50 Most absurd moments in Rock

[GASHWOUND]

Haven't been posting as much lately..been working 14 hour days the past week...I'm dead tired..but I feel good now..

Have some FHM lists that look pretty good...this one was from a couple issues ago..seemed kinda interesting..

 

 

 

50:Sgt. Frampton leads Hearts Club band...

Astutely realizing in 1978 that they were bigger than the Beatles, the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton strung together 29 Fab Four songs to create the movie musical Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. The plot was a bit hard to follow, but the band knew that wouldn't much matter. "Kids today don't know the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper," Bee Gee Robin Gibb said at the time. "When ours come out, it will be, in effect, as if theirs never existed." The movie couldn't break even in theaters.

 

49: Freak buys Beatles...During their early-'80s collaboration, Paul McCartney mentioned to Michael Jackson that buying the publishing rights to other bands' music was highly profitable. Taking the lessons to heart, Jackson acted on his friend's advice-and outbid McCartney for the Beatles catalog.

 

48: Duran Duran goes gay...After leaving Duran Duran, guitarists Warren Cuccurullo realized there was only one logical place to go:gay porn. On his Web site, www.warrencuccurullo.com, fans can download his "home movies" or buy a dildo molded on his knob.

 

47: Fan bangs drummer...To enliven a London crowd in 2000, girl-rockers L7 raffled off a one-night stand with their drummer, Dee Plakas. The winner was asked to first take a "gentleman's" bath out of respect to Dee." He collected his prize in the back of his tour bus.

 

46: Buckethead builds coop: Guitarist for the newly reformed Guns N' Roses, Buckethead took his name from the KFC bucket he wears like a crown. While laying down G N' R tracks in the studio, he performs in a chicken coop-because he claims to have been raised by chickens. Sounds reasonable

 

45: The King eats in on the can: In his later, fatter years, Elvis Presley had few joys besides reading in his pimped-out bathroom. It was to the john that he excused himself on August 16, 1977. And that's where his fiancée found him, face down in a puddle of his own vomit. Grown bloated from success, there was no better place for the King of Rock 'n' Roll to die than on the throne.

 

44: Plasmatics waste a Caddy:Loading a Coupe de Ville with explosions in 1980, the Plasmatics drove it onto a New York pier and hit the detonator. It was supposed to be a statement about materialism. Mostly, through, it was a giant waste of a nice car.

 

43: Man becomes metal god: In the real-life story that spawned the real-mediocre movie "Rock Star," Tim Owens had the good fortune of going from frontman of a Judas Priest tribute band to lead shrieker of the real thing. The band also stuck him with the nickname Ripper, which was not cool.

 

42: Lemonhead attends high school prom: When Lemonheads fan Magan Wargula met singer Evan Dando after an Atlanta concert in 1993, she whined that her prom date had canceled on her. So Dando borrowed a tux and hit the high school scene.

 

41: Braided men win Grammy: Milli Vanilli's Rob Pilatus tended to stop moving his lips when focusing on his dance moves, and on July 20, 1989, the duo ran off the stage in shame when their tape broke during a concert, leaving silence. Good thing they won a Grammy 6 months later.

 

40: KISS shed their makeup: Desperate for any shred of publicity in 1983, KISS began performing without being painted up like confused clowns. The move won the group plenty of attention, but mostly as the nation collectively gasped in horror at the realization that Gene Simmons was one ugly bastard and Peter Chris looked better as a whiskered animal. Mercifully, 13 years later, the band milked another round of publicity out of putting their makeup back on.

 

39: Monkees act like dandruff: Looking to overhaul their image in 1968, the Monkees starred in the film 'Head.' Written by none other than Jack Nicholson, the cinematic masterpiece has a scene where the group pretends to be dandruff, there's a scene concert footage intercut with gory shots of a Vietcong soldier being executed, and the film begins and ends with the Fey Four attempting suicide. Its box-office take: $15,000.

 

38:Rocker invents barn boom box: Hoping to create history's largest boom box on his ranch, Neil Young had roadies set up concert speakers in his house and another set in his barn. The ranch had a lake between the barn and the house, so Young rowed out on the pond and shouted, "More barn!" or "More house!" until his roadies were pumping out the perfect surround sound mix.

 

37: Pantera punch guy in face: On the cover of Vulgar Display of Power, Pantera wanted to show a dude eating a fist sandwich. not content with the picture of boxers suggested by the label, the band found some guy on the street who would play human punching bag for $10 per blow. "He left with $300 bucks and bruises all over his face," Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul explained to FHM.

 

36: Eagles sue eagles: Kudos for the Eagles for defending their group's identity in 1998 by filing a trademark infringement lawsuit against the National Foundation to Protect America's Eagles. Sure, the nonprofit organization was dedicated to reintroducing injured bald eagles into the wild, but that certainly didn't give it the right to bogart the Web site www.eagles.org. In a tragic miscarriage of judgment, the band lost.

 

35: Axl talks hoops: In 2001, Axl Rose gave his first interview in 6 years--and it was to a local sports reporter. After Game Four of the NBA playoffs, Rose wandered in front of LA sports guy Fred Roggin. Though Roggin had no clue what a media coup he'd landed, he still brought the tough questions. For example, "Were you rooting for the Lakers or the Sixers?" and, "I've got to ask you a serious question: People say it's a tough crowd. What do you think of these fans?"

 

34: Ladies straddle bicycle seats: Queen realized they had two great tastes that tasted great together with their singles "Fat Bottomed Girls" and "Bicycle Race." To promote the songs, the group hired 65 women to ride bicycles around Wimbledon Stadium---naked. When the company who rented out the bikes found out how they'd been used, they demanded Queen by them 65 new bicycle seats.

 

33: Allman Brothers display mastery of legal system: When a club owner refused to pay the Allman Brothers for a gig, road manager Twiggs Lyndon knew what to do: stab him to death with a fishing knife. At the trial, bassist Berry Oakley showed up high and ran out of the courtroom three times to vomit. The display got Twiggs acquitted on the argument that living with the band would make any man insane.

 

32: Ocasek marries model: In 1989, Cars lead singer Ric Ocasek married exotic Czech model Paulina Porizkova. There is only one force in the world that could help such a hideous dude snag such hot tail: the power of rock

 

31: Fed eyes surf song: In 1964, the seriously out-of-touch FBI investigated the Kingsmen's "Louie, Louie," gathering 250 pages of material to determine if the ditty was corrupting the nation's youth through "dirty lyrics." Their findings? The song was "incomprehensible at any speed." No s***.

 

30: Townshend slams guitar on TV: When The Who booked their first big U.S. TV gig on The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour, Keith Moon packed his drum kit with extra gunpowder for a big-bang finish. The explosion was so giant, Pete Townshend's hair caught fire, and he was deafened for 20 minutes.

 

29: Chicago kills disco: Bring a disco record to the July 12, 1979, doubleheader at Comiskey Park and it'll be destroyed on field between games. Then things got out of hand. Here's how local DJ Steve Dahl, who organized the event, remembers it:

 

FHM: You were the brains behind the Disco Demolition. What was the plan?

SD: I was going to dress up in some stupid looking army fatigues, ride onto the field in a jeep and then blow up all these disco records.

FHM: You got a bit more than you expected.

SD: People were tossing cherry bombs on the field and throwing records like frisbees.

FHM: They were literally swinging from the rafters, weren't they?

SD: Yeah, there were people climbing over the wall to get in, and probably another 20,000 people om the street. After we blew the records up, I got back in the jeep and drove to the press box. I looked at the TV and saw people storming the field. At first, I thought they were showing World Series highlights, but then I realized it was live and my heart sank.

FHM: Did you think "I'm in deep s***"?

SD: Yeah, But nobody was being violent. They were going crazy and having fun, taking turns sliding into second base and stuff like that. When it was time for the second game, the grass was too damaged to play on, and the White Sox were forced to forfeit. But it's not like they were on a tear. They would've lost the game anyway.

 

28: Video flees the scene: While shooting the video "Down in It" in Chicago, Nine Inch Nail Trent Reznor pretended to be dead while cameras attached to helium balloons filmed from above. One camera broke free, floating to a corn field 125 miles away. The farmer who found the camera sent it to the state police, who thought they'd found evidence of a homicide and launched an investigation. The police soon learned Reznor wasn't really dead. Although his career soon would be.

 

27: Lauper rules WrestleMania: Cyndi Lauper might have made her pro-wrestling name managing off-and-on women's champ Wendi Richter ("150 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal") at the inaugural WrestleMania in 1985, but she didn't just sit on the sideline. She also created a signature move--whacking people over the head with her Loaded Purse of Doom.

 

26: Guitar grows four heads: Created by ax hero Michael Angelo, the quad guitar is admittedly hard to play for anyone with fewer than eight hands. On the plus side, it creates four times the rock of a standard guitar.

 

25: Fans sue Creed for sucking: Creed frontman Scott Stapp took the stage in Chicago on December 29, 2002, unable to remember any of the lame lyrics to his lame songs. Goddamn right the fans should sue.

 

24: Orgy leads to corpse fire: When country rocker Gram Parsons ODed during a drug-fueled orgy in 1973, his gal pal attempted to revive him--by shoving ice cubes up his rectum. It worked, but only briefly. He died again. and although the body was to be flown home, Parson's friends knew he wanted to be burned in the desert. So they hijacked the corpse, hit the dunes and set it ablaze.

 

23: The Go-Go's violate a roadie: They were girls, but they knew proper rock-star etiquette. Note the way bassist Kathy Valentine tries to coax a roadie into deflowering a groupie on video--and then shoves a vibrator up his ass.

 

22: John and Yoko hide in a bag: In 1969, Yoko Ono and John Lennon called journalists to their Vienna hotel room, where the two were crouching on a table inside a giant bag. They then expounded upon their philosophy of "bagism," which stated that since prejudices are often based on a person's appearance, everyone would be much better off if we communicated with one another from within a bag. The whole thing must've been Yoko's idea.

 

21: Legend weds schoolgirl: On December 12, 1957, 22-year-old Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year old second cousin, Myra Gale Brown, who wore the dress from her eight-grade class that morning to the wedding. Some people found that creepy.

 

20: Beach Boy builds sandbox: Any musician can get strung out on drugs, but few can have as spectacular a breakdown as Beach Boy Brian Wilson. Fried on LSD, Wilson ballooned to 300 pounds and was convinced that a fire in a recoding studio was caused by his song "Fire." But the stunt that takes the cake was the piano he had mounted in a sandbox in his living room, put there so he could "feel the beach" when he played. What a douchebag.

 

19: Stone warps family tree: At the tender age of 48, Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman started dating 13-year-old Mandy Smith. When she turned 19, they married--lasting under the same roof for a week. Even worse, Smith's mother, 46, later became engaged to Wyman's 30-year-old son. Some merciful deity kept that marriage from occurring, but if it had, Wyman would have become his ex-wife's step-grandfather.

 

18: Fatty broadcasts surgery: Big-boned Wilson-Phillips singer Carnie Wilson figured she needed a stomach stapling. Fair enough, but did she need to broadcast the graphic surgery live on the internet?

 

17: Lars sues lip liner: Suing Napster was a dick move, but when Metallica went legal on Victoria's Secret, claiming their silver lip pencil named Metallica was creating "confusion in the market place," it was downright pathetic.

 

16: Guitarist dresses like child: In 1974, AC/DC's Angus Young realized becoming famous required dressing like a schoolboy. Prior to that, Young had tried other gimmicks that didn't seem as practical, such as playing in a gorilla suit.

 

15: The nuge details death: Figuring his fans would be as interested in his love for shooting animals with pointy sticks as he was, Ted Nugent published 'Blood Trails' in 1991. The 140-page tome, which will be re-released November 15, gives intricate details of 120 different ways in which he had killed an animal. Here are some excerpts:

 

Hunt 16: 200 pound Wild Boar..."The arrow was thru him like butter and he scrambled to cover the last 75 yards of his life as fast as he could. Even though we saw his fall and die, we took up the blood trail because it was a beautiful thing."

 

Hunt 47: Dik-Dik Antelope..."The arrow zipped under his nose, disappeared into his throat, passed all the way through him, and his excited his crotch. There was no blood trail, but instead a blood puddle, because he did about two complete somersaults, kicked once and died. I carried him back to camp, and I will take these life-accelerating memories to my grave. Not to mention the belly-full of delicious steaks I took to bed with me that night!"

 

Hunt 82: 300 pound Wart Hog..."The [arrow] had taken the mass of artery off the top of the heart, destroyed both lungs, and bled out the warthog in seconds. Cool as hell. The slaughterhouses of the world have NEVER killed so efficiently as this."

 

14: Elvis fights drugs: In December 1970, Elvis Presley wrote Richard Nixon, asking to be deputized so he could battle both drug abuse and "Communist brainwashing techniques." Nixon must've been high when he agreed.

 

13: The world watches a video of Tommy and Pamela Lee doing it: The best part is when he honks the boat horn with his donger.

 

12: Journey gets a video game: At first, the arcade game allowed a player to insert his face onto a character. Then one dude took a picture of his ball bag instead. To avoid the chance of having characters that looked like scrotum, the game was altered to have ones that looked like Journey.

 

11: Fleetwood Mac replaces Fleetwood Mac: When Fleetwood Mac abandoned a tour midway through 1973, the band manager had a novel idea: Finish the tour with a random group of musicians he'd start calling Fleetwood Mac. It's unclear how many fans noticed the replacements, but the original members filled suit, halting Faux Mac after two weeks.

 

10: GWAR lands on Earth: Claiming to have descended from alien beings bent on enslaving the human race, the members of GWAR hold fast to the idea that they're immortal and exist solely to destroy everything and everyone in their path. It's patently retarded, but does make for a memorable concert experience.

 

9: Jacko apes dictator: In the fall of 1996, Michael Jackson posed the question, "What better way to promote my new self-indulgent album HIStory than to float a 30-foot-tall statue of myself down the Thames in England, and then tour with it, eventually placing it on a spot of land where a giant statue of Stalin once stood in Prague?" The world ignored him.

 

8: Metal created while cutting metal: As a teenager, Black Sabbath ax man Tony Iommi sliced off two fingertips while cutting sheet metal. His prosthetics didn't give a good feel for the strings, so he developed a style of play reliant on thumping power chords. Thus, heavy metal was born.

 

7: Steven Tyler casts daughter as stripping video vixen: A sexy video can be huge for album sales, and Aerosmith's Steven Tyler realized his daughter, Liv, would be perfect as strip-club-loving teen in band's "Crazy" video. This allowed Tyler's millions of horny music fans to rub one out while picturing his 16-year-old daughter.

 

6: Dylan kicks fan's ass in street fight: Critics may point to the time he went electric at the Newport Folk Festival, but the moment when Bob Dylan really proved he was a rock star and not just some folk-singing pussy was when he attacked A.J. Weberman. A rabid fan who'd been going through his garbage.

 

5: Lou Reed does kung fu: "I found tai chi when I was studying with Leung Shum, who teaches Eagles Claw and Wu Hao," explains the increasingly leathery Lou Reed in May/June 2003 issue of Kung Fu magazine. Whatever. He looks utterly ridiculous wielding a samurai sword.

 

4: James Brown defends toilet: After threatening people in his building with a shotgun because he thought someone had used his toilet, James Brown realized it was time to run from the law. Police chased him all the way from Georgia to South Carolina. The only way to stop him was to shoot out his tires--after which he drove six more miles.

 

3: Devils piss liquor: Congratulations to David Lee Roth for creating the greatest concert prop ever: A statue of devil that pissed a 15-foot stream of Jack Daniel's onto the audience.

 

2: Madonna gets naked with Vanilla Ice: When she shot her soft-core coffee-table book Sex in 1992, Madonna probably thought the most potentially embarrassing pics were those of her crouching naked with a dog. But implied bestiality has nothing on being fondled by Vanilla Ice. How unfortunate that Madonna shot her book during the week-and-a-half period the Iceman was popular.

 

1: Teenager replaces overdosing drum legend: Even if he wasn't already taking a dirt nap, The Who's drummer and world's greatest drug addict Keith Moon wouldn't be able to say much about the group's show at San Francisco's Cow Palace on November 20, 1973. Having taken far too large a dose of animal tranquilizer, the skin-hitter passed out and fell off his drum kit 70 minutes into the set. But The Who wouldn't let that ruin the rock. After dragging Moon offstage to inject him with cortisone, the group was able to revive their drummer enough to roll him back onstage to continue the concert. Until he passed out again. As the roadies carted Moon off, Roger Daltry and Pete Townshend asked the crowd if anyone could take his place on drums. It was 19-year old Who fan and amateur drummer Thomas Scot Halpin who answered rock's call. Here are his memories of the most absurd moment in Rock 'n' roll:

 

Q:How did you end up onstage with The Who?

A: We showed up eight hours early to buy scalped tickets, so we wound up right at the front of the stage. When Keith passed out at his drum kit, the house lights came up and Pete Townshend started asking "Can anyone play drums?" My friend screamed at the security guard that I could. Then I was being led onto stage.

Q:Did Keith's drum stool smell?

A: I don't know, but the kit was huge. You could stand on it.

Q: Did you rock?

A: They went into "Smokestack Lightning" to see how well I played. I surprised them. They shook my hand, then Townshend said, "I'm going to lead you." I don't know if I was any good, because you couldn't hear the drums thanks to the amps. But nobody booed or asked for their money back.

Q: You should have gotten paid.

A: They brought my friend and me backstage to meet the band. They also gave me a tour jacket, but somebody stole it later that night.

Q: Did you meet any willing groupies?

A: No, but there was this huge buffet spread. We were the last to leave because we ate so much food and took a bunch with us.

Q: Did anything ever come of your cameo on the skins?

A: Rolling Stone named me Pickup Player of the Year for 1973, and I got to audition for Journey.

[Texsox]

 

Of course Dahl gets extra space.

[FlaSoxxJim]

They missed the biggest one... The lowly Jimi Hendrix Experience opens for rock and roll heavies... The Monkeys!?!

 

Peter Tork apologized for that every time he saw Jimi afterward.

[Capn12]

They missed the biggest one...  The lowly Jimi Hendrix Experience opens for rock and roll heavies... The Monkeys!?!

 

Peter Tork apologized for that every time he saw Jimi afterward.

MonkEEs...FSJ....hey, I still like listening to them, once they staretd writing and playing their own music. And yeah, thats one of those Did You Know questions I always ask people.

[FlaSoxxJim]

MonkEEs...FSJ....hey, I still like listening to them, once they staretd writing and playing their own music. And yeah, thats one of those Did You Know questions I always ask people.

Well, I was one of handful of people who actually liked the ill-fated "Head" movie noted in the list above. But I mostly liked it because of the weird Frank Zappa cameo when he appears in the desert with a donkey and chews out Tork for not practicing enough. And for my money, the best Monkeys (I mean MonkEEs) songs were the ones written by Neil Diamond, regardless of who was actually playing the instruments at the time.

[Capn12]

Ah yes....Head....wow...talk about completely setting your career back 5 years. It probably seemed like a GREAT idea at the time, a way to poke fun at the way their musical career started as actors. Wow, were they wrong. Uniquely artistic, but NOT very gratuitous to their careers. My favorite Monkees songs are probably "Goin' Down" , "I'll Be Back Upon My Feet" and "The Door Into Summer"

 

I'll admit it, I enjoy listening to the Monkees even now.

[Gene Honda Civic]

12: Journey gets a video game: At first, the arcade game allowed a player to insert his face onto a character. Then one dude took a picture of his ball bag instead. To avoid the chance of having characters that looked like scrotum, the game was altered to have ones that looked like Journey.

 

Here's a full review of the video game Journey

 

Go here to download an emulator and rom of the old atari 2600 game.

[Capn12]

Here's a full review of the video game Journey

Cheat, you'd be proud to know that I still have Journey the game on an emulator on my laptop. What a dumb game, yet I'm cataclysmically drwan to keep playing that..../shudder

[Gene Honda Civic]

Cheat, you'd be proud to know that I still have Journey the game on an emulator on my laptop. What a dumb game, yet I'm cataclysmically drwan to keep playing that..../shudder

I am sad to say I never had it, although I still own a fully operational Atari 2600. I just now tried to play it on the computer and the graphics, or should I say lack of graphics, made the game damn near impossible.

[Gene Honda Civic]

25: Fans sue Creed for sucking: Creed frontman Scott Stapp took the stage in Chicago on December 29, 2002, unable to remember any of the lame lyrics to his lame songs. Goddamn right the fans should sue.

 

my sister was at this concert... There's no way I would be caught dead at a Creed show... When I asked her about the concert, two days later, she said that it was a "good show"....

 

At one point Stapp curled up in the fetal position on stage and was mumbling into the microphone.. They played two or three songs then left the stage only to return to Stapp not being able to remember the words to his crappy songs.

 

And this is what my sister, the Creed fan, termed a "good" show.

[GASHWOUND]

my sister was at this concert... There's no way I would be caught dead at a Creed show... When I asked her about the concert, two days later, she said that it was a "good show"....

 

At one point Stapp curled up in the fetal position on stage and was mumbling into the microphone.. They played two or three songs then left the stage only to return to Stapp not being able to remember the words to his crappy songs.

 

And this is what my sister, the Creed fan, termed a "good" show.

I wonder what's a bad show for her..murder and mayhem involved in the show?

[Gene Honda Civic]

I wonder what's a bad show for her..murder and mayhem involved in the show?  

She's niave and probably been to 5 concert lifetime, all lame, all within the past year and a half....

 

I got my report from a friend of mine whose opinion, as a ticket broker and avid concert goer, I respect much more in this situation.

 

Note: he's not a complete poser for being at a creed conert. He was taking his 11 year old son, whose favorite band, until the concert, was Creed.

[YASNY]

How can there be a most absurd moments in rock list and there not be a single Alice Cooper or David Bowie reference?