You've got to see this!

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

From Gary Miller at ESPN:

 

 

 

 

How appropriate.  Cub fans urinate on Wrigleyville lawns.  Keery Wood has been ticketed for public urination.  Wrigley Field is the world's largest urinal ... and now this.

The entire Flubbs organization must have a urine fetish, I swear!

 

 

You'd think that rookies fresh from the minors are forced to drink from a beer funnel that has been pissed in by the whole team or something.

[santo=dorf]

When the Cubs play the Sox, someone throw a piss cup at him.  Or throw some toilet paper at him.  Or better yet, throw a f***ing toilet at his ass and ask him if he's ever used one.

USCF is not Wrigley Field (thank GOD!) There should be no need to throw ANYTHING onto the field of play. Someone should just make a big ass sign that says "Employees Must Wash Hands."

[gettysburg32]

I can't wait till Alou comes to Comiskey so I can make a sign that reads GOLDEN SHOWER

:puke

 

And oh yeah...CUBS LOSE :fthecubs

[witesoxfan]

USCF is not Wrigley Field (thank GOD!)  There should be no need to throw ANYTHING onto the field of play.  Someone should just make a big ass sign that says "Employees Must Wash Hands."

LMAO...sounds good

[santo=dorf]

[Goldmember]

nice to know that image was hosted by tripod...

[witesoxfan]

Not sure if anyone saw it, but I saw on ESPNEWS that Jorge Posada pisses on his hands too.

 

And let the jokes begin

[hammerhead johnson]

Not sure if anyone saw it, but I saw on ESPNEWS that Jorge Posada pisses on his hands too. 

These guys have no shame.

 

I mean, these are things that should be taken with you to your grave.

[whitesoxin']

Not sure if anyone saw it, but I saw on ESPNEWS that Jorge Posada pisses on his hands too. 

 

And let the jokes begin 

Jorge PISSada. Wow, wtf are they thinking to even tell people about this disgusting habit?

[Bighurt52235]

Not sure if anyone saw it, but I saw on ESPNEWS that Jorge Posada pisses on his hands too. 

 

And let the jokes begin 

Did they say he REALLY does? I heard his named mentioned with this, but I thought it was joking/speculation due to his lack of batting gloves. :puke

 

 

We need to get a "piss-on-hands" smilie going.

[CSF]

The biggest Cubs apologist this side of Mike Kiley is spewing trash again.

 

Gee, whiz -- let's just stop the Alou jokes

 

May 11, 2004

 

BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST Advertisement

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hereby declare a moratorium on Moises Alou wee-wee jokes, even if he'd make a perfect pitchman for Allstate Insurance. Sympathy for the poor guy officially kicked in Monday afternoon, when one of those smarmy sports-talk hosts compared his last name to the British slang term for toilet.

 

 

 

A loo -- get it?

 

Sure, a lot of us were grossed out by Alou's disclosure that he urinates on his hands, a technique used to give them a harder texture during the long baseball season. The very thought instantly devalued any attempt to obtain his autograph, invite him to a banquet or, if you happen to be one of his Cubs teammates, congratulate him with a handshake after a home run. ''I'm not giving him a high-five ever again,'' cracked Sammy Sosa, who often is standing at the plate with greetings after an Alou jack.

 

But if we possibly can control ourselves here, let's bag the humor and remember who we're ridiculing. Suddenly, everything Alou has done throughout an impressive major-league career is being overwhelmed by this unique study in urinalysis. In 14 seasons, the esteemed son of Felipe Alou has maintained a .301 batting average, hit for power, played in four All-Star Games and won a World Series championship. He has become the best of the famous baseball-playing Alous -- don't forget his uncles, Jesus and Matty -- which isn't a bad distinction considering he didn't start organized ball until college. In a clubhouse of diverse personalities and egos, Mo is the rock of the Cubs, maybe the most respected leader in the room.

 

What a shame if one dirty little secret of his craft, something he didn't intend for public discussion, emerges as the most memorable item of his career. While it's hard to agree with his claim that ''urine is like water,'' which is only true when drinking certain light beers, I would argue that Alou's statistics have more than justified his curious methods. The story leaked because Moises happened to mention it recently to ESPN's Gary Miller, but didn't emphasize he was speaking off-the-record. Miller, a respected reporter who grew up in the Chicago suburbs, ran the news as a small bit in his Internet column. Once the blurb reached the local airwaves, Alou's otherwise spotless reputation was dampened.

 

When he briefly addressed reporters the other day, he tried to hold his head high. ''I'm not embarrassed by it,'' Alou said. But he clearly was stung by the magnitude of the reaction, the buzz quotient on radio shows and in chat rooms. Not much shocks anyone in popular culture anymore, but this tale managed to transcend baseball and make its way around the country. Perhaps Alou will laugh about it someday, but not yet.

 

''I don't want to talk about that because I told somebody who wasn't supposed to print it,'' he said. ''It's like saying what you do at home. What I do at home, I don't want anybody to know what I do. What I do here, people see what I do around here in the clubhouse or on the field. And that's what should be printed. If someone is telling the truth, they have the right to write that. 'Off the record' is not in my vocabulary. If you have a microphone or a tape recorder in your hand, I know it's going to be printed. I might have a closer relationship with some reporters and I might say something where I don't need to say it's off the record.''

 

By now, Alou should understand the media rules: Anything that isn't declared off the record is on the record. Just the same, the media need to move on to their next giggle and realize that rituals, however strange, are part of baseball. When Kerry Wood develops blisters on his pitching fingers, he has been known to go the Alou route. ''Oh, absolutely. It's more of a finger hardener,'' Wood told ESPN 1000. ''Not on a daily basis, but I've done it a time or two. It's been around for a while. I know some guys were disappointed that [Alou's story] got out when it wasn't supposed to, but I've tried it. And it's around the clubhouse.''

 

You'd be amazed at some of the weird things that happen in baseball clubhouses, where players try anything for an edge. Some stick wads of gum on their caps. Turk Wendell, of course, will enter a Hall of Shame for brushing his teeth between innings and requiring the right fielder to tip his cap to him when he enters a game. Nomar Garciaparra is a superstitious, twitching loon -- stepping on each dugout step with both feet, constantly removing his glove in the field and smelling the sweaty leather, touching his nose for no reason, tapping his toes in the batter's box. Before every game, Wade Boggs ate chicken prepared 50 different ways, left his house at the same precise nanosecond and fixated on the numbers 7 and 17. Even Ted Williams had anal tendencies, refusing to use a bat unless he hand-picked it from a particular piece of timber from the Hillerich and Bradsby factory in Kentucky.

 

We've heard of pitchers using pickle brine to heal blisters and batters dipping their hands into buckets of rice. But Alou, who doesn't use a batting glove, has introduced us to new levels of creativity. At first, Dusty Baker tried to make light of it. ''I know guys don't want to shake his hand now,'' he said. ''Everyone just gives him the fist.''

 

But if you haven't noticed, Alou hasn't hit too well since his secret surfaced. He fell into an 0-for-16 hole last week before managing four hits over the weekend against Colorado, including a solo homer Saturday. It's no coincidence that the Cubs falter offensively when Alou is slumping. To realistically be a pennant contender, they'll need more glimpses of the cleanup hitter who recently batted .450 with six homers and 15 RBI over a 14-game stretch. Which is why Baker wants the jokes to stop.

 

''That's not anybody's business, really,'' said the manager, who has had a number of issues with media members since spring training. ''I didn't know Mo did that, but I played in Latin America and I heard that [being done] before many times. There are certain things that should stay in the clubhouse. Boys will be boys in the clubhouse. That's what makes the game kind of fun. [but] nothing's private. The thing that you worry about is that there are rumors that can be started by anybody. Things spread. I've seen some things about people and no one is accountable for what they say -- especially if it's not true.''

 

It's too late to complain now. Not only is the Alou tale true, it has trickled into the mass consciousness. The same man who was tangled up by Steve Bartman in October now has to deal with toilet humor. We can't bring back the foul ball, but we can give Moises a pass.

 

While wondering exactly how he goes about doing his duty.

 

 

Jay Mariotti hosts a sports talk show weekdays on WMVP-AM (1000) from 9-11 a.m. and appears on ESPN's ''Around the Horn'' at 4 p.m. Send e-mail to [email protected] with name, hometown and daytime phone number (letters run Sunday).