Controlled Chaos Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 The Blame Game (edited) By Ben Ferenzi The Cubs, looking for someone to blame, broke all the mirrors in the clubhouse so as NOT to pick themselves. Zambrano did the honors and was overheard saying, "We always have someone or something to blame. Who is it this year? There has to be some bendajo who is responsible." The Cubbies were picked to win the World Series, but they couldn't even grab the wild card. Why? What caused the breakdown? Last year this team asked "Why Not Us?" They asked for the fans to believe in them. The fans did!!! In fact, they believed more than ever. So much that the tires on the bandwagon began to deflate. You can spot the virginal fans with their still creased jerseys and their stiff bill hats. They chatted on their phones and treated the confines like the worlds largest bar. They would start the wave and watch the crowd stand up and sit down, all while missing the action on the field. Actually, now that I think about it, they weren't all that different from the everyday cub fan, but their presence was felt nonetheless. The Cubs wanted people to think they could win, and when people did, they were chastised for having unreasonable expectations and placing undue pressure on the team. They were a distraction and directly responsible for the Cubs failures this season. The "bandwagon fan" may just be this years goat. Lets get a take from some of the players. Moises Alou, of the infamous Bartman incident, chose to not blame a fan for this years debacle. He proclaims his unclutch hitting is directly attributed to the media and fan frenzy over the watered down story known as Urinegate. Alou also blames Chip and Stoney for his lackluster performance. Moises was quoted as saying "These dam announcers hate us hitters. They only care about pitching and it made me go in a slump, somebody needs to care about me" Sounds like Moises needs some therapy...If he would just shut up and play he wouldn't have this sticky situation on his hands...or would he??? Sammy Sosa still has that hop when he watches one of his solo home runs leave the park. Asked about his infamous hop and the teams struggles this year, Sosa offered this statement "I love to hippity hop...I jump really high. I wish we win, but if I hit homerun, I do ok, so not my fault. Baseball been berry good to me and I have a lot of money. I’m happy" A corkless bat and a selfish player make a terrible combination, but don’t blame SamME. If the dam camera person would catch his chest pounding, finger kissing and sky pointing when he gets a base hit with runners on…then maybe he wouldn’t swing for the fences everytime. In a related topic, Commissioner Selig has produced a request from SamME depicting his lean towards the base hit celebration. Sosa’s request is to allow his assistant, Julian Martinez, to bring some water for a little face dunking after RBI base hits. No word from the league on whether they will approve the request. LaTroy Hawkins’ struggles were transparent. When questioned earlier in the year, LaTroy snapped that he can do anyone’s job, but everyone can’t do his. I sought out LaTroy to clarify if he indeed CAN DO his own job when I was met with his agent Larry Reynolds. Mr. Reynolds pointed out the fine print in LaTroy’s contract. It states “LaTroy Hawkins is not liable for saving one run games. If LaTroy is put in with runners on base totaling up to the amount needed to make it a one run game, he is also not liable. LaTroy is a set up man. If he is used as a closer, which is not recommended, he is to be used with a lead of 3 or more runs. Failure to do so is the responsibility of the manager. These stipulations are final and the failure to follow said stipulations may have disastrous results with no accountability applied to Mr. Hawkins.” I thanked Mr. Reynolds for his clarification. After seeing the fine print LaTroy certainly can not bear any responsibility for the teams decompostion. Some look to point the finger at Baker, who is no stranger to the blame game himself. Baker who always has something or someone to blame was asked: "What other factors, besides the media, the fans, the pressure, the umps, the stress, the schedule, the day games, the bias, the announcers, the wind and the goat contributed to the Cubs demise?" Since the question itself pretty much covered all avenues of blame, Baker had little left to contribute, but came up with one nugget. "Ya'll have been saying we have great pitching all year, and I agree we do, but the fact is, with the exception of Carlos, all of our pitchers are white. White boys can't handle the heat. We play a lot of day games here so for next year we gonna need more pitchers of color." Jim Hendry, who has tried everything to get this team going, has been scouting tanning salons all over town to see which place can cook Kerry Wood a nice shade of chocolate. Hendry insists he can win with these players. "If a little color is what Dusty wants then a little color is what he'll get." Hendry has made plenty of moves for players, however, as has been revealed numerous times this year, he still doesn't have a team. Well, unfortunately, I was not able to nail down the culprit responsible for the Cubs misfortune this season. I have scanned the entire organization from top to bottom. The players and management are absolved from all accountability. This is clearly an outside job. Last year was Bartman. This year it isn’t as specific, but you people know who you are. Cub fans can look on the bright side....the Cubs can be lovable losers again....The party is on. A satire written by me. 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DonkeyKongerko Posted October 1, 2004 Share Posted October 1, 2004 Top notch, why hasn't this been published? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Controlled Chaos Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Well one response is better than none!! Thanks Kongerko!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winning Ugly Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 You summed it up so well I thought you were a disgruntled Cubs fan. :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
israel4ever Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 The Blame Game (edited) By Ben Ferenzi The Cubs, looking for someone to blame, broke all the mirrors in the clubhouse so as NOT to pick themselves. Zambrano did the honors and was overheard saying, "We always have someone or something to blame. Who is it this year? There has to be some bendajo who is responsible." The Cubbies were picked to win the World Series, but they couldn't even grab the wild card. Why? What caused the breakdown? Last year this team asked "Why Not Us?" They asked for the fans to believe in them. The fans did!!! In fact, they believed more than ever. So much that the tires on the bandwagon began to deflate. You can spot the virginal fans with their still creased jerseys and their stiff bill hats. They chatted on their phones and treated the confines like the worlds largest bar. They would start the wave and watch the crowd stand up and sit down, all while missing the action on the field. Actually, now that I think about it, they weren't all that different from the everyday cub fan, but their presence was felt nonetheless. The Cubs wanted people to think they could win, and when people did, they were chastised for having unreasonable expectations and placing undue pressure on the team. They were a distraction and directly responsible for the Cubs failures this season. The "bandwagon fan" may just be this years goat. Lets get a take from some of the players. Moises Alou, of the infamous Bartman incident, chose to not blame a fan for this years debacle. He proclaims his unclutch hitting is directly attributed to the media and fan frenzy over the watered down story known as Urinegate. Alou also blames Chip and Stoney for his lackluster performance. Moises was quoted as saying "These dam announcers hate us hitters. They only care about pitching and it made me go in a slump, somebody needs to care about me" Sounds like Moises needs some therapy...If he would just shut up and play he wouldn't have this sticky situation on his hands...or would he??? Sammy Sosa still has that hop when he watches one of his solo home runs leave the park. Asked about his infamous hop and the teams struggles this year, Sosa offered this statement "I love to hippity hop...I jump really high. I wish we win, but if I hit homerun, I do ok, so not my fault. Baseball been berry good to me and I have a lot of money. I’m happy" A corkless bat and a selfish player make a terrible combination, but don’t blame SamME. If the dam camera person would catch his chest pounding, finger kissing and sky pointing when he gets a base hit with runners on…then maybe he wouldn’t swing for the fences everytime. In a related topic, Commissioner Selig has produced a request from SamME depicting his lean towards the base hit celebration. Sosa’s request is to allow his assistant, Julian Martinez, to bring some water for a little face dunking after RBI base hits. No word from the league on whether they will approve the request. LaTroy Hawkins’ struggles were transparent. When questioned earlier in the year, LaTroy snapped that he can do anyone’s job, but everyone can’t do his. I sought out LaTroy to clarify if he indeed CAN DO his own job when I was met with his agent Larry Reynolds. Mr. Reynolds pointed out the fine print in LaTroy’s contract. It states “LaTroy Hawkins is not liable for saving one run games. If LaTroy is put in with runners on base totaling up to the amount needed to make it a one run game, he is also not liable. LaTroy is a set up man. If he is used as a closer, which is not recommended, he is to be used with a lead of 3 or more runs. Failure to do so is the responsibility of the manager. These stipulations are final and the failure to follow said stipulations may have disastrous results with no accountability applied to Mr. Hawkins.” I thanked Mr. Reynolds for his clarification. After seeing the fine print LaTroy certainly can not bear any responsibility for the teams decompostion. Some look to point the finger at Baker, who is no stranger to the blame game himself. Baker who always has something or someone to blame was asked: "What other factors, besides the media, the fans, the pressure, the umps, the stress, the schedule, the day games, the bias, the announcers, the wind and the goat contributed to the Cubs demise?" Since the question itself pretty much covered all avenues of blame, Baker had little left to contribute, but came up with one nugget. "Ya'll have been saying we have great pitching all year, and I agree we do, but the fact is, with the exception of Carlos, all of our pitchers are white. White boys can't handle the heat. We play a lot of day games here so for next year we gonna need more pitchers of color." Jim Hendry, who has tried everything to get this team going, has been scouting tanning salons all over town to see which place can cook Kerry Wood a nice shade of chocolate. Hendry insists he can win with these players. "If a little color is what Dusty wants then a little color is what he'll get." Hendry has made plenty of moves for players, however, as has been revealed numerous times this year, he still doesn't have a team. Well, unfortunately, I was not able to nail down the culprit responsible for the Cubs misfortune this season. I have scanned the entire organization from top to bottom. The players and management are absolved from all accountability. This is clearly an outside job. Last year was Bartman. This year it isn’t as specific, but you people know who you are. Cub fans can look on the bright side....the Cubs can be lovable losers again....The party is on. A satire written by me. Nice work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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