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Minor League Recap


MurcieOne

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If our columnists are open to a few very well intended comments:

 

"After Porzio departed, the no-hitter remained intact until the seventh inning, when Matt Ginter was singled off of."

 

Ouch, ending a sentence with a preposition.  "After Porzio departed, the no-hitter remained intact until the seventh inning, when a Tide player singled off of Matt Ginter."

 

"Edwin Almonte entered the game in the ninth inning, with a 2-0 lead and looking for his third save. After a scoreless inning, in which he struck out the side, he earned that save. After everything was said and done, Knights pitching had combined to throw a two-hitter, and strikeout eight Norfolk batters."

 

Two sentences beginning with the same word - stylistically could be improved.  And wrong tense for the last sentence verb.  The second "[A]fter..." leads into a cliche anyway.    "After a scoreless inning, in which he struck out the side, he earned that save. All together, Knights pitching combined to throw a two-hitter, and strikeout eight Norfolk batters." 

 

 

Comments made not because I am a hot shot writer (I am not) but offered constructively because I do know something about writing for publication.

Well I wrote that cwsox, and I like any of our writers are open to any criticism, as long as it's intended to help us improve.

 

all is ask of you is to e-mail me with the corrections.

 

Also please try to remember I am still in Highschool, and am still learning the tricks of the trade.

 

-Mark

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Murcielago, it was a very good article and I appreciated it because it keeps me informed of things I wouldn't have known otherwise.  Trust me, I wouldn't offer any suggestions if I didn't see real talent there.  I am going to delete my post and if I have anything else to say will do it by email as you suggest except that I do not have your email address.  I tried sending this through the soxtalk.com site and it didn't seem to take.

 

Hope this reaches you.  Let me know when you read this and I will delete this too.

 

Mark, yes I know you are in high school and I am just making suggestions that I would offer any friend who has talent.  Let's say that I am well past high school age and whenever I write anything I have people edit it for me because the author does not always see things as the reader does.  I have learned some great things by being edited.

 

I do not mean to offend.  Just want you to be the best that you can be.  As I say, I always seek editing help myself.  I tried to explain why I suggested what I did not to be critical but to be helpful.

 

I think you are a great guy and please understand that I was just trying to be helpful to someone who has talent and is developing it, kind of like a coach does to a player on a team. 

 

If I pissed you off, advise me and I will shut up.

Vince, I am in no way offended or pissed about your corrections. If Anything I am greatful that you'd take time out of your day in an attempt to make me a better writer.

 

My e-mail is [email protected].

 

Please feel free anytime to e-mail me and explain to me what I'm doing wrong.

 

Thanks Mark J

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Mark I emailed you saying yes of course and also that way giving you my email address -  any time, whatever I can do - I will take the time always for a friend -  if you didn't get the email let me know

Thanks alot Vince.

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