them a bit of familiarity and sense of comfort in coming back time and time again. that alone shows you that you have very little concept of how a restaurant works. you CAN'T be the chef, the guy who takes the money, and the manager all in one. what happens when a guest has an issue with something but can't find you cuz you're cooking? or what's to stop people from walking out without paying cuz you're busy in the back doing something else? beyond that, how are you going to work 12 hours days 7 days a week, 365/year? that's impossible. I absolutely believe you can do whatever you dream for yourself - HOWEVER you also have to learn everything you possibly can about implementing said dream before you do it, or you're gonna go down in a ball of flames.

QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 02:20 PM) I don't think it's a stretch to say you're both right. Give her the space right away. Let her reach out to make first contact, because she will. And then if he wants to go back after her, do the whole courting process. agreed.

QUOTE (nitetrain8601 @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 12:59 PM) No doubt. But girls will tend to act based on their emotions in time. If they were together for a few years already, she's going to want him to take it serious, or don't bother. Sounds like he pretty much brushed her off, or did as good as he could do, and it wasn't good enough for her needs. So she wants him to change or just end it. But she wants some type of closure to the situation. i'm pretty sure she already ended it........ and she dumped HIM, why should she expect ANYTHING in return??

QUOTE (nitetrain8601 @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 12:56 PM) And we're assuming that he has done nothing wrong. and you're assuming that SHE hasn't done anything wrong.

QUOTE (iamshack @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 12:29 PM) People say all kinds of BS when they breakup...you guys are assuming she is even telling the truth to him in the first place. ezzactly.

QUOTE (nitetrain8601 @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 12:17 PM) I disagree with your disagree because she wants him to change. Normally, if she's looking to move on, she could care less if you change as a person because she's not planning on dealing with you ever again. I'm not saying he needs to beg her and be at her doorstep all the time. I'm saying, give her space, but also when she's ready to talk, take her out to a nice restaurant. Go for a walk along the lake, hold her hand. Show affection. a girl who wants you to change some thing AND still wants to make it work with you won't dump you in the first place. and a girl who says "unless you change these things, you can't have me" isn't worth having. relationships are a give and take on BOTH sides, not just on hers. Right now she holds ALL the cards. going NC takes them back.

QUOTE (nitetrain8601 @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 11:29 AM) It means she wants you to go ahead and court her again. She's going to leave the door open, but she's not going to push you through it. It's up to you though, to decide whether you want it. It will disappoint her if you don't chase her, but she'll eventually get over it. Most importantly though, if you don't think you'll be happy giving her the attention she wants, then move on as you will cause each other less pain by doing so. dis. a. gree. if she says she wants space and you don't give it to her, it's going to crush ANY chance you have at reconciliation. elamins you need to cut ALL contact so she can see what life is like without you. then if she wants you back, you'll know.

QUOTE (greg775 @ Dec 1, 2012 -> 04:13 AM) I agree with your statement in the first paragraph. Are there any storybook marriages anymore? Where neither side plays games and the man and woman are best friends and enter into a life of bliss? Or is it constantly trying to play "the game" like what you described where the girl will only come back if the guy no longer cares whether she does or not? there never WERE storybook marriages... except in stories... there's no such thing as a life of bliss. life is hard work, and so are relationships. all you can do is the very best you can to enjoy it as much as possible. even THAT takes a lot of work.

QUOTE (greg775 @ Nov 30, 2012 -> 02:48 AM) Yeah I'd agree. The question is, is she going to try to get the original boyfriend back at some point? maybe, maybe not, but dude has to move on. that's advice i need to follow myself right now, but the ONLY way she'd ever come back is if he no longer cares whether or not she comes back. Ironic, but reality. but with this girl, i'm thinking he dodged a bullet...

ugh you guys are hilarious. Roids do not make a crappy player a hall of famer. they make a great player a hall of famer. a bad player becomes less bad. a mediocre player becomes decent. Roids do NOT take a BAD player and make them the best hitting catcher in the game.

QUOTE (southsider2k5 @ Nov 28, 2012 -> 08:57 AM) I would bet there is something that has been bothering her for a long time that either she didn't talk about and let it build up, or told you and you didn't hear it. Either way, it sounds like things are bad in her eyes. this. having just gone through a breakup of my own that "blindsided me", it's never actually out of the blue. these things build up, and there are always signs, you just ignore them until it's too late. in a perfect world our significant other would tell us the moment they're second guessing or having doubts, and we'd be able to work through them. Unfortunately, they think that by NOT telling you they're sparing your feelings, when in reality it's just making everything worse in the long run. the really big red flag here is her telling you that YOU need to change in order to be with her. She's taking the power and the control of not just the relationship, but of YOU - and that's a kind of person you don't need to be with. when things aren't good in a relationship, it's rarely one-sided. We all make mistakes and could have handled things better. To pin it all on you is immature, disrespectful, and indicative of the person she is. go no contact dude. you have to.

QUOTE (iamshack @ Nov 25, 2012 -> 08:01 PM) The question is, is she hot?

QUOTE (RockRaines @ Nov 21, 2012 -> 04:46 PM) 1200 calories burned, ready for tomorrow. Hope you're eating enough.

QUOTE (knightni @ Nov 21, 2012 -> 06:30 AM) They say that? Where you been Knight?