LowerCaseRepublican Posted January 20, 2005 Author Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(southsider2k5 @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 06:14 PM) So what's wrong with being "just a cheeseburger"? I can't believe the amount of hate you have in you heart. :headshake I cannot stop laughing at that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Jan 18, 2005 -> 09:24 PM) Where did the rest of Grimace's other arms go?!? Remember the firsdt McNuggets? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Kickass Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Weren't they a rock band or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(LowerCaseRepublican @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 06:37 PM) I cannot stop laughing at that... Me neither Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rex Kickass Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Sad news from the McDonaldland P.D. Big Mac, the founding chief of the McDonaldland P.D. passed away earlier this week after fighting a long, valiant battle with Bovine Spongioform Encephaly (Commonly known as Mad Cow Disease). The legendary Mac spent most of the last ten years in an Old Burger's home near his alma mater of Hamburger University. His later years in public life were sadly marred by poor PR stunts including a hip-hop health and fitness video in which he insisted on being referred to as "Mc D L T." He often looked haggard as well, as the ravages of his disease began to take its toll. Apparently, BSE is somewhat common towards Big Macs, according to the McDonaldland General Hospital spokesman, Dr. Caesar Salad McShaker. "Sometimes the meat goes a little bad, and that special sauce can make for a deadly combination," McShaker said. Mac will be buried Friday at Hamburger Hill cemetery, in full view of the playland he patrolled and loved every day. Big Mac, R.I.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 This thread is the dumbest goddamn thing I've read in a looooong time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Oh Jeez, I just had a long-lost memory come screaming back. I completely forgot that there was a Captain Crook pirate guy prancing around McDonaldland too. I remember his deal was looking for and hoardimg a treasure of golden flakey apple and cherry pies (from back when they were fried and not baked and the insides were molten hot and could calderize your mouth...). There sure were a bunch of marginal societal elements back in McDonaldland back in the day. Here he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Gleason Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(LowerCaseRepublican @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 06:11 PM) Correct. He was just a cheeseburger since he doesn't seem to have the toppings to be a Quarter Pounder. I am so ashamed. A Quarter Pounder has the exact same toppings as a cheese burger. The only difference is that the onions are larger (and not dehydrated) and the burger itself is a *1/4 lbs. Sorry to know this. QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 08:07 PM) Oh Jeez, I just had a long-lost memory come screaming back. I completely forgot that there was a Captain Crook pirate guy prancing around McDonaldland too. I remember his deal was looking for and hoardimg a treasure of golden flakey apple and cherry pies (from back when they were fried and not baked and the insides were molten hot and could calderize your mouth...). Wow, I also had forgotten about him! I still miss those apple and cherry pies though. I bought one once, left it in my jacket for hours, and the filling was still hot!!! I am sure they were some nuclear waste byproduct. But man, they were tasty! * this is BEFORE cooking, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AddisonStSox Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 First off...LowercaseRepublican has just become one of my favorite posters here at Soxtalk. Sir, you are an inspiration to us all. You can't imagine how many times my friends and I have had discussions like this. Second, this thread needs some sort of public recognition. If this isn't a candidate for thread of the year, I don't know what is. My thoughts... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The problem with incarcerating the Hamburglar is this: he can post bail and be on the streets by noon. Do you think the hamburger crime world stops at the Hamburglar? Oh no. Oh no my friends, it does not. There is an entire underground crime syndicate that the McDonald people don't want you to know about. As you read this, the Hamburglar has crime camps around the world working on recruiting thieves and promoting all things thievery. My proposition: all out warfare on the hamburger theft scene! I believe this type of initiative needs strength at its foundation...this is where Ronald himself comes in. Until Ronald gets off his ass and decides to participate in an attempt to suppress burger theft, nothing will get accomplished. Ronald is the type of big-name to spearhead this operation. Second, goons...goons for hire. You know exactly who I'm talking about. Grimace. Although presently hamburger theft is at an all time high (burger theft up 600% from 2003), help is on the way. Viva La Resistance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 (edited) The problem with incarcerating the Hambugerlar is this: he can post bail and be on the streets by noon. Do you think the hamburger crime world stops at the Hambugerlar? Oh no. Oh no my friends, it does not. There is an entire underground crime syndicate that the McDonald people don't want you to know about. As you read this, the Hamburglar has crime camps around the world working on recruiting thieves and promoting all things thievery. My proposition: all out warfare on the hamburger theft scene! I believe this type of initiative needs strength at its foundation...this is where Ronald himself comes in. Until Ronald gets off his ass and decides to participate in an attempt to suppress burger theft, nothing will get accomplished. Ronald is the type of big-name to spearhead this operation. Second, goons...goons for hire. You know exactly who I'm talking about. Grimace. Although presently hamburger theft is at an all time high (burger theft up 600% from 2003), help is on the way. The problem is that we're only addressing the symptoms and not the cause of the problem. Hamburglers are not born, they are made. Well before they are full-fledged Hamburglers they are clearly showing signs of being hardcore Hamborrowers. Kind of like this guy... The cycle of illicit burgermongering has to be broken, but you have to get to them before they go completely bad. Edited January 20, 2005 by FlaSoxxJim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AddisonStSox Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 09:13 PM) The problem is that we're only addressing the symptoms and not the cause of the problem. Hamburglers are not born, they are made. Well before they are full-fledged Hamburglers they are clearly showing signs of being hardcore Hamborrowers. Kind of like this guy... The cycle of illicit burgermongering has to be broken, but you have to get to them before they go completely bad. Hamborrowers... ...Hamborrowers... ......Hamborrowers... Oh my god, Fla you have me rolling on the floor. I never laugh this loud at the computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 And in related news... McDonalds Discontinuing Character By the Onion Bowing to outcry from consumers and parents groups, the McDonald's Corporation announced Monday that it is discontinuing its new advertising mascot, "The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches. Developed by Chicago advertising agency DDB Needham, the Hammurderer made his debut two months ago and has since appeared in a series of Saturday-morning television commercials, as well as on Happy Meal bags and activity placemats. All appearances by and references to the violent, ill-tempered prison escapee will be dropped. "Over the years, McDonald's has successfully introduced a number of new characters whose defining characteristic is a certain measure of comical, criminal intent," said Andrew Perlich, McDonald's vice-president of promotions. "Such shady characters as The Hamburglar, The Goblins, and the bloodthirsty pirate Captain Crook have all fit nicely into the McDonald's advertising universe. We had every reason to believe that the Hammurderer, with his long rap sheet of burger-related crimes and his signature cry of 'Stabble Stabble Stabble,' would take his place in this proud lineage of McDonaldland mischief-makers." The Hammurderer's Jan. 11 debut ad—in which he seizes and devours the McDonald's Happy Meal Guys, oblivious to their frantic screams—earned poor marks from parents and child-development experts, who feared the spot might send the message to children that killing is acceptable. Several weeks later, more controversy erupted over the promotional coloring book "Shivved In The McRibs," in which the Hammurderer decapitates Mayor McCheese and eats his head. Responding to widespread public outrage, McDonald's executives defended the coloring book as "not nearly as violent or socially irresponsible as it has been made out to be, given that the Mayor's head is, in fact, a giant and conceivably edible cheeseburger." But the uproar over the latest commercial, in which Birdie The Early Bird is garroted by the Hammurderer and her body tossed in a Dumpster, was vociferous enough to prompt the fast-food giant to pull the plug. "We are sensitive to the concerns of parents and will immediately begin phasing out this character," Perlich said. "Whether we will remove him from commercials without explanation or write him out of the spots with a bloody police standoff, we have yet to decide. But we're confident the Hammurderer will be off the national radar by April." Hammurderer toys and promotional items, which include dolls, T-shirts, ski masks, and spiked bats, have been recalled and are expected to become prized collectibles. This is not the first time a McDonald's character has stirred controversy for its violent nature. In 1982, the company introduced "Shakes McJunkie," an emaciated addict who robbed characters of their possessions, which he then sold to buy McDonald's shakes. He was later reworked as "The Machead," a homeless, wild-eyed Big Mac addict who turned to panhandling and gay prostitution as a means of supporting his severe burger habit. The Hammurderer is quickly becoming regarded as the worst-received advertising mascot since Kool-Aid's 1989 discontinuation of "The Grapist," a huge purple monster who sodomizes thirsty children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBlackSox8 Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 my first reply to this thread.... :banghead :headshake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LowerCaseRepublican Posted January 20, 2005 Author Share Posted January 20, 2005 Addison & Flaax -- I am crying from laughing so hard. I'm convinced that McDonaldland is a fundamentalist Islamic state -- Captain Crook gets executed for his crimes. Evil Grimace loses 2 arms for stealing. Unfortunately for the fundamentalists there, the Hamburglar is too popular to be punished like that one woman who was profiled on Oprah -- she was to be stoned under Sharia Islamic law for committing adultery but the press she got saved her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBlackSox8 Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(LowerCaseRepublican @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 10:46 PM) Addison & Flaax -- I am crying from laughing so hard. I'm convinced that McDonaldland is a fundamentalist Islamic state -- Captain Crook gets executed for his crimes. Evil Grimace loses 2 arms for stealing. Unfortunately for the fundamentalists there, the Hamburglar is too popular to be punished like that one woman who was profiled on Oprah -- she was to be stoned under Sharia Islamic law for committing adultery but the press she got saved her. what about Ronald...? What's Ronald's role in all of this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 The original Ronald McDonald looked nothing like today's cholesterol clown we all know. He was created and played by former Today Show weatherman Willard Scott. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBlackSox8 Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(knightni @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 11:24 PM) The original Ronald McDonald looked nothing like today's cholesterol clown we all know. He was created and played by former Today Show weatherman Willard Scott. is that a meal on his head and a cup on his nose?? I know I'm going to have nightmares of that image...my god that freaks me out LMFAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Grimace Ate My Balls Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBlackSox8 Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(knightni @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 11:30 PM) Grimace Ate My Balls the person that made that site is more disturbing than any of the characters that McDonald's can come up with... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chisoxfn Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(Spiff @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 08:40 AM) The Hamburglar is McDonald's very own crackhead. Arrest him for petty burger theft and he'll just be back on the street tomorrow doing it all over again. McCheese knows it's a lost cause, but what he should really be worried about is the Hamburglar going cannibal and eating the mayor himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chisoxfn Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Holy cripes...this may just be co-thread of the year. I was laughing my ass of f through the entire thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(knightni @ Jan 20, 2005 -> 12:30 AM) Grimace Ate My Balls A an out there site to be sure, but reminded me of yet another suppressed McDonald's memory. A few years ago, McDonald's hired cartoon geniuses Klasky-Csupo (Rugrats, Thornberrys, Rocket Power, Aarghh! Real Monsters plus the brilliant and underappreciated Duckman, Santo Bugito, and Stressed Eric - not to mention the original producers of theh Simpsons) to do a series of full length cartoon video adventures. After ears of sanitizing and white-breadifying the creepy, sinister McDonaldland, the company decided to kind of creep it out again, at least visually: Sadly, everyone is very Rugratty in these videos, Grimace is still short two arms (but ball-free as far as I can tell), and Hamburgler looks like he's 10 years old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 09:13 PM) The problem is that we're only addressing the symptoms and not the cause of the problem. Hamburglers are not born, they are made. Well before they are full-fledged Hamburglers they are clearly showing signs of being hardcore Hamborrowers. Kind of like this guy... The cycle of illicit burgermongering has to be broken, but you have to get to them before they go completely bad. I showed this to Wimpy's lawyer, H.M. McRib, and he asked me to print his response: "I am personally furious that you would refer to my client Wimpy as an example of burgermongering, when he has CLEARLY stated on many, MANY occasions that he would GLADLY pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today! If anything, my client's plight shows a desperate need for a reform of the Burger Welfare system in this country. When an honest taxpayer cannot afford the burger of his choosing at the time of his choosing, then most certainly the terrorists have won! But to insinuate that an honest, law-abiding citizen's attempts to garner a "burger loan", for lack of a better term, is somehow breaking the law????.......how dare you, sir......how DARE you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 This thread is fueling alchohol flashbacks or radio promotions twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesoniononasesameseedbun twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucechee Wow! You won $600! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 QUOTE(knightni @ Jan 19, 2005 -> 11:30 PM) Grimace Ate My Balls LMFAO! ALL HAIL GRIMACE!!! : Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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