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Funny Dave Berry column!


Kid Gleason

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http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sport...all/6977710.htm

 

 

Believe it or not, I found this on the Cubs board, and the guy that posted it was actually finding the humour in it! They though obviously see it as a slam ONLY on the Marlin fans, and looked past the slams on Cubs fans, and their team.

 

Funny stuff none-the-less. :P

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Guest hotsoxchick1
http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sport...all/6977710.htm

 

 

Believe it or not, I found this on the Cubs board, and the guy that posted it was actually finding the humour in it! They though obviously see it as a slam ONLY on the Marlin fans, and looked past the slams on Cubs fans, and their team.

 

Funny stuff none-the-less. :P

dave berry.....hmmmm why does that name ring a bell???? i recall someone else who used to read his column alot......... :o

scrubbie fans never get it do they........lol........

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http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sport...all/6977710.htm

 

 

Believe it or not, I found this on the Cubs board, and the guy that posted it was actually finding the humour in it! They though obviously see it as a slam ONLY on the Marlin fans, and looked past the slams on Cubs fans, and their team.

 

Funny stuff none-the-less. :P

dave berry.....hmmmm why does that name ring a bell???? i recall someone else who used to read his column alot......... :o

scrubbie fans never get it do they........lol........

He still has a syndicated column that appears in the Sunday magazine in the Tribune.

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http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/sport...all/6977710.htm

 

 

Believe it or not, I found this on the Cubs board, and the guy that posted it was actually finding the humour in it! They though obviously see it as a slam ONLY on the Marlin fans, and looked past the slams on Cubs fans, and their team.

 

Funny stuff none-the-less. :P

dave berry.....hmmmm why does that name ring a bell???? i recall someone else who used to read his column alot......... :o

scrubbie fans never get it do they........lol........

:P :P :P

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Guest hotsoxchick1
This is the first time I have ever read one of his columns, believe it or not. My sister is a pretty big fan of his. For a first time read, I like his stance on the Cubs.

 

Who is the Berry reader?

there used to be someone on the mlb site that was a regular reader.....

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This is the first time I have ever read one of his columns, believe it or not. My sister is a pretty big fan of his. For a first time read, I like his stance on the Cubs.

 

Who is the Berry reader?

there used to be someone on the mlb site that was a regular reader.....

:huh: :huh: :huh:

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Guest hotsoxchick1
This is the first time I have ever read one of his columns, believe it or not. My sister is a pretty big fan of his. For a first time read, I like his stance on the Cubs.

 

Who is the Berry reader?

there used to be someone on the mlb site that was a regular reader.....

:huh: :huh: :huh:

awwweeeee geez us.. i only brought it up because almost each and everyone of his posts had something to say about berry... damn...lol lol lol..........

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This is the first time I have ever read one of his columns, believe it or not. My sister is a pretty big fan of his. For a first time read, I like his stance on the Cubs.

 

Who is the Berry reader?

there used to be someone on the mlb site that was a regular reader.....

:huh: :huh: :huh:

awwweeeee geez us.. i only brought it up because almost each and everyone of his posts had something to say about berry... damn...lol lol lol..........

:huh: :huh:

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Kid, which cubs baord did you see that on? I saw it on the ESPN board and the dude who posted it had the 'handle' of cub_h8er and posted the following quote...

 

But for now, we're committed to our Marlins, and we'll be out rooting for them this weekend in Formerly Joe Robbie Stadium. Oh, sure, it's not historic Wrigley Field, with the ivy growing on the walls.

 

This is actually a sign of poor maintenance, but it causes baseball writers -- who spend their entire lives in dingy press boxes where the only green organic thing they ever see is relish -- to spurt little prose orgasms. Wow! Wall vegetation!

 

I doubt he was a cubs fan.

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I was also handed a pretty funny column from the Tribune. It's post-season coverage in the Chicago area from the perspective of a Sox fan. I guess columnist John Kass is a Sox fan, and he works for the Trib!?!

 

Anyhow, I was going to post the link, but you have to be a member of the Tribune, and I am not one, and choose to stay free of the evils of this society, so i can't drop the link. But if you have the Trib, head on over and read the Kass column, and then post it here if you can.

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I was also handed a pretty funny column from the Tribune. It's post-season coverage in the Chicago area from the perspective of a Sox fan. I guess columnist John Kass is a Sox fan, and he works for the Trib!?!

 

Anyhow, I was going to post the link, but you have to be a member of the Tribune, and I am not one, and choose to stay free of the evils of this society, so i can't drop the link. But if you have the Trib, head on over and read the Kass column, and then post it here if you can.

Here it is...

 

Desperate man just wants escape from Cub Nation

 

October 10, 2003

 

 

Kids: Is Dad psycho or something?

 

Wife: Your father is not psycho. He just wants to watch the Red Sox and Yankees, and he can't get the game on Comcast cable.

 

Psycho, with cell phone on ear: Well, the Cubs are winning 57,000 to 0, and for some strange reason I can't get the Boston-Yankees game on the cable!

 

Wife: I just told them.

 

Kids: But we want to watch the Red Sox! The Red Sox aren't on? No Nomar?

 

Wife: Only the Cubs game. The other game isn't on.

 

Psycho: Wait! Wait!

 

Kids: No Red Sox?

 

Psycho, dialing Comcast cable: I SAID DON'T WORRY!!! This is America. And in America, American League fans can watch the American League Championship Series. Even in Illinois. DON'T WORRY, KIDS!

 

Comcast cable phone message: Press 1 if you wish to add to your service. Press 2 if you wish to order new service, and press 3 if you wish to report . . .

 

Kids: We want the Red Sox! Red Sox!

 

Psycho: I'm trying! I'm trying! Wait! Please be quiet or I'll lose my temper!

 

Kids: He's psycho.

 

After two hours of excruciating elevator music Wednesday night, followed by, "Due to the heavy volume of calls, your call will be answered in the order it is received," my wife told me my brother was on the other phone.

 

Cubs fan brother No. 1: You see that? You see how hard Sammy hit that? Wasn't he a White Sox once?

 

Psycho, now with cell phones clamped to either side of his head: I saw it. Don't burn me. Wait! I'm trying to get Comcast. I can't get the Boston-Yankees game.

 

Cubs fan brother No. 2: Hey, you can't get the Boston game? And you're a Sox fan? Are you upset? You should get a satellite dish. Go Cubs. Na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye.

 

Psycho: Stop it! My ears are getting hot from these phones. My ears are hot!

 

Comcast cable: Hello, sir?

 

Me, like a weakling, in a small voice: Please help me. I'd like to watch the American League Championship Series game between the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees. And I've got the flu. Please help.

 

Comcast: Well, it's on FX. Do you see it? Is it there?

 

Me: No, but there are three Bravo channels. I guess we could watch "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" three times--not that anything's wrong that. But can I tell you something?

 

Comcast: What is it, sir?

 

Me: I'd rather watch Boston and the Yankees? You know? Baseball?

 

Comcast: Do you live in the western suburbs?

 

Me: Yes. The western suburbs of Cook County. Many White Sox fans--American League fans--live here.

 

Comcast: Well, I've just checked, and FX is not available in your area.

 

Kids: He just kicked the couch! Mom? Did you see? He just kicked it.

 

Wife: Stay away from him!

 

Psycho: Let me talk to your supervisor!

 

Comcast: Someone will call you back.

 

Psycho, sounding exactly like Ben Kingsley's psychotically evil character in "Sexy Beast": No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

 

Cubs fan brother No. 1 back on cell: Hey, did you get the Boston game yet? The Cubs are killing them! Na-na-na-na, hey-hey, goodbye.

 

Psycho with two phones again: Don't burn me, you $%@&*! Not now!

 

Comcast: Pardon me, sir?!

 

Me: No, not you. Please. Not you. My brother. Not you. Please let me talk to a supervisor. Please?

 

Comcast supervisor: Sir, I'm sorry, but you won't be able to watch the Yankees-Red Sox game. The channel, FX, isn't carried in your area. We're upgrading service in your area, and soon you'll have more channels, and . . .

 

Psycho: When?

 

Comcast: In 2004.

 

Psycho: So I can watch "Queer Eye" but not the Red Sox and the Yankees? There are thousands of people who can't watch the ballgame!!!

 

Comcast supervisor: Sir, there's nothing we can do. The upgrade will be complete in 2004.

 

Psycho: I'm going to write about this outrage! And I'm going to get a dish! You hear me?!

 

Comcast supervisor: Sorry.

 

Psycho: I HATE LIFE!

 

Wife: Go upstairs, children, quietly. Quickly now . . .

 

Psycho, hanging up the phone, speaking dramatically, to no one: I'm not a psycho. I'm an innocent American League fan, trapped in cable hell.

 

Disembodied voice: You're not a psycho? Just listen to yourself.

 

Psycho: I'm not psycho. I'll feel better, with a dish.

 

Disembodied voice: Do you promise?

 

Psycho: Yes. I'm a White Sox fan trapped in Cub Nation, and a dish will set me free.

 

Disembodied voice: Are you sure about that?

 

----------

 

[email protected]

 

 

 

Email: [email protected]

 

Copyright © 2003, The Chicago Tribune

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