Stella Awards

[Steff]

It's time once again to view the winners of the 2003 Stella Awards.

 

 

The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck

 

who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds.

 

That case inspired the Stella Awards

 

for the most uniquely successful lawsuits in the United States for the year.

 

Actually, joint awards should be given to the plaintiff attorneys

 

and the flaming idiots on the juries who awarded

 

anything at all to these morons--who deserved NOTHING!!!!

 

 

 

The following are this year's winners:

 

 

 

HONORABLE MENTION:

 

A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses

 

when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.

 

Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone

 

at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

 

 

HONORABLE MENTION:

 

Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses

 

after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle.

 

The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.

 

The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog

 

might have been just a little provoked at the time

 

by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

 

 

 

 

FIFTH PLACE:

 

A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania,

 

$113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx! (tailbone).

 

The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it

 

at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

 

 

 

 

FOURTH PLACE:

 

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club

 

in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window

 

to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.

 

This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window

 

in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.

 

She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

 

 

 

 

THIRD PLACE:

 

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers

 

after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler

 

who was running inside a furniture store.

 

The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict,

 

considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

 

 

 

 

SECOND PLACE:

 

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house

 

he had just finished robbing by way of the garage.

 

He was not able to get the garage door to go up

 

since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.

 

He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage

 

locked when he pulled it shut.

 

The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked

 

in the garage for eight days.

 

He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.

 

He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish.

 

The jury agreed, to the tune of $500,000.

 

 

 

 

GRAND PRIZE WINNER:

 

This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

 

Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.

 

On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway,

 

he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat

 

to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee.

 

Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.

 

Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him

 

in the owner's manual that he couldn't actually do this.

 

The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home.

 

The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit,

 

just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreational vehicles!

[mreye]

Urban Legend

 

Funny stuff, though. It shows how greedy lawyers and the general population can be becuase they're actually believabe.

[mreye]

Here's a real one:

 

THE CASE OF THE BENI-HA-HA CHEF

 

  Jerry Colaitis is dead. The Long Island, N.Y., fur dealer died in

November 2001 at age 47 from complications after surgery, but his family

has a fairly interesting theory on what actually caused his death.

 

  In January 2001, Colaitis and his family went to one of the Benihana

Japanese restaurant chain's outlets for dinner. Benihana is known for its

table-side chefs who entertain diners with acrobatic knife tricks. "The

chef who was assigned to their table starts tossing food," says attorney

Andre Ferenzo. After flipping a couple of shrimp, the family "feared for

their safety" and asked him to stop. But the chef flipped a third shrimp

toward Colaitis, who ducked, the family says.

 

  That sudden ducking motion caused Colaitis, who "was in the prime of

his life" and in "fine physical condition," to hurt his neck, the family

contends. Doctors said he needed surgery; after two operations, Colaitis

died from an infection.

 

  "It is literally undisputed that he required surgery as a result of

the incident," Ferenzo says. "They set in motion a sequence of events."

Thus, he filed suit against Benihana in Nassau County Supreme Court

charging wrongful death. The suit begs for $10 million in damages, which

also covers pain and suffering, and loss of consortium for widow

Jacqueline Colaitis. A local newspaper has dubbed it "The flying shrimp

of death suit."

 

  Yes, well, that's not what the defendants say. They contend that

Colaitis hurt himself when he tried to catch the shrimp in his mouth.

Defense attorney Andrew B. Kaufman moved for summary judgment, arguing

that "as the plaintiff's decedent died of an unidentifiable medical

condition, the plaintiff will be unable to establish that any alleged

negligence by Benihana proximately caused his demise." In November 2004

the court struck down the motion, ruling that the case must be decided by

a jury.

[mreye]

And this:

 

CLICK-IT or TICKET

 

  Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill., says William Humphrey was driving

too fast and, perhaps, she should know: she was a passenger is his car.

When they got to a construction zone, Humphrey lost control and flipped

the car. Ubaudi was thrown from the vehicle and, her attorney J. Michael

Weilmuenster says, sustained severe and life-threatening injuries.

 

  Ubaudi has sued Humphrey, asking for "at least $50,000" in damages.

Surely if he was driving too fast for road conditions -- such as in a

construction zone -- and caused an accident, he should be liable. And

indeed, that wouldn't make news in the True Stella Awards. But Ubaudi's

attorney didn't want to stop there: not if there were some potentially

deep pockets to pick.

 

  The lawsuit, filed in Madison County Circuit Court, thus also names

Rowe Construction for "at least $50,000", because it was under state

contract to do the construction work on the roadway. Ubaudi claims the

company "failed to provide proper and reasonably safe traffic control

devices for road construction, failed to properly maintain the public

highway in a safe and navigable condition during the road project and

failed to provide guardrails or railings during the construction

project."

 

  OK, maybe that's plausible. But that's still not a deep enough pocket.

So Ubaudi has also named Mazda Motors, the manufacturer of Humphrey's

car, a Miata. And what, pray tell, did they do wrong? She claims the

company "failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper use

of a seatbelt."

 

  One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her swear in court that she has never

before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she's

too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt. Meanwhile, her suit

demands "in excess of $150,000" from the automaker, setting their

liability at more than three times what the thinks the driver should be

on the hook for.

[mreye]

Aw hell, here's the link:

 

http://www.stellaawards.com/sample.html

[Brian]

And we wonder how O.J. got off

[Texsox]

All these are false. They are Urban Legends, passed on and on.

 

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

 

Origins: This "and you wonder what's wrong with the world today?" whinge appeared on the Internet in May 2001. All of the entries in the list are fabrications: a search for news stories about each of these cases failed to turn up anything, as did a search for each law case.

 

The earliest version concluded with a seventh item that has since been snipped away, likely after someone noticed it was the venerable microwaved poodle legend. Its inclusion would have immediately called into question the truthfulness of the other six cases for any number of folks familiar with urban legends. The remaining six were still false, but they weren't as obviously false as the following poodle tale and thus wouldn't have set the alarm bells ringing:

[Steff]

All these are false. They are Urban Legends, passed on and on.

 

http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

 

 

 

No way...?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LosMediasBlancas]

I love litigation, it's the American way.

[southsider2k5]

Well since these are all fake, I would have to nominate the old lady who sued the kids who left her cookies instead of going to a drinking party...

[mreye]

Well since these are all fake, I would have to nominate the old lady who sued the kids who left her cookies instead of going to a drinking party...

She was on Fox News today. She looked like you would probably imagine.

[Texsox]

She was on Fox News today. She looked like you would probably imagine.

 

Were you unable to eat after seeing her? Did you have nightmares? Maybe you could sue her

[AngelasDaddy0427]

Those are all so obviously fake.

I love the part about the Beagle biting the guy on his butt. They are such small dogs the guy would have to be a midget for the think of have actually bit him.

[mreye]

Were you unable to eat after seeing her? Did you have nightmares? Maybe you could sue her 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm