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Cubs Jokes


Adam G

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A first grade teacher explains to her class that she’s a Cubs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they’re Cubs fans, too. Not really knowing what a Cubs fan is but wanting to be just like their teacher, the students launch their hands into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception: A girl named Lucy doesn’t go along with the crowd.

 

The teacher asks her why she’s decided to be different. "Because I’m not a Cubs fan," Lucy says.

 

"Then what are you?" asks the teacher.

 

"Why, I’m proud to be a Sox fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she’s a Sox fan. "Well, my mom and dad are Sox fans, so I’m a Sox fan, too."

 

The teacher is now very angry. "That’s no reason!" she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

 

Lucy pauses, then smiles. "Why, then," Lucy says, "I’d be a Cubs fan."

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Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That's wonderful!" says Einstein. "We can talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!!"

Next, Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the woman answers, "144." "That's great!" responds Einstein. "We can discuss politics and current affairs."

 

Finally, Einstein goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Einstein immediately responds. "How about those Cubbies?"

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On a recent tour of the United States, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the Florida coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip.

 

His 4x4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland.

 

They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a huge shark.

 

At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing White Sox jerseys roared into view from around the point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Cubs fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

 

They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.

 

It was the Pope summoning them to the beach. After they reached the shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was bitter hatred between the people of south and north sides of Chicago, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which others could follow."

 

He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?"

 

"That," one answered, "that was the Holy Father, His Holiness the Pope, the head of the Roman Catholic Church and the spiritual leader of millions of faithful Christians around the world."

 

"Well," the harpooner replied, "He doesn't seem to know diddley about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?"

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QUOTE(mreye @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 08:27 AM)

 

lol, what are the odds...this is the one she sent me

 

An elementary teacher starts a new job at a school in Milwaukee and,

> trying to

> > make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that

> she's

> a

> > Brewers fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they are

> Brewers

> fans

> > also.

> > >

> > > Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The

> teacher

> > looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise

> your

> > hand?"

> > >

> > > Because I'm not a Brewers fan," she groused.

> > >

> > > "Well, if you're not a Brewers fan, then who do you support?"

> > >

> > > "I'm a Cubs fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

> > >

> > > "Well Mary, explain why are you a Cubs fan."

> > >

> > > "Because my Mom and Dad are from Chicago and my Mom is a Cubs fan

> and my

> > > dad is a Cubs fan, so I'm a Cubs fan too!"

> > >

> > > "Well," said the annoyed teacher, "th at's no reason for you to be a

> Cubs fan.

> > You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if

> your

> Mom

> > was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief

> ---what

> would

> > you be then?"

> > >

> > > "Then I'd be a White Sox fan."

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My personal all time favorite

 

Five Chicago sports fans were climbing a mountain one day.  Each was a fan of a different Chicago team, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans to their team.  As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.

 

They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Blackhawk fan hurled himself off the mountain, "This is for the Hawks!", as he fell to his doom.

 

Not wanting to be outdone, the Bulls fan threw thimself off the mountain, proclaiming, "This is for the greatest team of the 90's!"

 

Seeing this, the Bears fan walked over and shouted, "This is for DA CoACH!", and leapt to his death.

 

The two remaining fans just looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute, the Sox Fan shouted, "This is for everyone on the south Side!", and pushed the Cubs fan off of the mountain

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QUOTE(Adam G @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 08:24 AM)
My damn secretary keeps sending me Cubs propoganda and jokes making fun of the Sox, I need to return fire.

 

:gosox3:

 

 

Here's the only ammo you neeed "hey b****... get your cub fan ass outta my office - you're f***ing fired."

 

Then go I'm Adam G b****.

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QUOTE(MurcieOne @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 09:05 AM)
Here's the only ammo you neeed "hey b****... get your cub fan ass outta my office - you're f***ing fired."

 

Then go I'm Adam G b****.

She's pretty hot though. :dunno:

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QUOTE(Milkman delivers @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 10:00 AM)
How many queers does it take to flip over a car?

I dunno, but maybe we'll find out if the Cubs win the World Series.

I think a better punchline is, "We'll never know. The Cubs would have to win the World Series first."

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Adam, all I would say is be careful. I know a Sox fan guy who ended up marrying his secretary, a Cub fan. :D

 

Brings a whole new meaning to :fthecubs

 

:lolhitting

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