hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 one of my favriote comedians is named bill hicks.. the guy was amazing.... one of his stand up bits is about dinosaurs in the bible and how some guy in texas tried to tell him once that dinosaurs didnt exist... here's a quote... "I beleive that the world's 12 thousand years old because thats what the Bible said" - some texas guy talking to bill. "Well, ok then buddy, if you say the world is 12 thousand years old, and the Bible covers the enitre history of our world... then I just have one question for you." bill says to the texas guy "Whats that question buddy?" says the guy to Bill. "Dinosaurs? What about f***ing DINOSAURS??? You'd think it would have been mentioned in the f***ing Bible at some point. Something like.... "Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big f***ing lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat f***ing families and their fat dollar bills.And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord." "Get this, I actually asked one of these Texan guys, OK, Dinosaurs fossils - how does that fit into you scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in, get real nice and ready for this one. He said, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." I think God put you here to test my faith, Dude. You believe that? "uh huh." Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. f***in' with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around: "Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha." [mimes God burying fossils] " I am a prankster God." "I am killing Me." "So, you die and go to see Saint Peter to get into the house of the lord and he asks you, ' So, did you believe in Dinosaurs?' and you of course reply, sure I do, there were fossils everywhere! and Peter presses a button sending you falling down, down, down.... to hell... all the while laughing at you saying, ' what are you a f***in idiot? dinosaur fossils? that was one of God's easiest tricks!" dude was a bad ass comedian... its even better to hear, look it up audio style... you can hear the file here... http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?j=...t&ref=03&loc=01 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around: "Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha." [mimes God burying fossils] " I am a prankster God." "I am killing Me." LMAO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 [Moving to Sex, Lies, and Politics...] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RibbieRubarb Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Not entirely accurate... There are passages in the Bible that refer to large creatures and monsters http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/dinos.shtml I don't buy into this, but that is their explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 uh, robbie, its a comedians act, take if for face vaule, a good laugh... instead of critising just a sugesstion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiff Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Hicks was a solid comedian, sometimes he got a little too angry and went off the handle but he had some good material. Sucks that he died so young, but seemingly all the good ones do. I think it was Jay Mohr that accused Dennis Leary of stealing Hicks's material a couple months ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RibbieRubarb Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 uh, robbie, its a comedians act, take if for face vaule, a good laugh... instead of critising just a sugesstion? Um..really?? I know, its very funny. I'm a big fan of Hicks. I just thought it would be interesting to know how they explain Dinos for real. Lighten up, yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 spiff, someone really acused leary of that... wow, ill have to find an article about it nice to see that someone else knew who he was spiff... and yeah, he did get a little pissed off... the man was on the edge if not over it all the time... " GO SEE SOMEONE GOOD, GO SEE f***ING MADONANA, YOU DRUNK f***ING c***! YEAH, YOU CAN YEAL AT PREFROMERS BECAUSE YOUR A DRUNK f***ING c*** THAT DOSENT HAVE A COCK... IM A DRUNK c***, I DONT HAVE A COCK! I CAN YEAL AT PREFROMERS!" seconds later, "sorry you all had to see that folks." that was bill at his worst, but god damn if i didnt laugh my ass of when i heard that for the first time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 Um..really?? I know, its very funny. I'm a big fan of Hicks. I just thought it would be interesting to know how they explain Dinos for real. Lighten up, yourself. true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RibbieRubarb Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 No harm no foul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Hicks was one of the best, I was lucky enough to see him perform twice. He could be off his game at times for some reason, bad mood or whatever, but even then his anger came through as really funny thoughtful stuff. I don't think Leary steals Hicks' act, he just has a somewhat similar style. Jay Mohr strikes me as a touch bitter and jealous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 got to see him live 2 times lucky is right, wow ive seen tons of videos and heard tons of audio, but accually being there... wow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iguana Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 one of my favriote comedians is named bill hicks.. the guy was amazing.... one of his stand up bits is about dinosaurs in the bible and how some guy in texas tried to tell him once that dinosaurs didnt exist... here's a quote... "I beleive that the world's 12 thousand years old because thats what the Bible said" - some texas guy talking to bill. "Well, ok then buddy, if you say the world is 12 thousand years old, and the Bible covers the enitre history of our world... then I just have one question for you." bill says to the texas guy "Whats that question buddy?" says the guy to Bill. "Dinosaurs? What about f***ing DINOSAURS??? You'd think it would have been mentioned in the f***ing Bible at some point. Something like.... "Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus... with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big f***ing lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch for O so many years inviting thousands of American tourists to bring their fat f***ing families and their fat dollar bills.And oh Scotland did praise the Lord. Thank you Lord, thank you Lord. Thank you Lord." "Get this, I actually asked one of these Texan guys, OK, Dinosaurs fossils - how does that fit into you scheme of life? Let me sit down and strap in, get real nice and ready for this one. He said, "Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." I think God put you here to test my faith, Dude. You believe that? "uh huh." Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. f***in' with our heads? I have trouble sleeping with that knowledge. Some prankster God running around: "Hu hu ho. We will see who believes in me now, ha ha." [mimes God burying fossils] " I am a prankster God." "I am killing Me." "So, you die and go to see Saint Peter to get into the house of the lord and he asks you, ' So, did you believe in Dinosaurs?' and you of course reply, sure I do, there were fossils everywhere! and Peter presses a button sending you falling down, down, down.... to hell... all the while laughing at you saying, ' what are you a f***in idiot? dinosaur fossils? that was one of God's easiest tricks!" dude was a bad ass comedian... its even better to hear, look it up audio style... you can hear the file here... http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?j=...t&ref=03&loc=01 my favorite part..... Does that trouble anyone here? The idea that God.. might be.. f***in' with our heads? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Jay Mohr strikes me as a touch bitter and jealous. I agree with that. I'm not too fond of him though; I find him to be irritating and condescending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Lopez Ghost (old) Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 If you don't think God f***s with our heads, how do you explain Cub fans? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soxman352000 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 If you don't think God f***s with our heads, how do you explain Cub fans? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 Bill Hicks was most excellent. Lengthy tangent (sorry, and don’t read if you think Creationist bashing is not fair sport)… I have had numerous encounters in my life similar to the debate between Hicks and the Texan, but two of them have always stuck with me. A few years ago I was back visiting in Chicago with my wife and then toddler daughter. We were in line for the coal mine at the Sci and I Museum and right in front of us was a biblical literalist matriarch with a couple of new inductees to the cult. They were going back and forth about Bible stuff and whatnot and one of the newbies mentioned he had seen the "Sue" T-rex exhibit at Field and that he thought it was cool seeing old fossils like that. The queen fundamentalist quickly interceded and told him how the bones were actually just a few thousand years old and that dinos and humans had coexisted and the dinos were probably killed in the Great Flood etc. etc. The look of utter hopelessness on the guy’s face was priceless. He hadn’t yet considered that by drinking the fundamentalist purple kool-aide he had essentially agreed to a virtual lobotomy and had to toss out everything he thought he knew about the natural world if he was going to fit in with his new friends. I can only hope religion didn’t take and he got away while the getting was good. Also a couple years ago at a favorite restaurant there was another veteran Biblical literalist holding court with some new inductees. He was talking about how no living things died in the time from creation up until the Original Sin of Adam and his madame and that the phenomenon of physical death was only introduced with Original Sin. He also noted that all living things were created once and in total perfection (and we evolutionists be damned). It was an open forum so I asked him how he explained the existence of detritivores. "Huh?," he said. I again said what about detritivores – organisms specifically equipped to live off of dead organic matter – worms, scavenging insects, fungus, frigging bacteria. If in the beginning nothing died AND if there was no second round of creation of biota or evolution of non-detritivorous organisms into detritivores, then how did they survive the pre-death Genesis period and how could they reasonable be considered to be "perfectly designed" if they were created to subsist on a NON-EXISTENT food source?!? Undaunted, Mr. Literal hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and then deftly chalked it up to the caring hand of the Creator, who OBVIOUSLY must have provided some ready-made dead organic material for these creatures until man started a-sinnin’ and life started a-dyin’. I didn’t have the strength to go further, suggesting that this deck-stacking God apparently knew and expected that Man was bound to sin and set the organic death cycle in motion or he would not have bothered with the decay organisms. I just ate my lunch and listened to the rest of the discourse, amazed at the version of the world the guy was selling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hi8is Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 funny stories man i cant believe how some people think, myself included Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spiff Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I don't like anyone who acts like they know all the answers, whether they lean toward creationism or in the opposite direction. I don't know what I believe in, really, but I don't have a problem with people believing anything they want. And when anyone pretends like they have it all figured out, remember that something like 97% of the universe is "dark matter" and we have no idea what the hell it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 And when anyone pretends like they have it all figured out, remember that something like 97% of the universe is "dark matter" and we have no idea what the hell it is. Well said. Still, I assume there is a large contingent that figures dark matter, Higgs particles, and anti-matter are just more tests of faith thrown our way via Prankster God, as is the appearance of a 14 billion year old universe when the Bible clearly indicates it's just a few thousand years old. There is a difference between not having everything figured out down to the last detail (which is why scientists have not yet discovered/invented themselves out of their jobs and being just plain ignorant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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