GASHWOUND

Who was the Astros manager that came from the booth to manage the stros? I think he resigned a couple years ago..I should know this but my mind is drawing a blank..which happens alot

Has anyone seen it? I'm going to the 5:30 showing tonight. Hoping its good..

I agree, I would take Hawk over f***in Manuel anyday of the week to manage this club

Jimenez to short, call up Miles to play 2nd? But Jimenz sucks too

Also we were getting dominated by freakin Adam Bernero who is 0-6, 5.87 ERA until that GS by Lee Go figure..actually, surprisingly there's a nother good crowd at the game...25,000?? or so

The key word there is "may"

Well, we're only up 4-3 in the 5th...so stand by with the tears...I won't be satisfied until we're leading with 3 outs in the bottom of the 9th

Whoa, i take that back..only Heather's the jinx

This s*** is f***in ridicules..We've gone through..what? 6 different coached under Manuel..3 or 4 hitting coaches, 2 or 3 pitching coaches and STILL JM stays put...Everybody's getting fired BUT Manuel..This s*** is a f***ing FARSE!!!

We're getting dominated by a guy who is 0-6, with a 5.87 ERA Somebody shoot me

You were saying? Should have known since Carlos is a jinx you would be also

Bernie Mac is my personal hero for saying "Root, root root for the White SOX" at Wrigley Field when he was the guest singer. Bernie Mac is so freaking funny. Him being a Sox fan is just like extra fudge on a sunday. I'm still confused on that, when he appeared on the Tonight Show(I think it was) he said he was a Cubs fan

There you go people, sorry..thought even though it was members you guys could see that one page.

10. SUPERMAN Secret identity: Clark Kent Origin: Kal-El, an orphan from the planet Krypton, was adopted by farmers the Kents. Power: He can fly, and he possesses superstrength, invulnerability, X-ray vision, heat vision, freezing breath—and two clanking balls of steel. Why so lame: He’s a cornfed, holier-than-thou Boy Scout with a lame disguise. C’mon! 9. CAPTAIN PLANET Secret identity: Sting (um, we think) Origin: Summoned when five multiethnic kids combined the power of their rings, Captain Planet helps thwart ecovillains. Power: He can fly, and he sports a green mullet; weaknesses include littering, toxic waste. Can never enter New Jersey. Why so lame: He’s Greenpeace’s own Superman! 8. APACHE CHIEF Secret identity: Token Native American Origin: Apache Chief was given his superabilities by his tribe’s medicine man. Power: By saying a magic word, Apache Chief can grow 50 feet tall—but as his costume’s a loincloth, the view ain’t pretty. Why so lame: Seems like more of a Mohegan Sun attraction than a superhero. 7. DR. HENRY PYM Secret identity: Lessee, there’s Yellowjacket, Ant-Man, Goliath… Origin: After thugs murdered his wife, Pym assumed a number of different superhero identities, all pathetic. Power: Can become big or little. Has Napoleon and reverse-Napoleon complexes. Why so lame: One awful identity is bad enough, but Pym has struck out four different times. 6. BANSHEE Secret identity: Sean Cassidy Origin: An Irish member of Interpol, Banshee actually got his start as a bad guy before Professor X sought him out to join the X-Men. Been fighting the good fight, downing Guinness, and pestering ’N Sync with his résumé ever since. Power: His scream can shatter and destroy things, and he can fly. Banshee does not, however, have the gift of the blarney. Why so lame: What? You mean besides the fact that he’s known to villains as Shrieks-Like-a-Girl Man? Couldn’t they come up with something better? Shillelagh Man would’ve been 10 times cooler. 5. DAZZLER Secret identity: Alison Blaire Origin: Using her hush-hush abilities, Dazzler became a famous disco singer, but the mirrored ball stopped turning when a boyfriend persuaded her to reveal to the world that she was a despised mutant. Typical. Power: She can convert sound into brilliant displays of light and color. “Ooh!” “Aah!” Why so lame: OK, you’re a hardened crook, and what’s that in the distance? A shining chick in a silver jumpsuit on roller skates zooming to irritate your corneas! Dazzler should have gone down with the disco ship. Fun fact: Is the only hero ever to have been spotted at Studio 54. 4. MATTER-EATER LAD Secret identity: Tenzil Kem Origin: Matter-Eater Lad was born on the toxic planet Bismoll (no word on its companion star Pepto), where the locals evolved superguts that enabled them to eat any substance—even British food. Was allowed to join the Legion of Super-Heroes, who will apparently take just about anybody. Power: Can consume any matter—animal, vegetable, or mineral. Is a big hit with the ladies. Why so lame: Let’s say Matter-Eater Lad was trapped in a steel-reinforced concrete vault. He could eat his way out of it. But those bowel movements… 3. DOCTOR STRANGE Secret identity: Stephen Strange Origin: After a car accident impaired his abilities as a surgeon, Stephen Strange moved to N.Y.C.’s fabulous West Village, hired an Asian manservant, and became a…sorcerer. Power: He wears the fashionable “Eye of Agamotto” necklace that can do all sorts of plot-convenient things, like open up dimensional gateways. Also has a Swedish-porn-star mustache. Why so lame: Dr. Strange is Dr. Ka-ray-zee! Looks like he’d be comfortable in a kimono, sipping a martini before asking you to play strip Jenga with the rest of the hepcat swingers. 2. AQUAMAN Secret identity: Arthur Curry Origin: Aquaman was born to a mixed marriage: His father was an average Joe, and his mother was the deposed queen of an advanced underwater civilization. Devoted himself to crime fighting to avenge the death of his childhood sea monkeys or some s***. Currently playing comic relief for a number of different supergroups. Power: He can breathe underwater, swim fast, and, best of all, communicate with fish. Plus, his fingers never, ever get wrinkly. Why so lame: “I’m trapped in…frigging…tuna net again. Swordfish! Hear and obey! Stop laughing and cut me loose!” 1. ROBIN Status: Sidekick Secret identity: Dick Grayson Origin: Dick watched helplessly as his circus acrobat parents got whacked by some Gotham City gangsters. (Hey, we just figured out why!) Adopted by Bruce Wayne/Batman and vowing revenge, he became the fearsome, um, Boy Wonder. Evil—snicker—better beware! Power: He can swing from ropes, ride shotgun, tidy up the living room, and peek out from behind Batman’s cape. Why so lame: Robin isn’t just lame—he’s hands-down the most embarrassing, useless, and completely ridiculous superhero ever. No powers, a femmy nickname, a figure-skater costume, and no actual responsibilities of his own. Why he wasn’t super-wedgied a long time ago is beyond us.

20. MOON KNIGHT Secret identities: Marc Spector, Steven Grant, Jake Lockley Origin: Marc Spector gave up the soldier-of-fortune biz and invented several new identities, including Moon Knight. Power: None. Why so lame: What kind of “nocturnal avenger” wears all white? Why not just put blinking lights on your head, dork? 19. PUCK Secret identity: Eugene Judd Origin: Soldier of fortune (that’s original) Eugene fell victim to an evil spirit that transformed him into a beefy midget. D’oh! Power: He’s very strong and can somersault ferociously. Why so lame: He’s a midget in a leotard named for a chunk of rubber that gets slapped around by Canadians. Any questions? 18. HOURMAN Secret identity: Rex Tyler Origin: Rex developed an addictive miracle drug named Miraclo (duh!), which gives a person momentary superpowers. Power: Strength, near-invulnerability, and speed…for an hour. Why so lame: His powers can be nullified by a traffic delay. When taken in the bedroom, he becomes 30-second Man. 17. MAN-THING Secret identity: Ted Sallis Origin: A lab accident in a swamp turned biochemist Sallis into a lumbering heap of vegetation. Power: Photosynthesis. His touch burns anyone who fears him. Looks pretty in the den, by the window. Why so lame: He looks like something a vegan vomited up. 16. BLACK LIGHTNING Secret identity: Jefferson Pierce Origin: Jefferson acquired an electricity-generating superbelt to help him fight crime and dispense justice in the ghetto. Power: Can generate electricity—enough to power a small black-and-white television for up to 20 minutes. Why so lame: Judging by Black Lightning’s credentials (disco tights and funky belt), Bootsy Collins could be a superhero. 15. WONDER WOMAN Secret identity: Princess Diana (no, not that one) Origin: Chosen by the Amazons to serve as their crime-fighting champion in the world of Man. Power: Superstrength, a pair of bullet-deflecting bracelets, and a gold lasso that makes people tell the truth. In other words, the girlfriend from hell. Why so lame: PMS. See this star-spangled stripper in the parking lot, feeling around for her invisible jet? Back off. 14. SHE-HULK Secret identity: Jennifer Walters Origin: The Mob tried to rub out Jenny with a shower of bullets…Little did they know her cousin was Bruce “the Hulk” Banner. After an emergency green-blood transfusion, Jennifer became the She-Hulk. Power: She has superstrength; can pulverize any johnson between her mighty she-labia. Why so lame: Basically, she’s just a hot green chick. Yawn. 13. FIRESTORM Secret identities: Ronny Raymond and Martin Stein Origin: An accident fused the minds of student Ronny and professor Martin into one hero: Firestorm. Power: He can fly and phase through solid objects. Why so lame: Imagine trying to fight crime as a voice in your head corrects your grammar… 12. THOR Secret identity: Donald Blake Origin: The son of the Norse god Odin, Thor was punished for his arrogance and forced to assume the part-time identity of a crippled medical student. Power: He has superstrength, flight, and a magic hammer; has amazing blond hair with body and bounce! Why so lame: Any superhero who’d be played by Fabio should quit and start hitting the mead. 11. GREEN ARROW Secret identity: Oliver Queen Origin: Stuck on a deserted island, Oliver taught himself the hunting skills that he’d later use to fight bad guys. Power: He has incredible aim—also uses trick arrows that wear cute boxing gloves. Why so lame: Archery skills were long ago left in the dust by more advanced weapons…like, oh, say, clubs.

It's members only. I can't get to it. oops, soory bout that..I'll paste it No disrespect to your polyvinyl-encased, cherished mint-condition Hulk #181, but most of those superheroes we loved in our youth were, in retrospect, lamer than Jimmy Buffett…singing Abba songs…in a Holiday Inn rest room. Bad costumes, useless powers, strange, um, “affiliations”…The world of superpowered do-gooders is a crapshoot, to say the least. But with so many of them invading movies and TV lately, we decided to catalog the very worst…the costumed flops who’d make even Siegfried and Roy point and giggle. Excelsior! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30. Silver Surfer Status: Member of the Defenders Secret identity: Norrin Rad Origin: In exchange for planet-eating Galactus sparing his home world of Zenn-la, Norrin Rad became his lackey, the Silver Surfer. Eventually, he defies the gargantuan planet hog and starts using his power for good. Power: He has superstrength, invulnerability, and can shoot beams of the “power cosmic.” Also has great balance. Why so lame: More like a living billboard for sports drinks, the Silver Surfer always looked like he was traversing the cosmos buck naked. And why would an alien space traveler have a surfboard anyway? 29. Blue Beetle Status: Member of the Justice League of America Secret identity: Ted Kord Origin: Ted Kord, former chairman of the board of KORD Inc., uses his electronic genius to fight crime as the Blue Beetle. Power: He’s got none, but he does own a buttload of giant beetle-shaped gadgets and vehicles. Why so lame: He’s a little too in love with his whole bizarre “Beetle” motif. It’s not as if beetles are extraordinary bugs or anything. Now, Crimson Caterpillar—that’s a name! 28. Green Lantern Status: Member of the Justice League of America Secret identity: Multiple; currently Kyle Rayner Origin: One of over 3,000 members comprising the Corps, Green Lantern of Space Sector 2814 protects Earth, the surrounding cosmos, and the Diamond District. Power: A ring that can create force fields, cast destructive beams, heal the wounded, and make the gals at the parlor positively green with envy. Why so lame: His superpowers come from battery-powered jewelry. Most degradingly, he’s defenseless against the color yellow. If you should encounter the Lantern, shower him in spray butter. While he obsessive-compulsively polishes his ring, run. 27. Darkman Status: Probably lurking somewhere—watch behind you! Secret identity: Peyton Westlake Origin: Hideously burned by gangsters who were ransacking his laboratory, Darkman lurks in the shadows, fighting injustice and changing his face more often than his underwear. Power: Synthetic skin enables Darkman to assume different identities but only for brief amounts of time. He’s also—what’s the term? —totally f***ing nuts. Why so lame: A walking plastic surgery disaster? What kind of hero is that?! 26. The Phantom Status: Former member of the Defenders of the Earth Secret identity: Kit Walker Origin: After witnessing his parents killed by pirates (arrrh!), the mysterious Phantom, um, shakes his fist and threatens bad guys from his jungle hideout. Power: He’s got no powers to speak of. He is known, though, to carry handguns, and he sports a ring with a skull on it. He also wears purple tights. Or would that be “eggplant”? Why so lame: A pair of six-shooters and a trusty steed are fine if you’re Clint Eastwood. But if you’re a hermit in a unitard, it sucks. 25. SHE-RA Secret identity: Princess Adora Origin: He-Man’s twin sister. Power: She has superstrength, a flying pony, and ’roid-rage-fueled PMS. Why so lame: When bad guys are hunky, she must remember to tape over her supernipples before getting into costume or they’ll slice through the fabric, traumatizing children. 24. DAREDEVIL Secret identity: Matt Murdock Origin: Blinded by radioactive waste, Murdock swore to fight crime after goons murdered his boxer dad. Is also a lawyer. Power: He has batlike radar sense that makes up for his lack of seeingness…sort of. Why so lame: He’s. A. Blind. Superhero. What’s next? Quadriplegic Stone Deaf Man? 23. CAPTAIN MARVEL Secret identity: Billy Batson Origin: A subway-dwelling wizard (yeah, sure, buddy) gave young Billy the ability to turn into an adult superhero. Power: By saying “Shazam!”, Billy can fly and is invulnerable. Why so lame: Is he a little boy who can become a grown man or vice versa? Either way you slice it, it’s icky. 22. THE FLASH Secret identity: Barry Allen Origin: Simultaneously struck by lightning and doused with chemicals (What sign was this asshole born under?), Barry Allen became the fastest man alive—the Flash! Power: He can run really fast. Also…no, wait, that’s it. Why so lame: When a curb can defeat you, you’re lame. 21. INVISIBLE WOMAN Secret identity: Sue Storm Origin: On a rocket designed by her future husband, Reed Richards, Sue took a radiation bath that gave her superpowers. Which is…super! Power: She can turn invisible and set up force fields. Why so lame: Now, Inaudible Woman is something we could all get behind…

I found this amusing..from the Maxim lounge http://www.maximonline.com/maximlounge/max.../html/5276.html

Hmmm, my most prized possessions??? its got to be the pair of balls that I have...there not autographed or anything like that, but do carry these white fishy things with tails that supposedly are the future fruits of my loins...whatever that means...but i think its a big conspiracy theory if you ask me.

Bernie Mac is my personal hero for saying "Root, root root for the White SOX" at Wrigley Field when he was the guest singer. Hmm, I don't remember that...why would he say that, isn't he hard core Cubs?

Ahhh, how sweet..

Found this funny from Fark made by a member on there I think http://thelemon.net/issues/timeline.php

and if nobody has seen this yet, this site has the dialog with Neo and the Architecht. http://www.theantitrust.net/articles/viewa...p?articleid=108.

hmm, and I was half sorta watching that game..but was channel surfing..can't belive I missed that

Well, with this year's Sox..unless proven otherwise with consistency that prediction is probable

I got a migraine reading your post.