http://www.theonion.com/content/news_brief..._ozzie_guillens
CHICAGO—Still fuming after his team blew a late-inning lead in a loss to the Rays Sunday, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen filled out Tuesday night's lineup card with a series of expletives, insults, and personal attacks on his players. The lineup card, posted in the dugout at approximately 6 p.m., referred to the team as the "Chicago s*** Sox," and read in part, "1. Orlando f***ing Cabrera, 2. Goddamn Motherf***ing Neckless Bastard A.J. s***bag Pierzynski DUMB!!! f***!!!, 3. Jermaine f***ing Gonna Dye f***ing s*** 0-For-5 s***f*** f*** f***ing f***nuts Asshole Just Try Me Motherf***er." Guillen also announced that Nick s***licker [swisher] would be starting in centerfield and Jim Thome would be the "designated f***face." Upon noticing that "Cocksucking Assbag Motherf***ing s***f***ing Numbnuts f***hole" was penciled into the No. 4 spot, Paul Konerko expressed delight that he was batting cleanup.