The Sexual Assault problem

[Dick Allen]

For me, this part is all about education, and it's about consent. You drill into your son that (a) a woman can't consent when she's drunk; (b) that consent is the most important thing when it comes to sexual encounters; and © if you are unsure, don't do it because if you are wrong, you might ruin your life. It's easier to say this than to do this, and I had my fair share of drunken hookups in college. But sex is just like entering into a contract. Both parties have to have the capacity to consent. Teach your sons that and hope they make the right decisions.

A neighbor of mine is a retired CPD detective. He once told me you wouldn't believe how many hungover DePaul coeds came into the station on a Saturday and Sunday morning claiming they were raped. 99 times out of 100, they would leave after being questioned without pressing charges.

[iamshack]

For me, this part is all about education, and it's about consent. You drill into your son that (a) a woman can't consent when she's drunk; (b) that consent is the most important thing when it comes to sexual encounters; and © if you are unsure, don't do it because if you are wrong, you might ruin your life. It's easier to say this than to do this, and I had my fair share of drunken hookups in college. But sex is just like entering into a contract. Both parties have to have the capacity to consent. Teach your sons that and hope they make the right decisions.

Yeah, for sure the bolded.

 

I mean I think if you just teach your kids generally to be good people, to know right from wrong, they will make the right decision 9 times out of 10.

 

s*** happens. If you don't find yourself in some "interesting" situations every now again, you simply aren't living, IMHO.

 

We all do the best we can.

 

That is NOT the same as these chronic offenders like Weinstein and Louie CK, Spacey, etc.

 

But s*** happens.

[Chicago White Sox]

I think that's simplifying it, but I totally hear you. I don't know - or haven't read - about the complete extent of the relationships these women had with CK.

 

Completely independent from this situation, in which clearly CK was wrong and at fault and used his power to manipulate and abuse these women, my question is......... has anyone here ever sent *inappropriate* photos via phone pre-emptively with a woman (or man) you've been talking to and the conversation moves in a flirty/sexual direction? And by that I mean, before a woman has expressly said "hey send me a photo"? There's... an art to flirting, right? Knowing the right moments to do and say the right things, and often times those *right* moments aren't expressly said, because that takes the fun out of it - on both sides. Y'all can't honestly tell me that all of your sexual interactions have gone according to a politically correct formula. That's where this line becomes blurry, because one person may be interpreting signals one way, and one may be on a completely different planet, but you don't know unless you 1) make a move or 2) ask. If it's a woman who's actually interested, asking often turns them off. If they aren't, making the move is the WRONG choice. But you DON'T KNOW which that person IS until you try one! That's the whole f***ing difficulty with all of this, and these days, as a single guy, it's honestly paralyzing.

When in doubt, always send a dick pic! That way there will be no confusion if she’s into you or not!

[Balta1701]

A neighbor of mine is a retired CPD detective. He once told me you wouldn't believe how many hungover DePaul coeds came into the station on a Saturday and Sunday morning claiming they were raped. 99 times out of 100, they would leave after being questioned without pressing charges.

That does not mean no rape happened. There are state officials in Alabama calling for charges against the person who said Roy Moore raped her when she was 14 for making the accusation.

[illinilaw08]

This goes without saying. But applying it to 18-year-olds who just got out of their parents house with unlimited alcohol, raging hormones and no supervision definitely complicates matters.

 

I think the education should be more about preparing for alcohol. Raising your kid to be a decent person is obvious. Understanding the inevitability that they're likely going to be immersed in it years before they're legal is important. I am for ruling with an iron fist but if you're kid is in a bad situation due to alcohol they are much better off being comfortable calling their parents knowing they're not going to be punished for being around booze.

 

Long story short, I was going to college parties not long ago. I come from a big family and started drinking with friends when I was 14-15. The parents who were realistic about alcohol's place with young Americans have kids who tend to act better when they partake in it. Some girls I grew up with who had really protective dads would end up in a situation where they had a little bit a freedom and they would end up getting wasted and doing something dumb. Suppression and rebellion has a real effect on kids with this stuff.

 

No disagreement from me here with any of this.

[iamshack]

This goes without saying. But applying it to 18-year-olds who just got out of their parents house with unlimited alcohol, raging hormones and no supervision definitely complicates matters.

 

I think the education should be more about preparing for alcohol. Raising your kid to be a decent person is obvious. Understanding the inevitability that they're likely going to be immersed in it years before they're legal is important. I am for ruling with an iron fist but if you're kid is in a bad situation due to alcohol they are much better off being comfortable calling their parents knowing they're not going to be punished for being around booze.

 

Long story short, I was going to college parties not long ago. I come from a big family and started drinking with friends when I was 14-15. The parents who were realistic about alcohol's place with young Americans have kids who tend to act better when they partake in it. Some girls I grew up with who had really protective dads would end up in a situation where they had a little bit a freedom and they would end up getting wasted and doing something dumb. Suppression and rebellion has a real effect on kids with this stuff.

Most of the girls I knew who had really strict parents (particularly fathers) went apes*** once they got to college.

[StrangeSox]

It's a pretty common theme

[iamshack]

That does not mean no rape happened. There are state officials in Alabama calling for charges against the person who said Roy Moore raped her when she was 14 for making the accusation.

I do think it is a reaction at times to guilt over decisions made while intoxicated.

[Balta1701]

I do think it is a reaction at times to guilt over decisions made while intoxicated.

While that can certainly happen, that doesn't mean it's even the majority. Even attempting to make the accusation is going to put you through hell. If you were intoxicated and couldn't consent, how do you prove what happened to you? Ready for the intrusive medical exam? Ready to be cross examined about something you can't remember perfectly where your statements won't hold together because you were too intoxicated to consent?

[StrangeSox]

Ready to take a rape kit that'll sit on the shelf untested for years/forever before having your name and life dragged through the mud if it does go anywhere?

[iamshack]

While that can certainly happen, that doesn't mean it's even the majority. Even attempting to make the accusation is going to put you through hell. If you were intoxicated and couldn't consent, how do you prove what happened to you? Ready for the intrusive medical exam? Ready to be cross examined about something you can't remember perfectly where your statements won't hold together because you were too intoxicated to consent?

Wasn't even implying it was the majority.

[StrangeSox]

If Joe felt that he was violated and taken advantage of, he could file a complaint or police report.

 

Terry Crews stepping up and filing a police report over sexual assault this week is kinda important that way in showing that even big "macho" men like that can be victims and there shouldn't be shame in coming forward.

[TaylorStSox]

I'm a sober alcoholic. One of the many reasons I quit drinking was that I recognized the shift among the younger generation regarding drunken hook ups. I was sleeping with a lot of girls in their early 20's and, while it was always consensual, I recognized that I'm putting myself in a dangerous position. It doesn't matter if I agree with the shift. The court of public opinion doesn't give a s*** about my opinion. I'd rather be safe than sorry and it helped me stop drinking.

[iamshack]

If Joe felt that he was violated and taken advantage of, he could file a complaint or police report.

 

Terry Crews stepping up and filing a police report over sexual assault this week is kinda important that way in showing that even big "macho" men like that can be victims and there shouldn't be shame in coming forward.

This is laughable and you know it.

[Jenksismyhero]

It's a pretty common theme

 

For sure. I've seen it play out in several high quality videos online.

[iamshack]

I'm a sober alcoholic. One of the many reasons I quit drinking was that I recognized the shift among the younger generation regarding drunken hook ups. I was sleeping with a lot of girls in their early 20's and, while it was always consensual, I recognized that I'm putting myself in a dangerous position. It doesn't matter if I agree with the shift. The court of public opinion doesn't give a s*** about my opinion. I'd rather be safe than sorry and it helped me stop drinking.

This is the point though. If you are drunk, then according to some schools of thought, it cannot be consensual by definition.

Edited November 10, 2017 by iamshack

[BigSqwert]

Interesting read about the comic boys' club.

[TaylorStSox]

This is the point though. If you are drunk, then according to some schools of thought, it cannot be consensual by definition.

That was kind of the point of my post. My opinion doesn't really matter, so I just stopped.

[TaylorStSox]

The thing I find ironic is that it's sexist to suggest that a woman can't make consensual sexual decisions when she's intoxicated, but a man can. I guess people see it as a power dynamic.

Edited November 10, 2017 by TaylorStSox

[Soxbadger]

The thing I find ironic is that it's sexist to suggest that a woman can't make consensual sexual decisions when she's intoxicated, but a man can. I guess people see it as a power dynamic.

 

I dont think thats true. Anyone could be too intoxicated to consent.

[illinilaw08]

The thing I find ironic is that it's sexist to suggest that a woman can't make consensual sexual decisions when she's intoxicated, but a man can. I guess people see it as a power dynamic.

 

Neither party can legally consent when they are intoxicated. It's just like entering into a contract. You can't enter into a contract if you are intoxicated. You can't enter into a contract if you a minor. You cannot legally consent to have sex when you are intoxicated. This blurs a lot of lines, because pass out drunk is different than over the legal limit.

 

[TaylorStSox]

I dont think thats true. Anyone could be too intoxicated to consent.

And that's the slippery slope. Personally, I don't see it as predatory to go out for drinks with a girl and end up back at one of your places to bang. It's never been that way until recently. There's definitely been a shift though and it has been towards men being predatory if it happens, which IMO is sexist.

[RockRaines]

I'm really glad my hook up 20's have come and gone. I cannot imagine doing that s*** with the social media and electronics nowadays.

[TaylorStSox]

Neither party can legally consent when they are intoxicated. It's just like entering into a contract. You can't enter into a contract if you are intoxicated. You can't enter into a contract if you a minor. You cannot legally consent to have sex when you are intoxicated. This blurs a lot of lines, because pass out drunk is different than over the legal limit.

We're not talking about legality. Well, I'm not anyway, which is why I said public opinion originally.

[iamshack]

Neither party can legally consent when they are intoxicated. It's just like entering into a contract. You can't enter into a contract if you are intoxicated. You can't enter into a contract if you a minor. You cannot legally consent to have sex when you are intoxicated. This blurs a lot of lines, because pass out drunk is different than over the legal limit.

Right, but the absence of consent does not equate to immunity from charges of sexual assault or rape.

 

I think the point is that men are the ones with the particular equipment that usually begins the act; it would seem that therein lies the inequity.