Heads22 Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 http://www.whitesoxcentral.com/stateofsox.html Any feedback would be cool. I wrote this in about an hour.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 It sucks Ok, now I'll actually read it and see what I think... I shall be right back Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Be Good Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Great article...I loved how your wraped it up. Soxheads: Wrapup The Sox are off to an 8-4 start this year and can be considered a surprise to many people who don’t follow the organization. The talent is most definitely there. Now it’s just a matter of utilizing that talent out on the the field, and Ozzie Guillen appears to be the guy who can get that talent to produce. Headsie ya did a great job, you should persue writing if ya intrested enough in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 I just tried to see how many times I could fit 'talent' in there sensibly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Nicely done Heads. Man I'm pumped about this season.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 It's a solid article. It basically sums up the season thus far, and is well written. However, there is one part that is kind of awkward and repetitive... His defense has been spectacular, as witnessed by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base. To me, it seems like you're saying the same thing twice. I see nothing blatantly wrong with it, and there's nothing I disagree with much. Looks good to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 I don't really see myself writing in the future....mainly cause I don't come up with ideas really well...i like to write, but I doubt it'd ever be more than a hobby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 It's a solid article. It basically sums up the season thus far, and is well written. However, there is one part that is kind of awkward and repetitive... To me, it seems like you're saying the same thing twice. I see nothing blatantly wrong with it, and there's nothing I disagree with much. Looks good to me. Must be a North Dakota thing....things are different down here in Iowa... Actually, it was the way I'm being taught to write in my AP Lit and Comp class....introduce something, then back it up....it's a real pain in the ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Must be a North Dakota thing....things are different down here in Iowa... Actually, it was the way I'm being taught to write in my AP Lit and Comp class....introduce something, then back it up....it's a real pain in the ass. :finger I understand what you're saying and how you are trying to point it out. I just think it is a little awkward using the same verb twice in a row like that...maybe it just soudns weird to me. I just think that "His defense has been spectacular, as witnessed by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base" with 'witnessed' being the key verb both times could be upgraded a little. IMO, "His defense has been spectacular, as seen first-hand by Hideki Matsui. Matsui witnessed Olivo’s exemplary arm as he was picked off at second base. " To me, the way I have it worded just seems a little more colorful. Using the same verb, especially in back-to-back sentences, seems to get a little boring. Using synonyms like that I think can help make articles more fun to read. I couldn't have written an article like that with such big words, and that's the only thing that I found really wrong. It's nothing to complain about Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted April 20, 2004 Author Share Posted April 20, 2004 I love you too, WSF. Yeah, you're right. And yes, I do like big words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molto Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I skimmed through it and thought it was a good piece as well Alex. there were times when you were a bit repetitive and could've combined two sentences, but it was a good piece overall. considering your age, you could definitely become a writer, but as you said, the getting the ideas is the hard part. there are some good writers out there, but they can't think of more than one thing to write every month or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 I love you too, WSF. Yeah, you're right. And yes, I do like big words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chisoxfn Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 there are some good writers out there, but they can't think of more than one thing to write every month or so. Geeze, that reminds me of someone Mario Good Stuff Alex, it was well written. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elrockinMT Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 It sucks Ok, now I'll actually read it and see what I think... I shall be right back Heh WhiteSoxFan! The only thing missing from the story is those great No.Dakota jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 Heh WhiteSoxFan! The only thing missing from the story is those great No.Dakota jokes. Montana ain't much better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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