Life as a New Parent

[Jenksismyhero]

my boss's 2yo is super into nature documentaries, we're hoping to replicate that somehow

 

It's really difficult to "push" your kid into something or to keep them from liking something. We don't watch comic book shows/movies or things like Star Wars and yet my son knows all about them. It's osmosis via daycare. And the social pressure to like certain things starts EARLY.

 

edit: and obviously it goes without saying, they like what they like for reasons you'll never understand. That kid probably has an attachment to animals or something and not every kid will and it has nothing to do with what his/her parents exposed them to. Something just clicked at some point.

Edited February 17, 2017 by JenksIsMyHero

[Soxbadger]

Mickey Mouse Club house and Roadster Racers. This week he's picking up on the show Super Why.

 

My little girl loves Super Why and the Mickey Stuff.

 

She is now at the point though where shell make specific requests "I want Shimmer and Shine", which I kind of laugh about because she never has lived in a world where Netflix/On Demand didnt exist, so she just thinks she can request anything at any time.

 

That being said, she also loves Star Wars and knows most of the characters, one time she said that Darth Vader was her father.

[Chisoxfn]

Not sure if this is the right thread, but what are people doing for college savings? Are 529 plans worth it? Anything else we should be considering?

I have a Utah 529 and just stick it in an age allocated fund. Put it on a monthly withdrawal for both kids. Figure start while they are young. At some point as the asset pool grows, I'll probably pull away and keep other assets in my name (but in an earmarked account for them) for the pure reason I don't want too much risk in the sense that if something were to happen to them or they ended up not going to college? Obviously funds could then get used for grand kids, etc. I know one thing...I want my kids to be responsible and work hard and be kind (and obviously be healthy), but I also want them to not to have to start their post-education life with a bunch of debt. I want them to have the best opportunity to succeed...this doesn't mean they shouldn't learn the value of the dollar (as that will be critical) and I'll want them to work through and build up that work ethic from a young age, but I don't want them graduating with college debt.

[southsider2k5]

In all seriousness, get off of the Disney channel and Nick Jr. The PBS kids shows are a million times better than those networks.

[StrangeSox]

I have a Utah 529 and just stick it in an age allocated fund. Put it on a monthly withdrawal for both kids. Figure start while they are young. At some point as the asset pool grows, I'll probably pull away and keep other assets in my name (but in an earmarked account for them) for the pure reason I don't want too much risk in the sense that if something were to happen to them or they ended up not going to college? Obviously funds could then get used for grand kids, etc. I know one thing...I want my kids to be responsible and work hard and be kind (and obviously be healthy), but I also want them to not to have to start their post-education life with a bunch of debt. I want them to have the best opportunity to succeed...this doesn't mean they shouldn't learn the value of the dollar (as that will be critical) and I'll want them to work through and build up that work ethic from a young age, but I don't want them graduating with college debt.

 

why Utah?

[RockRaines]

In all seriousness, get off of the Disney channel and Nick Jr. The PBS kids shows are a million times better than those networks.

Oh I would love to. But they exist, and kids love them.

[maggsmaggs]

why Utah?

I don't have a child yet, but I started a 529 Plan through Vanguard so technically the Nevada state plan. I think it's a great idea. Tax free growth if used for educational purposes and when I have a child, I can make him or her the beneficiary rather than me.

[bmags]

This 529 stuff makes me so anxious. Literally every day I read one article saying its a great idea then the next its "instead put it in a more general fund that you can use for cross purposes".

 

 

[Bob Sacamano]

In all seriousness, get off of the Disney channel and Nick Jr. The PBS kids shows are a million times better than those networks.

 

In terms of keeping them engaged and learning? I'm just asking because I have no idea.

[southsider2k5]

In terms of keeping them engaged and learning? I'm just asking because I have no idea.

 

Yes. Plus there is a whole lot less selling of product going on.

[Jenksismyhero]

This 529 stuff makes me so anxious. Literally every day I read one article saying its a great idea then the next its "instead put it in a more general fund that you can use for cross purposes".

 

We looked into it a few years ago and I didn't want our money tied up in case we needed it for something else. There was also something about it negatively affecting financial aid and educational tax credits. I can't remember the specifics though.

Edited March 1, 2017 by JenksIsMyHero

[Chisoxfn]

This 529 stuff makes me so anxious. Literally every day I read one article saying its a great idea then the next its "instead put it in a more general fund that you can use for cross purposes".

I think if you have extra money, you put it in a 529 and segregate it. If you don't and have worriers that you might need the money at some time in the future, then it might be better to put it in a more general fund so that you can leverage it in the future (vs. paying the penalties). Not saying you should leverage it, but unknown items can come up and you would hate to pay fees in those cases. The other obvious protection is, if your kids get scholarships (or don't go to college), etc, having it in a 529 might not be as helpful / useful as you expected (and then you have to pay penalties to recapture or save it in those accounts for grand kids).

[Yoda]

Our baby has a doctor’s appointment this Friday with an eye specialist. His primary doctor noticed something was off when he was using his retinoscope. We’ve also noticed he doesn’t concentrate on mommy and daddy when we try to get his attention. He always seems fascinated at something up on the ceiling but this could be attributed to something going on with his eyes. Least to say, we’re a bit concerned.

[brett05]

The first year is easy. It's the first few months (like three) that are rough until the baby sleeps thru the night.

Our first had a gag reflex the first year and tossed every meal out sometimes literally a third of the way across the room. But she didn't much. Got what she needed and pitched the rest so to say.

Take a nap with your baby on your chest. Pure heaven.

 

If you have a real fussy baby they came up with this vibrating mat that makes the baby feel like they are in the womb. Called Tranquil I believe. $100, but worth it for the fussy baby I would say.

 

You mentioned prayer, and I would strongly encourage that at all times for your child and your child's future.

[brett05]

Our baby has a doctor’s appointment this Friday with an eye specialist. His primary doctor noticed something was off when he was using his retinoscope. We’ve also noticed he doesn’t concentrate on mommy and daddy when we try to get his attention. He always seems fascinated at something up on the ceiling but this could be attributed to something going on with his eyes. Least to say, we’re a bit concerned.

Nothing wrong with getting it checked.

 

FYI, all babies stare at the ceilings. Its pretty normal.

[bmags]

I think if you have extra money, you put it in a 529 and segregate it. If you don't and have worriers that you might need the money at some time in the future, then it might be better to put it in a more general fund so that you can leverage it in the future (vs. paying the penalties). Not saying you should leverage it, but unknown items can come up and you would hate to pay fees in those cases. The other obvious protection is, if your kids get scholarships (or don't go to college), etc, having it in a 529 might not be as helpful / useful as you expected (and then you have to pay penalties to recapture or save it in those accounts for grand kids).

 

So you go with Utah, and another went with Utah too. Looks like the lowest fees. How do you balance lowest fees vs. in state tax deduction?

[Chisoxfn]

So you go with Utah, and another went with Utah too. Looks like the lowest fees. How do you balance lowest fees vs. in state tax deduction?

For me, there was no state-tax deduction (doesn't exist in California). If I had the deduction, I would have went with the CA plan (because it would have off-set the reduced fees).

[Chisoxfn]

Our baby has a doctor’s appointment this Friday with an eye specialist. His primary doctor noticed something was off when he was using his retinoscope. We’ve also noticed he doesn’t concentrate on mommy and daddy when we try to get his attention. He always seems fascinated at something up on the ceiling but this could be attributed to something going on with his eyes. Least to say, we’re a bit concerned.

I hope everything is okay!!!

[Yoda]

Today’s visit provided us with some hope that our baby’s vision will improve overtime. The eye specialist did notice he doesn’t track very well when she was shining a few flashing objects around him. We scheduled another appointment for when he’s 4 months old (so in 2 months) and then she’ll be able to get a better idea of where he’ll be at with his vision.

[Marky Mark]

Congrats on the new baby!

 

A lot of good points raised here that I agree with. A few things I would agree or input:

 

For those that have a little one on the way:

 

-Don't expect your child to be a certain way (from infant to adult). You'll read and hear a lot of advice about what to expect, but that's really based on experiences with other people's kids, not yours. The only real expectation you should have is off yourself. Expect yourself to put forth the effort of being the best parent you can every day.

 

-You may not feel like the birth of your child is the greatest thing to ever happen to you immediately. That's ok. It may seem like everyone is instantly in love with their new baby, but others it may take a week, a month, a year. If you find yourself concerned because you sound like one of these parents, just know that it will happen eventually if you are investing yourself in your child. I wanted to have that feeling so badly, but really didn't feel connected to my son until after about 3 months.

 

-Talk to your partner about baby blues vs post partum depression before the child is born. Have a plan for regularly communicating with your partner about how they're doing (as an individual not as a parent). Keep an eye on warning signs. Don't be afraid to seek help from a psychiatrist if you need it. Be transparent with your friends and family on how you feel, even if you've never struggled with depression previously. This advice applies to both new mom's and dads.

 

-Make sure you learn infant CPR and what to do if they're choking before they're born.

 

-Before the birth, plan a date night with your partner 1 month after the birth. Be intentional to have planned date nights every month. Make a rule before the date starts that conversation about baby is limited to x minutes.

 

Sleep Deprivation

 

-The first 3 months were by far the hardest. It was so hard to enjoy this part of being a parent for me. But eventually it ended, and sleep came back.

-Do not let your kid's sleep schedule control you after the first few months. Have a plan from the start as to when the child will be sleeping at night in their own crib/room. Have a plan for when you will start letting them self-sooth. 3 months was good for us. I think another post said 6 for them. If go longer, it will come back to bite you in the butt.

-You may hear about shaken baby syndrome and figure that only psychos would ever do that. But when you have barely slept in weeks and your kid won't stop crying, you may all of a sudden find yourself in that state where you are so frustrated that you want to shake your kid. If you get even close to feeling that happen, put the kid down in their crib, take a deep breath, and give yourself a break. Baby will be fine for a bit even he/she's crying.

 

The Mother's Expectations

 

-There are a lot of mom's who push really hard for completely natural births and breastfeeding. If your girl wants to go this route, make sure you are supporting her, but also keep her in check that things don't always go as planned, and yet they will still work out. She may give in to get an epidural, she may need a C-section. She struggle with breastfeeding and need to do formula. All those things are ok too, don't let her get too caught up in the mindset of those who shame any route that isn't 100% natural.

 

Learning to Crawl/Walk

 

-You will feel yourself unconsciously comparing your child's milestones to that of the milestones of your peers' kids. Try your best not do that. How fast they reach some of those early milestones has almost no bearing on where they will be compared to other kids in 1 year or 5 years. Just live in the moment with milestones and be proud when they happen.

 

-When a kid becomes mobile, it can be a bit of a disaster for some parents for the kids, but I do agree with Steve. You can contain the kids with gates and don't be lazy. Its not that hard and for some kids, it does relieve a lot of frustration they had.

 

Documenting

 

-Make an effort to keep up with the milestones in a baby book. You'll appreciate it later, because you won't remember otherwise.

-Take pictures of your kids, but limit it. Living in the moment can only be done once

 

Get Used to Seeing the doctor.

 

Throughout your child's first years they may be sick a lot. Particularly if they are in daycare. They also will probably have eight billion ear infections. It happens, if possible have finances, PTO, babysitters in place for when it happens.

 

529s

 

-They are good if you are on track for your own financial and retirement goals. Your child will have opportunities for scholarships, grants, loans for college. You won't get those things for retirement. So yes, contribute to a 529, but that should be secondary to taking care of yourself financially.

-Get the college savings plan type. Do not get the prepaid college tuition.

-Don't worry about the IL tax deduction. Get your money into Vanguard or somewhere else with low cost index funds. Set up automatic deposits. Look at account 1 time a year to see if you need to adjust your funds. Otherwise don't worry about it.

-If you need to withdraw money early for non-education expenses, you can take out any amount of money you added originally without penalty, but there will be some taxes. If you originally put in 8k, but balance is 10k and now taking out 4k, the 4k you with draw is deemed as 80% principal (3200) and 20% interest (800). You will be taxed on that $800. As mentioned above, if you are doing a 529, I hope your finances are in order already and you won't be in this situation.

-Any money you pull out beyond the original investment is subject to a 10% penalty if it's not used for education.

[StrangeSox]

Great post mark, thanks for all of the advice.

[bmags]

Today’s visit provided us with some hope that our baby’s vision will improve overtime. The eye specialist did notice he doesn’t track very well when she was shining a few flashing objects around him. We scheduled another appointment for when he’s 4 months old (so in 2 months) and then she’ll be able to get a better idea of where he’ll be at with his vision.

 

Good luck, has to be somewhat a relief but also hard to just hear "wait and see".

[bmags]

Mark-

 

So true on the feelings of a parent at birth. While the birth was special, the first few days after as nurses whisked him out and away I remember feeling like I was still watching someone else's child and felt guilt about it. But then you are holding them by yourself at night and just felt the attachment start to form.

 

[Texsox]

Grandbabies are the best. In the southern tradition I was asked to select a "name". Grandpa isn't an option. So I selected G-Pa. My little grandson in his infinite wisdom has taken to calling his one Yankee grandpa "Bubba".

[Jerksticks]

Yoda congrats man!

 

I just had my first in November and he's the coolest thing ever. We put him to bed every night at 9 but he sure gets pissed every night at 8. Like clockwork almost, just insta-pissed, nothing one can do but walk him. Anybody else with Witching/Arsenic Hour experience?

 

What are some tricks you have all come up with during the years?

 

One of mine is popping the dryer on and walkbouncing him in the laundry room. Powerless to it's lulling charms. Powerless

 

Also the hairdryer track on youtube is just an hour of straight hairdryer sounds. She's used that if he pops up from a nap all pissed.