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Best Movie Lines


Texsox

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I forgot my favorite scene...

 

"I said across her nose not up it!"

"Sorry sir, I'm doing my best."

"Who made that man a gunner?"

"I did sir, he's my cousin."

"Who is that?"

"He's an asshole sir."

"I know that. What's his name?"

"That is his name sir. Asshole. Major Asshole."

"And his cousin?"

"He's an asshole too sir. Gunner's mate, first-class phillip asshole"

"How many assholes do we have on this ship?"

*everyone stands up* "yo!"

"I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes"

"Keep firing assholes!"

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"They brought their f***in' TOYS with 'em!!!!!"

"Better they play with toys than with themselves..."

"They're too STUPID to play with themselves!!!"

 

"Old time hockey?"

"PISS on old time hockey!"

"Eddie Shore?"

"PISS on Eddie Shore!!!"

 

"Hey, Hanrahan....Suzanne sucks pussy!!!"

"She's a dyke, I know, I KNOW!!!"

 

:headbang

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"She was fifteen years old, going on thirty-five, Doc, and she told me she was eighteen, she was very willing, I practically had to take to sewing my pants shut. Between you and me, uh, she might have been fifteen, but when you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you, I don't think it's crazy at all and I don't think you do either. No man alive could resist that, and that's why I got into jail to begin with. "

 

R.P. McMurphy-One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest

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Annie Savoy: I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball -- now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

 

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!

Crash Davis: He did know.

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: How?

Crash Davis: I told him.

 

Crash Davis: You just got lesson number one. Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club.

 

Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

 

Skip: You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!

Larry: Lollygaggers!

Skip: Lollygaggers

 

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Ooh, I've heard of stuff like this.

Annie Savoy: Yeah? Have you heard of Walt Whitman?

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: No. Who's he play for?

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QUOTE(OfficerKarkovice @ Mar 16, 2005 -> 04:31 PM)
"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

 

-- Russell Crowe from Gladiator

 

:headbang :headbang :headbang

 

 

At my signal, unleash hell.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

 

----------------------------------------

 

The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?

You would fight me?

Why not? Do you think I am afraid?

I think you've been afraid all your life.

 

---------------------------------------

 

Those giraffes you sold me, they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer giraffes. I want my money back.

 

---------------------------------------

 

I am Proximo! I shall be closer to you for the next few days, which will be the last of your miserable lives, than that b**** of a mother who first brought you screaming into this world! I did not pay good money for your company. I paid it so that I might profit from your death. And just as your mother was there at your beginning, I shall be there at your end. And when you die - and die you shall - your transition will be to the sound of... [Proximo begins clapping]

 

--------------------------------------

 

In the end, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, or when. But what we can choose is how we decide to meet that end, so we are remembered forever as men.

 

-------------------------------------

 

Fear and wonder, a powerful combination.

You really think people are going to be seduced by that?

I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it's the sand of the coliseum. He'll bring them death - and they will love him for it.

Edited by Goldmember
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Jay: I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this f***ing face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this f***ing face. I make that s*** work. It does whatever the f*** I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little f*** none of you little f***s out there. I AM THE C.L.I.T. COMMANDER! Remember that, commander of all C.L.I.T.s! When it comes down to business, this is what I do. I pinch it like this. OOH you little f***. Then I rub my nose with it.

 

---------------------

 

Holden: If the buzz is any indicator, that movie's gonna make some huge bank.

 

Jay: What buzz?

 

Holden: The Internet buzz.

 

Jay: What the f*** is the Internet?

 

---------------------

 

Jay: Do they say who's f***in' playing us in the movie?

 

Holden: No, but it's Miramax. So I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put those guys in a bunch of movies.

 

Jay: Who?

 

Holden: You know, those kids from Good Will Hunting?

 

Jay: You mean that f***in' movie with Mork from Ork in it?

 

Holden: Yeah, I wasn't a big fan either... but Affleck was the bomb in "Phantoms".

 

Jay: Word, b****, Phantoms like a mothaf***er.

 

---------------------

 

Jay: [singing] f***, f***, f***, / Mother, mother f***, / Mother, mother f***, f*** / Mother f***, mother f***, / Noich noich noich, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noich, noich noich / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin'...

 

Teen #2: Uh, let me get a nickel bag.

 

Jay: [singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that s*** in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?

 

-------------------

 

Chaka's Production Assistant: Here's your coffee sir.

 

Chaka: Did you spit in it?

 

Chaka's Production Assistant: I didn't spit in it sir.

 

Chaka: Any boogers in it?

 

Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.

 

Chaka: You went to film school didn't you? Must piss you off to see a black man

runnin' a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a n**** his coffee? Must kill him, doesn't it!

 

Chaka's Production Assistant: There's no boogers in it sir.

 

Chaka: Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know it's in there!

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QUOTE(The Critic @ Mar 16, 2005 -> 02:19 PM)
"They brought their f***in' TOYS with 'em!!!!!"

"Better they play with toys than with themselves..."

"They're too STUPID to play with themselves!!!"

 

"Old time hockey?"

"PISS on old time hockey!"

"Eddie Shore?"

"PISS on Eddie Shore!!!"

 

"Hey, Hanrahan....Suzanne sucks pussy!!!"

"She's a dyke, I know, I KNOW!!!"

 

:headbang

 

My favorite movie of all time!!! :cheers

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"There was a FIREFIGHT!!!"

 

Sgt. Major Dickerson: [Pointing to his rank insignia] What does three up and three down mean to you, airman?

Adrian Cronauer: End of an inning?

 

No, I'm not okay! Do I look okay? The f***er shot me! What the f***-ass f*** of a bum-f*** s***hole town is this? I make a business call. I give him my card. And the hick-ass f***er shoots my foot off! Cock-f***ing s***!

 

I play hockey and I fornicate, 'cause those are the two most fun things to do in cold weather.

 

C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like we're going into Wisconsin.

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There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.

 

What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

 

Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bulls*** is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMb****?

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QUOTE(Goldmember @ Mar 16, 2005 -> 07:26 PM)
:headbang  :headbang  :headbang

At my signal, unleash hell.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

 

----------------------------------------

 

The general who became a slave. The slave who became a gladiator. The gladiator who defied an emperor. Striking story! But now, the people want to know how the story ends. Only a famous death will do. And what could be more glorious than to challenge the Emperor himself in the great arena?

You would fight me?

Why not? Do you think I am afraid?

I think you've been afraid all your life.

 

---------------------------------------

 

Those giraffes you sold me, they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer giraffes. I want my money back.

 

---------------------------------------

 

I am Proximo! I shall be closer to you for the next few days, which will be the last of your miserable lives, than that b**** of a mother who first brought you screaming into this world! I did not pay good money for your company. I paid it so that I might profit from your death. And just as your mother was there at your beginning, I shall be there at your end. And when you die - and die you shall - your transition will be to the sound of... [Proximo begins clapping]

 

--------------------------------------

 

In the end, we're all dead men. Sadly, we cannot choose how, or when. But what we can choose is how we decide to meet that end, so we are remembered forever as men.

 

-------------------------------------

 

Fear and wonder, a powerful combination.

You really think people are going to be seduced by that?

I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they'll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they'll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it's the sand of the coliseum. He'll bring them death - and they will love him for it.

 

Proximo had some great quotes in this movie...awesome movie...nice addition! :cheers

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QUOTE(Spiff @ Mar 17, 2005 -> 08:59 AM)
"...and I said yessir, I understand, but if I drop this f***in' TV you got me for destruction of property."

 

Wow, that's an obscure one. :D

 

"Andy crawled to freedom through five-hundred yards of s*** smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want too. Five-Hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile."

 

"I hope I can make it across the border... I hope to see my friend and shake his hand... I hope the pacific is a blue as it has been in my dreams... I hope..."

 

 

 

"I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!"

"No, you'll shoot your eye out."

 

"Oooh fuuudge!"

 

"They traded Bullfrog!"

 

 

"Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down a run and you've got the chance to be the hero on national television... if you don't blow it. Saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?"

[Rexman pops the ball straight up]

"Uh-oh, Rexie, I don't think this one's got the distance."

 

"Forget about the curve ball Ricky, give him the heater."

 

"You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"

 

 

 

"You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds!"

 

"You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper."

 

"They melvined me"

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"NOW!!! GET UP AND FIGHT LIKE APES!!!"

Galen, Battle For The Planet Of The Apes

 

""Take your stinkin' paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

Taylor, Planet Of The Apes

 

"The only good human is a dead human!"

General Ursus, Beneath The Planet Of The Apes

Edited by Kid Gleason
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