1549 Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Tums to Release 'Bums' in Chicago Monday June 7, 2004 Associated Press Chicago-The makers of the popular heartburn relief product Tums have announced the release of a new product, 'Bums'. The announcement followed a particularly bad weekend for closers on Chicago baseball teams. "Fans often blame indigestion and heart burn on the stress of late inning baseball" said the company's CEO James Worth, "we want those fans to choose our brands". The company began floating the idea during the 2002 season; however they dumped the plan when Joe Borowski settled in for the Cubs on the North side of Chicago. "We thought about releasing a theme based product on the South side of town, but demographics suggest the product needs to sell to fans from both organizations" Worth said. 'Bums' will be sold in cartons with White Sox closer Billy Koch pictured on them, and rolls featuring a picture of the Cubs closer Joe Borowski. Jerry Reinsdorf also thinks 'Bums' will be a hit, "These things will sell like crazy at our concession stands, I think [Koch] can really make a lot of money for both the good people at Tums, and wealthy owners like myself". A similar sentiment was felt on the North side of town. "I can't wait to use these when I am on the hill." Borowski admitted, "I hope they work as well as the originals". The Tribune Company has already vowed to ban Rolaids inside Wrigley Field. "Anyone who brings that terrible Rolaids brand into our park will be executed on the field" said an anonymous Tribune employee. The Tums Company hopes to have the product on shelves around the Chicago Metropolitan area sometime in early July. © Associated Press. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2004 ComStock, Inc. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chimpy2121 Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aboz56 Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Good stuff right there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1549 Posted June 8, 2004 Author Share Posted June 8, 2004 I was hoping to make it seem more authentic, but I was too lazy to find out who makes Tums, and their CEO's name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnB Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Genius marketing right there. They should hire you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxbadger Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Reisndorf would never say "Wealthy owner's like myself." If you had attributed a quote that said something about how poor owners were, it would have sounded better. SB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1549 Posted June 8, 2004 Author Share Posted June 8, 2004 Reisndorf would never say "Wealthy owner's like myself." If you had attributed a quote that said something about how poor owners were, it would have sounded better. SB I'll consider that next time I write a spoof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTUSChris Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 That's really funny. Nice job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Nicely done 1549. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 I was hoping to make it seem more authentic, but I was too lazy to find out who makes Tums, and their CEO's name. Do we have a future Onion staff writer on our hands? Well done. And the over-the-top quotes by JR are good, they're the absurd extreme to let readers (the really slow ones) know they've been had. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasywheels121 Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Haha very nice 1549! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiSox_Sonix Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IlliniKrush Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Genius marketing right there. They should hire you Until he comes up with something as good as the "line shot" commercials (or whatever they were called) featuring Thomas, Ventura, Karchner, etc, i don't want him anywhere near the Sox marketing department.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danman31 Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Reisndorf would never say "Wealthy owner's like myself." If you had attributed a quote that said something about how poor owners were, it would have sounded better. SB Yeah he had me until then. I thought it was real thinking, wtf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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