Texsox Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 QUOTE(Gene Honda Civic @ Mar 10, 2005 -> 09:38 AM) March 10, 2005 -- ACTION hero Bruce Willis (above) got some action of a different kind after the screening of his new blood-and-guts flick, "Hostage." At an after-after-party at the Peninsula Hotel early yesterday, Willis, who turns 50 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, enjoyed a mutual gropefest. "At one point, Bruce had Lindsay's pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said 'La Bella Vista' (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek," says our spywitness. Eventually, Willis and a few friends, including Lohan, took the party upstairs to his suite. :headshake :puke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxy Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 We loooooooooooove baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad jokes. #1 -- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." #2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" #3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. #4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." #5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. #6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." #7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." #8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. #9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. #10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maggliopipe Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 do it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 I was thnking he may want to go back in time to when that haircut looked cool Mr. Peabody, set the wayback machine to, to, to, never! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DBAHO Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 QUOTE(Texsox @ Mar 11, 2005 -> 05:45 AM) I was thnking he may want to go back in time to when that haircut looked cool Mr. Peabody, set the wayback machine to, to, to, never! It's sort of the return of the mullet. Uh Oh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwerty Posted March 11, 2005 Share Posted March 11, 2005 Grant roberts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 11, 2005 Author Share Posted March 11, 2005 QUOTE(qwerty @ Mar 11, 2005 -> 02:31 AM) Grant roberts. He must be so proud Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gene Honda Civic Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 spam fun it is written in Isaiah the prophet, Behold, I send my messenger Nwely 19 tenes, so hot, tight, and ffsreh.. their pussies neevr banegd, virgins.. with big titttays and nice round tite aseeses you just want to eat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 http://www.big-boys.com/articles/judgenose.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DBAHO Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 Goldy, how come George Bush gets the pimpin suit, yet John Howard gets nothing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted March 12, 2005 Share Posted March 12, 2005 QUOTE(DBAH0 @ Mar 11, 2005 -> 11:19 PM) Goldy, how come George Bush gets the pimpin suit, yet John Howard gets nothing? gw's pimpier... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 13, 2005 Author Share Posted March 13, 2005 QUOTE(Goldmember @ Mar 11, 2005 -> 11:31 PM) gw's pimpier... He's pimperrific! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 QUOTE(Texsox @ Mar 13, 2005 -> 05:38 PM) He's pimperrific! pimptastic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Pimp The New and Improved Pimp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted March 14, 2005 Share Posted March 14, 2005 pimp daddy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 (edited) March 14, 2005 The Top 7 Differences Between Winners and Losers at Spring Training 7> Losers: Run out ground balls. Winners: Have their agents run out ground balls. 6> Winners: Hit line drives to all parts of the field. Losers: Hit by line drives while staring at passing airplanes. 5> Loser: Cheekful of chaw. Winner: Cheekful of syringe marks. 4> Winners: Extra hours of BP every day. Losers: Extra hours of "ER," "CSI" and "The OC" every day. 3> Winners: Must buy urine. Losers: Must sell urine. 2> Winner: Reminisces about glory days as Roger Clemens' teammate. Loser: Reminisces about glory days as Michael Jordan's teammate. and the Number 1 Difference Between Winners and Losers at Spring Training... 1> Winners: Get ass-injections from Jose Canseco. Losers: Same thing, but no steroids. [ Copyright 2005 by Chris White ] [ http://www.topfive.com ] I love the runner ups especially #1 Losers: Have baby bears on their uniforms. (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA) Winners: Mobbed by ardent fans after every game. Losers: Mobbed by defense attorneys after every game. (William Wickart, Hillsboro, OR) Winner: Girlfriend looks like Jessica Simpson. Loser: Girlfriend looks like Marge Simpson. (William Wickart, Hillsboro, OR) Winner: Grass stains on uniform. Loser: Gravy stains on uniform. (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA) Winners: Have three groupies each. Losers: Keep throwing hands in top shape. (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX) Winners: Swagger to first with confidence. Losers: Stumble to first from heat exhaustion. (Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY) Edited March 14, 2005 by Texsox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 14, 2005 Author Share Posted March 14, 2005 Everyone should have a copy of this in their wallet, purse, glovebox, and liquor cabinet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KipWellsFan Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Part of a conversation I just heard in my school's hallway from a guy telling a girl he's going to see The Game in concert tonight. Guy: I'm going to see the game tonight! Girl: What game? He should have picked a better name for himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 QUOTE(KipWellsFan @ Mar 15, 2005 -> 12:08 PM) Part of a conversation I just heard in my school's hallway from a guy telling a girl he's going to see The Game in concert tonight. Guy: I'm going to see the game tonight! Girl: What game? He should have picked a better name for himself. My favorite band name along these lines was No Cover Looked great on the marquee out front Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 QUOTE(Texsox @ Mar 15, 2005 -> 12:22 PM) My favorite band name along these lines was No Cover Looked great on the marquee out front Why do I feel like I am trapped in a bad Abbott and Costello imitation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YASNY Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 QUOTE(southsider2k5 @ Mar 15, 2005 -> 12:24 PM) Why do I feel like I am trapped in a bad Abbott and Costello imitation? Or The Three Stooges.... Dewey, Cheatum & Howe Attorneys at Law Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Let Our Requests Be Known By Donna Kay Heath Service had started, and the minister began his sermon in our small country church in southeastern North Carolina. Everyone's attention was on the intense words being delivered to us that would feed us for the week and enlighten us on God's word. Because our church was so small, there was no nursery. This gave me the privilege of having my active three-year-old daughter sit with her father and me. Along with being active, Tammie had a gift for words - that is, speaking them - and had not yet mastered the art of understanding that quietness was of the utmost importance in church, especially when the Sunday morning sermon was being delivered! After many admonishments to be quiet, Tammie's father picked her up to take her outside for a little conference. This was not the first time such an event had taken place, and she understood its significance. She also obviously understood the significance of prayer! For as her father picked her up and was walking down the aisle to carry her outside, Tammie reached over his shoulders with her arms outstretched to the congregation and the minister. She then proceeded to call out to all who would listen, "Ya'll pray for me!" Needless to say, it was a few minutes later before we could get back on track with the sermon. Guess it proves we are never too young to "let our requests be known"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxy Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 What the f*** is Signal Detection Theory and how is it different from Gaussian manifestation of it? And more importantly: Who the f*** cares? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwerty Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted March 17, 2005 Author Share Posted March 17, 2005 QUOTE(ChiSoxyGirl @ Mar 16, 2005 -> 10:03 PM) What the f*** is Signal Detection Theory and how is it different from Gaussian manifestation of it? And more importantly: Who the f*** cares? The reason you are having trouble understanding Signal Detection Theory is you have the name wrong. It is Signal Theory Detection (STD). The theory states that every human tosses out signals that they are ready to mate. Unfortunately the nasty ass hoes (male and female) have the strongest signals, and the highest instances of nasty diseases. Those ready to settle down into long lasting relationships also possess a strong signal. All is all remember STD=NoWay Gaussian or the modern English spelling Gassian, is the process in which males utilize their biochemical methane generator to chase away females with high STD. Who the f*** cares? Drunks, skanky ass hoes (male and female) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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