Kids say the darndest things..

[Steff]

A few snippits from some girlfriends of mine with kids and some of the classics that have come out of their mouths..

 

 

-When my husband was remodeling our bathroom, he allowed our three year old daughter to "help". He gave her a teeny screwdriver and small block of wood and she would sit with him for hours while he worked. One evening the tile installer arrived to look at the work and my daughter comes running to the door and says, "My daddy and me are screwing in the bathroom." He looked shocked, I wanted to crawl under the rug~!

 

-About a month ago the same daughter was arguing about having her hair blown dry. She has this frizzy, wavy hair and the only way to contain it is to spritz it with water and use a blow dryer to smooth it. Anyway, we were running late and I told her, "Lets just get out the blow dryer and do a real fast job on it today." Then I drove her to kindergarten. As we are getting out of the car, one of the other mothers says to my daughter, "Why Sophie, don't you look pretty today!" to which my daughter says, "Yeah, we did a quick blow job today." I started laughing. I couldn't help it. I explained to the other mother what she meant but I could tell she didn't think it was nearly as funny as I did.

 

-Me and my close friend at the mall with her 2 year old in the bathroom. There are about 10 stalls in the bathroom-most are occupied. We go to the bathroom-me, one stall, her and her 2 year old in the another. I'm doing my business, and she is putting her 2 year old on the potty (btw, she is in the middle of being potty-trained). The two year old gets done and my friend praises her "You're such a good girl!!!" So, my friend gets on the potty and does her stuff. Next thing I hear is her little girl saying "Mommy, you're such a good girl!! You went on the potty!!" And of course, it was loud and her voice carried b/c of how bathrooms are constructed. You could hear the women in the other stalls laughing and snickering, including myself. She came out of the stall, beet red!! I was laughing so hard!!!

 

-...sitting in the car with my S.O. and his kids. His 9-year-old daughter is expressing her hope that we can buy a swimming pool... not a BUILT-IN pool, because she knows our finances are not the best... "Well, could we maybe buy one of those dildo pools, then?" We assured her that we'd try to buy a DOUGHBOY pool...

 

-My son is taking karate. He told me after he learns this karate, he wants to learn the "other one"

I said "what other one?"

He said.. you know "Tofu?"

 

-I was sitting in chuch during a Lenten worship service with my 3-year-old DD. She had gone to Sunday School for about a year but still didn't quite have the story straight. My pastor was praying and she said something like "God, we thank you for the gift of your son, Jesus Christ, who died for our sins.

 

Into the utter quiet of our sanctuary, my 3-year-olds voice boomed out as she pulled on my sleeve and said " Oh my God, Jesus is dead???" The congregation tried to hide their laughter because the poor pastor was trying to pray for all of us. But the choir up front just lost it one by one. The pastor glanced out of the corner of her eye at the choir and then she lost it.

 

Finally, she burst out laughing herself, told my DD very gently that Jesus was in Heaven, composed herself and started the prayer again!

 

- I was doing a sexual abuse prevention program in a second grade class which was being filmed by a crew from CNN to air as a special feature. They had the teacher, guidence counselor, the CNN Producer, Art Harris-the corrispondant, the camera guy and the sound guy all cramed into this classroom!

 

I talked about safe and unsafe touches and when I got to the part about innappropriate sexual touch by an adult I called it "Secret touching." All of a sudden this little boy put his hand up---normally I would not call on the kid because it would be time for the "safety rules---NO-Go-Tell!" Well, because the camera was rolling I felt I had to call on the kid---

When I did---the kid giggles, blushed, and said..."Sometimes---You can secret touch yourself!"

Everyone that was there still talks about that!!!

 

-the other night, I was tucking my 4 year old son into bed, and while I usually say something like "goodnite, don't let the bed bugs bite", this time I just told him "sweet dreams" and left... I hear him holler down the hall, "Mom! Watch out for the bugs!"

 

- My 3 yr old son was playing with a big fat frog.

My aunt warned him the frog might pee on him and he turned the frog belly up pointing his finger between it's hind legs and said "NO NO aunt Faye, he don't have no thingy.

 

- When my nephew was 4 years old he pulled his pants down in front of his nana and said, "Look how big my Pe Pe is getting"

[Buehrle>Wood]

- My 3 yr old son was playing with a big fat frog.

My aunt warned him the frog might pee on him and he turned the frog belly up pointing his finger between it's hind legs and said "NO NO aunt Faye, he don't have no thingy.