Texsox Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 April 16, 2004 (Today's list was originally published on April 5, 1999) The Top 14 Signs You're Married to a Liberal 14> In your wedding vows, "love, honor, and cherish" were replaced with "legitimize, empower, and respect her reproductive freedom." 13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is starting to block the sun. 12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why. 11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings. 10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you wipe your own ass. 9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer. 8> You casually mention your "Euthanize the Homeless" idea and -- BANG! -- no sex for a month. 7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let's get to the mall and buy something! 6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse." 5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket launcher. 4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!" 3> It's bad enough that he looks like an extra from "Deliverance" -- now he can't keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those talk shows. 2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!" and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign You're Married to a Liberal... 1> She's got the kids playing "Barbaric Imperialists and Innocent Native Americans" again. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White ] [ To subscribe: [email protected] ] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, "Fur is murder!" LMAO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnB Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given your killer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gene Honda Civic Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings. Ironic that it's the Republicans who are pushing the $1.5BIllion for marriage... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LowerCaseRepublican Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 4> At the height of passion, cries out, "Tax me!!!" That was good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxy Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Left off the most obvious one: You're not--your significant other finds the idea of marriage oppressive and demeaning (as he/she tells you to take out the trash). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilMonkey Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they're "diverse." My socks are 'holey'! , does that make me a right-wing religious zealot? Although I have both white AND black socks. I think I even have a brown pair somewhere. Hmmm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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