Kotex Boy: This could be a fun summer...

[aboz56]

BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

 

Gov. Blahblahblah wouldn't like it, having told a national sports magazine that he "bleeds Cubbie blue'' and "wouldn't wear a White Sox cap even if they made the World Series.'' Nor would the nervous denizens of Cubdom handle it well, given all the hype and anticipation, the blown-up Bartman ball, the ongoing Mardi Gras in Wrigleyville and the now-wavering premise that 2004 finally is The Year.

 

But can you imagine how the earth would move in this town if the White Sox make the playoffs and the Cubs don't? Can't you just hear the chirping of Hawk Harrelson, the arrogant ramblings of Jerry Reinsdorf and the nah-nah-nah-nahs, hey-heys and goodbyes of maligned Sox fans who probably would surround Wrigley Field for a group mooning? Nothing is more soothing for the South Side inferiority complex than celebrating Sox glory while ridiculing more Cubbie woe. Too early to envision the scenario?

 

Not at all, particularly when history reminds us that the Memorial Day benchmark often reveals developing trends. In a baseball burg that never has made much sense, is this the season when logic flip-flops and the Sox get the Cubs' (billy) goat? While the North Siders endure preposterously bad luck and hope their season isn't lost by the time Mark Prior, Kerry Wood and Sammy Sosa return, the Sox resemble a team that could win -- no, SHOULD win -- the American League Central. The every-day lineup, sparked by an unlikely force named Juan Uribe, is potent enough to create a comfort zone that calms Mark Buehrle and Esteban Loaiza, who are pitching lately like one of the league's best 1-2 combos. Bullpen issues linger, but not many others.

 

Of course, whether the Sox maximize their promise depends on management. The onus is on Reinsdorf to approve a deal for another reliable starting pitcher, a move usually predicated on whether he is satisfied with ballmall attendance. It is precisely that attitude that galls people about the chairman, knowing if a restaurant operated in such a manner -- we're not serving the best food unless we're booked solid every night -- the joint would go under. But there was his trusty deputy, general manager Ken Williams, predicting Reinsdorf will be receptive when teams are ready to talk trade in a few weeks. Can you say Freddy Garcia?

 

"Jerry is excited about the club and the potential,'' Williams said.

 

And why not? Winning is fun, fun is winning. That phrase sounds pretty dumb and shallow, much like one of Hawk's verbal ducksnorts, but in a complicated and often-convoluted organization, the simplistic sayings of Ozzie Guillen are as refreshing as the way he runs the ballclub. Ever hear of a manager who orders a closed-door clubhouse meeting AFTER his team assumes first place? That's the Blizzard of Oz for you, as he explains. "Most managers have a meeting because they're losing and the team is down. But we're at the level we want to be at, and I want to make sure we stay at the same level all year,'' Guillen said. "I don't want the players to feel bad when we go through a bad period, but I don't want them to feel comfortable when we have a good stretch, either. That's the way you win a pennant.''

 

If not the stuff of textbooks, the preachings of Ozzie certainly have been effective. Other than his Opening Day misuse of the bullpen and a brief flap involving the playing time of Paul Konerko and Joe Crede, both of whom got over their problems quickly, Guillen has expertly navigated a clubhouse that traditionally has been rude and difficult. No one sulks or broods anymore, not even Frank Thomas, who by now was supposed to be immersed in a steel-cage-match feud with his spicy-tempered former teammate. To Guillen's credit, he has matured dramatically since the old days, when he'd see Thomas across the clubhouse and shout, "Put down that hot dog, Frank!'' Or when he'd congratulate a writer for ripping Thomas when he failed to bowl over the catcher in a bang-bang play. Now, Frank laughs when Ozzie has fun with him, such as when Thomas celebrated his 36th birthday the other day.

 

"I wanted everyone to sing 'Happy Birthday' to him and make it embarrassing,'' he said. "And you know Frank's not 36.''

 

When veteran bench coach Joe Nossek left suddenly in March, you figured the Sox would become a Keystone Kops farce. But the Blizzard of Oz, similar to most effective sports leaders these days, grasps the rhythms and moods of his players. He is firmly their ally, even when he criticizes them. When they were routed in Minnesota last weekend, their only loss of a propelling series, Ozzie didn't get mad. No, he blasted salsa music and tried to dance with a reporter. Then he spent several days directing his energy in a productive way: urging his GM to stop the merry-go-round involving the problematic No. 5 starter. Last season, the team's fifth starters went a combined 3-12, enough to prevent a division title. When Bartolo Colon rejected a three-year offer last winter and signed with the Anaheim Angels, who are providing a healthy litmus test for the Sox this weekend, Williams wasn't allowed to replace him with a quality starter because the Sox' payroll was over $60 million. Thus, the hole remains -- the difference between being a good club and a potentially great club.

 

Usually, your friendly neighborhood columnist has to browbeat Sox executives to spend money, noting that their team has thrown a World Series since last winning one. But now I have a co-conspirator. "Every time we throw someone, I want our guys to feel we have a chance to win the game,'' Guillen said. "I don't want them to feel empty when that spot comes around. I don't want that feeling in my clubhouse. That's why I drive Kenny crazy about this.''

 

Saturday, the Sox trotted out their latest fifth starter, 6-11 Jon Rauch, whom I once nicknamed "The Bigger Unit'' because he's an inch taller than Randy Johnson. Rauch was pulled in the fourth and left the Cell before the game was over, leaving a furious Williams to question whether Rauch ever will pitch for the Sox again. When Guillen leaked the news of Rauch's recall Friday afternoon, Williams wasn't pleased because he felt it made some pitchers uncomfortable heading into a game.

 

But he recognizes the problem. Williams has been trying for weeks to pry Garcia from the Mariners. If he succeeds, his hit-and-miss reputation will receive a major boost. For all the flak he takes about his three bust deals -- David Wells, Todd Ritchie and Billy Koch -- Williams deserves huge props for acquiring Loaiza, Uribe and Scott Schoeneweis. When we can find praise for the embattled GM, it means one thing.

 

This could be a fun summer ... on the wrong side of town.

 

Okay, I just wanted to point out two things that prove (once again) this guy is a dumbass...

 

Exhibit (1) "Bullpen issues linger, but not many others."

 

We need a 5th starter, I'd call that a major "issue"

 

Exhibit (2) "Other than his Opening Day misuse of the bullpen and a brief flap involving the playing time of Paul Konerko and Joe Crede, both of whom got over their problems quickly"

 

Since when did Crede get over his problems? As far as I am concerned as each day goes along he is falling deeper into a problem as his batting average dips below the mendoza line...

 

Way to pay attention to what exactly is going on, jackass.

[southsider2k5]

Even if an article where he starts to contradict what he has written all winter, he still has to make it as negative as possible

 

:fyou Kotex-Boy.

[greasywheels121]

He can never be totally positive can he? For every piece of praise he backs it up with a note that bashes. Now I remember why I refuse to watch ATH.

[Dick Allen]

I have a little information. Its one of those friend of a friend deals, but this article seems to back it up. ESPN is doing one of those celebrity roast deals for Dan Patrick, and were expecting the White Sox to buy a bunch of tables. Evidently, they haven't and aren't going to buy even one. They are desperately trying to sell tables on stubhub. I don't know if the Sun-Times is co sponsoring this event, but I was told that Mariotti has been told in no uncertain terms to lighten up his White Sox and more specifically his JR bashing. So this way, he still gets a couple up licks in, but can still put a postive spin on the column. He is a loser.

[quade36]

Actually, you can kind of tell Mariotti is writing this with a huge gulp. Its okay if he is negative, but at the same time he is admitting this is a good team. This is a far cry from this past winter and spring training when he was ranting and raving on how bad they were. This is quite entertaining to read...

[Ishmookie]

if we win the series we'll hold mass jay marriotti article burnings.

[The Critic]

Mariotti's columns are still fishwrap.

He's a minor-league columnist with really really weak "catchphrases" ( example: "Whatever They're Calling The Ballmall These Days" for USCF - f***ing sad attempt at an insult ).

His column is purely comic relief.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

Mariotti's columns are still fishwrap.

He's a minor-league columnist with really really weak "catchphrases" ( example: "Whatever They're Calling The Ballmall These Days" for USCF - f***ing sad attempt at an insult ).

His column is purely comic relief.

I dont really find him funny unless he's ranting about the latest Flubbs f***up. Aside from that he's a total f***twit.

[The Critic]

I dont really find him funny unless he's ranting about the latest Flubbs f***up.  Aside from that he's a total f***twit.

I mean "comic relief" to the extent that his opinions are so f***ed-in-the-head that you have to laugh at the workings of that giant hollow head of his.

When he TRIES to be funny, it's a sad dismal failure each and every time.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

I mean "comic relief" to the extent that his opinions are so f***ed-in-the-head that you have to laugh at the workings of that giant hollow head of his.

When he TRIES to be funny, it's a sad dismal failure each and every time.

Yeah. It's pretty hard to be so biased toward such a s***ty team without making yourself sound stupid all the time.

[CubKilla]

You gotta admit though that the idea of "Sox fans..... surroud(ing) Wrigley Field for a group mooning" come September would be, truly, a sight to behold.

 

Just becareful of who's running up behind you with a huge smile on their face decked out in Cubbie blue.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

You gotta admit though that the idea of "Sox fans..... surroud(ing) Wrigley Field for a group mooning" come September would be, truly, a sight to behold.

 

Just becareful of who's running up behind you with a huge smile on their face decked out in Cubbie blue.

You might want to be careful showing your bare ass in that neighborhood.

 

[EvilJester99]

Kotex boy is pissed because the Sox are winning and his scrubbies are losing. He would love nothing more than to rub the losses in the face of Reinsdorf. Since he can't he has to try and bring any negative he can. f*** him. Kotex boy is nothing but a shock jock kind of reporter .

[ChiSox_Sonix]

he claims he is not biased, yet writes this in the last sentence:

 

This could be a fun summer ... on the wrong side of town

 

Um....?

[MinnesotaSoxFan]

What the hell is "ballmall"?

[AngelasDaddy0427]

No offense but why would you ever bother reading the column.

He's paid to cause trouble and sell papers.

To be shocked that he's stirring the pot again is just stupid.

[The Critic]

What the hell is "ballmall"?

"Ballmall" is a cutesy little phrase that some people came up with for New Comiskey becuase there were things to do in there other than just go to your seat and stare at the field ( most;y just fun stuff for kids like radar guns and baseball card photo booths ).

I can't understand how having extra amenities for fans is a bad thing, but "purists" apprently think it is.....

[The Critic]

No offense but why would you ever bother reading the column.

I read his column for two main reasons:

1 ) The Southtown is not printed in tabloid format. I do the vast majority of my newspaper reading on the train to work, and I do NOT feel like doing oragami on the train. Therefore, I buy the Sun-Times.

2 ) His opinions make me laugh WAY more often than they get me upset. It's hard to get mad at someone as dumb as Jay.

[YASNY]

Well, once again jay moriatti shows his true colors (blue, of course). He can't stand it that the Sox are exceeding the expectations of the preseason prognosticators and his Cubs are struggling against such venerable opponents as the Pittsburg Pirates.

[Texsox]

Marrioti doesn't care who is winning and losing. In fact both teams wining would sell more newspapers and give him more to write about.

 

You guys are f***ing unbelievable. String together your posts for the past couple weeks and tell me there isn't anything negative? Name one poster here that y'all wouldn't lamblast if it was printed in the Sun-Times or Trib? Read the threads.

 

Nuke, how many times have you taken shots at Koch? How many Valentin rants have we read? How many why is Crede playing threads? But you think Marrioti is somehow picking on the Sox.

 

Give me a f***ing break.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

Marrioti doesn't care who is winning and losing. In fact both teams wining would sell more newspapers and give him more to write about.

 

You guys are f***ing unbelievable. String together your posts for the past couple weeks and tell me there isn't anything negative? Name one poster here that y'all wouldn't lamblast if it was printed in the Sun-Times or Trib? Read the threads.

 

Nuke, how many times have you taken shots at Koch? How many Valentin rants have we read? How many why is Crede playing threads? But you think Marrioti is somehow picking on the Sox.

 

Give me a f***ing break.

WOAH!!!

 

I take shots at players that deserve it but by no means am I the only one & I dont recall ever saying anything bad about Crede. And for every shot I take at Botch or K-alentin there's several heaping praise on MB or Loaiza or Paulie or even THOMAS & you know how much fun I used to have with him.

 

I give credit where it's due and taks shots when someone has it coming. Mariotti hates all of em & said as much with the last line of his column "On the Wrong side of town" Implying that for the Sox to win is somehow wrong and the Flubbs should be the winners in this town.

 

Much as you say otherwise I'm pretty fair in doling out criticism & praise.

[Texsox]

WOAH!!!

 

I take shots at players that deserve it but by no means am I the only one & I dont recall ever saying anything bad about Crede.  And for every shot I take at Botch or K-alentin there's several heaping praise on MB or Loaiza or Paulie or even THOMAS & you know how much fun I used to have with him.

 

I give credit where it's due and taks shots when someone has it coming.  Mariotti hates all of em & said as much with the last line of his column "On the Wrong side of town"  Implying that for the Sox to win is somehow wrong and the Flubbs should be the winners in this town.

 

Much as you say otherwise I'm pretty fair in doling out criticism & praise.

I think you are very fair and agree with your evaluation of almost every player. However if instead of writing it here, you ghost wrote a Mariotti colum, everyone would complain. What I meant was, if we took everything you wrote, (and not just you but everyone here) labeled it as coming from Mariotti, there would be a big round of boos. Mariotti prints some of the same complaints we have and we scream Cub bias.

 

I read wrong side of town to mean the Cubs were on almost everyone's list to win their division. Certainly more people felt the Cubs would win then the Sox. We had a disaster for off season. IIRC Mariotti thought our lack of a 5th starter would be a problem, our closer would be a problem, thinks JR should spend money then expect attendance, not reverse, didn't like Ballmall Part 1, and a few other things that would get applauds here.

[CSF]

Williams talks tough, but we need action

 

May 31, 2004

 

BY JAY MARIOTTI SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

 

Crank him up, hear him talk. That's the Kenny Williams Wind-Up Doll, with a voice deep enough to double for Lou Rawls, making news all weekend on the first-place side of town. No one doubts the passion of the 40-year-old general manager, who isn't shy in his zeal to end the 86-year ache of the White Sox, a plague not nearly as romanticized as Cubbie futility and no less bloody.

 

But in his fourth season on the job, it's high time Williams channels those passions into progress. Big and tough as the man talks, his bullhorn-loud proclamations will ring hollow if he can't direct the Sox to what appears an easily navigable American League Central title. Yes, he created a stir by ripping into Jon Rauch, the battered pitcher who broke team rules by fleeing the clubhouse and driving back to his old Kentucky home before Saturday's loss was over. Yet in the wake of numerous flops by Rauch and other No. 5 starters, who have combined for an 0-7 record and 10.09 ERA after the same slot went 3-12 last year, I have a bigger question for Kenny GM.

 

How do you intend to fix the problem, patch the hole, fill the crater?

 

What scares me about Williams was a verbal dropping that got lost in the Rauch rubble. Asked about the trade market, he expressed an eagerness to explore all avenues, including the well-established concept of pursuing pitcher Freddy Garcia from Seattle. But in reiterating his pledge to do whatever it takes to win it all, he also seemed to plant a curious seed.

 

Nobody is untouchable, he said. Then, in case nobody heard him the first time, he repeated it.

 

Assuming Magglio Ordonez is a somebody, let's hope Williams isn't suggesting to his general-managing colleagues that he would unload the rest of Ordonez's $14 million salary and deal him for a starting pitcher. Just in case he's serious, I'm here to inform Sox management -- you, too, Jerry Reinsdorf -- that such a salary dumping would be counterproductive, foolish and every bit as controversial as the White Flag Trade of seven years ago. A team doesn't trade its best and most popular ballplayer, a man of truly good character who was homegrown in the system and still has five prime years left, because it doesn't want to give him a lucrative payday. I'd much prefer to hear the happier news, in coming weeks, that Maggs has signed an extension. Ordonez is on record that he wants a long-term contract similar to those of Vladimir Guerrero and Miguel Tejada -- $12 million to $14 million a year for at least five years. Given Ordonez's all-encompassing value to an organization short on goodwill and fan-friendliness, he is well worth the investment. The Sox say they've made an offer that still stands, but knowing their past practices, be certain it's a lowball in any market-value context.

 

Ideally, with Chicago's media pendulum shifting to the South Side and an exciting summer ahead, the Sox would be thinking of ways to add without subtracting. It will take an aggressive package to land Garcia, who will be as coveted as any arm on the July market, but the deal isn't worth doing if Ordonez is the bait. When a team hasn't won a World Series since 1917, as the Kenny Wind-Up Doll keeps repeating, you don't make your rotation stronger by trading one of the game's best right fielders. No, you find other ways of getting the deal done while upping the ante the next time you talk to Adam Katz, Ordonez's agent. Having been front and center in the tempestuous Sammy Sosa negotiations two years ago, Katz will keep a very low profile this time, as Magglio wants it. But we all know the rule of thumb in free-agent-year contract talks: The longer a season continues without a deal, the more likely a player will file for free agency and sign elsewhere. Name me the last player who re-signed with his team when allowed to seek his freedom.

 

You can't. Nor would Maggs. All I know is, Williams better not screw it up this time with such a wonderful opportunity before him. Thanks to the pitching miseries of the Kansas City Royals, the AL Central is a two-team race. And while the Minnesota Twins always squeeze the max from their talent, offseason roster losses will take a toll. Clearly, this is the Sox's division to win. And with Reinsdorf supposedly committed to midseason payroll upgrades -- why not give Magglio his $70 million over five, then? -- the onus is on Williams to bring more cloth to the flagpoles.

 

Since inheriting a division-title team from Ron Schueler, Kenny GM is 0-for-3 in attempts to make the playoffs. By no coincidence, he swung and missed badly on three deals preceding those seasons: Billy Koch (dumb), Todd Ritchie (dumber) and David Wells (dumbest). Since then, he has excelled in acquisitions when no one was looking, making his frugal boss happy by stealing Esteban Loaiza, Scott Schoeneweis and this year's find, Juan Uribe. Those are the sort of pickups that lead to Executive of the Year awards.

 

But Williams can't be the Paul Konerko of the front-office set, so up and down that he drives us daffy. He has to build on his great deals and put the Sox over the top with the killer manuever. His outburst over Rauch confounded me, to be honest. No one expected much from the latest No. 5 starter, who hasn't been heard from since the 2000 Olympics. When he got rocked and bolted early, it should have been a sign to Williams that the kid is an emotional wreck and not cut out for the big leagues. The situation called for behind-the-scenes calm and advice, but the volatile boss only deepened the scars when he said through a spokesman, "He severely hampered his chances of ever pitching for the White Sox again. If any team has any interest in Jon Rauch, they should contact me."

 

So much for Rauch having any trade value. Sunday, Williams wasn't any more stable about the situation, saying he would poll Sox players about Rauch's future. "At this time, if anyone has the question of whether I still mean what I said, I think the answer is I'm not exactly sure," Williams said. "And I won't be sure until I get the pulse of the guys in the clubhouse, his teammates, and see how they feel."

 

Rather than waste energy on a wannabe, he should pour it into finding a legitimate pitcher. Can the Kenny Wind-Up Doll deliver? It's time to put a division title where his mouth is.

 

 

Jay Mariotti hosts a sports talk show weekdays on WMVP-AM (1000) from 9-11 a.m. and appears on ESPN's ''Around the Horn'' at 4 p.m. Send e-mail to [email protected] with name, hometown and daytime phone number (letters run Sunday).

 

Kenny Wind-Up Doll? Can this douchebag ever write a Sox column without giving someone in the organization a stupid nickname? This guy is the supreme asswipe.

[Queen Prawn]

Williams talks tough, but we need action

WE?! WE?! Since when as Mariotti been a Sox Fan?!

 

[Texsox]

Mariotti should be a regular poster here.