Steff Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop = said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over & handed the girl a $5 ticket for a = safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector = light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop & said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top." ********************************************************* After attending the company Christmas party, the "life of the party" was nursing a king-sized hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an fool of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife. "Piss on him!" answered the husband. "You did," said the wife, "so he fired you!" "Well, screw him!" said the husband. "I did. You go back to work on Monday." ********************************************************* Two old friends were just about to tee off at the 1st hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing & enjoyed the game & the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the new comer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a Hit Man," was the reply. "You're Joking!" was the response. "No, I'm NOT," he said, reaching into his golf bag, & pulling out a beautiful sniper's rifle with a telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle & looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "WOW, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her..... He's naked as well! The b****!" He turned to the HitMan, "How much do you charge for a Hit?" "I'll do a Flat rate, for you, One Thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me NOW?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his Dick off to teach him a lesson." The HitMan took the rifle & took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently. "Just wait a moment, be patient," said the HitMan calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHatSoxFan Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 omg that last one was HILLARIOUS thanks for the laughs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop = said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over & handed the girl a $5 ticket for a = safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector = light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop & said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top." ********************************************************* After attending the company Christmas party, the "life of the party" was nursing a king-sized hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an fool of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife. "Piss on him!" answered the husband. "You did," said the wife, "so he fired you!" "Well, screw him!" said the husband. "I did. You go back to work on Monday." ********************************************************* Two old friends were just about to tee off at the 1st hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing & enjoyed the game & the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the new comer, "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a Hit Man," was the reply. "You're Joking!" was the response. "No, I'm NOT," he said, reaching into his golf bag, & pulling out a beautiful sniper's rifle with a telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle & looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "WOW, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her..... He's naked as well! The b****!" He turned to the HitMan, "How much do you charge for a Hit?" "I'll do a Flat rate, for you, One Thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me NOW?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his Dick off to teach him a lesson." The HitMan took the rifle & took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently. "Just wait a moment, be patient," said the HitMan calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..." The language from you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 The nice things about having an alzheimer patient on your Christmas list is you can have him wrap is own presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 Just wait a moment, be patient," said the HitMan calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..." Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh snappppppppppp! F-ing hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasywheels121 Posted January 2, 2004 Share Posted January 2, 2004 ahahahahah ....That last one just owned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YASNY Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Steph. You're awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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