Thank You

[mreye]

I don't normally do this, but I got this e-mail and though it was clever.

 

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send

Me your chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me Feel

safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these

products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.  I

no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the

rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be

Pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a

Water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a

perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually

Al Qaeda in disguise.

 

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our

American troops.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

Stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls

to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

 

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain

will turn me gay.

 

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible

mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

 

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys

and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

 

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive

my free replacement pair from Nike.

 

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have

their recipe.

 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

out for me and St Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

 

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I

forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.  (Jeeze, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is

about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in

their special e-mail program.

 

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

 

I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least

1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will

crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a

thousand camels will infest your armpits.

 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a

friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Edited January 14, 2005 by mreye

[SnB]

quality :

[Kalapse]

Wow, that is, wow.

[Goldmember]