ZoomSlowik Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 (edited) You could also either direct her to read this book or give it to her as a gift (kill two birds with one stone on Secretary's day): The Million-to-One Team: Why the Cubs Haven't Won a Pennant Since 1945 by George Castle It chronicles the ineptitude of their drafts, horrible trades, and mis-management. You could also simply tell her that at the beginning of their history the Cubs were the Chicago White Stockings. See if she can comprehend that the Cubs used to be the Sox. Maybe if you're lucky she won't be able to handle the truth and jump out the window, not only ending the E-mails but ridding the world of another Cub fan. Or if all else fails, just show her the standings. Edited June 29, 2005 by ZoomSlowik Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balta1701 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 QUOTE(ChiSoxyGirl @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 09:38 AM) Funniest joke: Cub's payroll: $87,032,933 Cubs record: 39 36 .520 (2nd place) Does that include the $10 mil or so they're paying Sosa? Not really a joke, but funny nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam G Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 QUOTE(MurcieOne @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 09:10 AM) She's gonna need to get her job back right? Come on Adam use ur imagination! illicit sex in return for her job. If she wasnt an engaged Jehovah's Witness, I would agree with you. And besides, she works for the senior partner here, not me, unfortunately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam G Posted June 29, 2005 Author Share Posted June 29, 2005 QUOTE(JimH @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 09:48 AM) Adam, all I would say is be careful. I know a Sox fan guy who ended up marrying his secretary, a Cub fan. Brings a whole new meaning to :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChWRoCk2 Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 i like the mountain joke the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nokona Posted June 29, 2005 Share Posted June 29, 2005 Corey Patterson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 One of my two favorite Flubby jokes. If you're all nice maybe I'll share the other one as well... Two Sox Fans and a Cub Fan friend of theirs are walking to the Red Line after a Sox WINNER over the Cubs at the Cell. They stop suddenly when they come upon an unconscious, totally naked young woman in the middle of the sidewalk. They call 911 and wait for the emergency service to arrive. Out of a sense of propriety, the first Sox Fan removes his White Sox cap and places it over her left bossom to cover it up. Following suit, the other Sox Fan removes his cap and uses it to cover her right bossom. Not wanting to seem inconsiderate, the Cub Fan takes off his Cubbie cap and places it over the, er..., pudendal region of the uncouscious woman. When the EMTs arrive, one of them walks up to take a look at the woman. He gets in close and lifts the Cub cap off of the woman's nethers, then puts it back in place. He scratches his head and then takes it off again for another look. he does this one more time, and the confused look on his face is quite evident. Upon returning the Cub cap to its place atop the young woman's loins, the EMT turns to the three men and says, "It's really funny, you know... because usually I only see these things on top of ASSHOLES. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danman31 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Nokona @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 04:20 PM) Corey Patterson. Bahahaha! The best one of all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wise Master Buehrle Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Someone made a good joke here and I wish I knew who it was to give them props. If this joke is yours speak up: "Well, I gotta say... the Cubs did draft the two best pitchers in baseball." *Watch as his smile grows* "Yep, Dontrelle Willis and Jon Garland... damn are they good." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(YahtzeeSox @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:04 AM) Someone made a good joke here and I wish I knew who it was to give them props. If this joke is yours speak up: "Well, I gotta say... the Cubs did draft the two best pitchers in baseball." *Watch as his smile grows* "Yep, Dontrelle Willis and Jon Garland... damn are they good." you're welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalapse Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 11:35 AM) you're welcome. Where the hell have you been? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wise Master Buehrle Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 10:35 AM) you're welcome. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Kalapse @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 11:43 AM) Where the hell have you been? I've been playing the new Transplants disc non-stop, I can't peel myself away from it..... Seriously, I was trying to hold off from posting until the "Tidal Wave Of Negativity"TM about the team with the best record in baseball washed away a bit. Don't want to whine about it, but I didn't really feel comfortable with the overall tone, so I just stayed away for a while. Lurked a little bit, because I'm addicted..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalapse Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:14 PM) I've been playing the new Transplants disc non-stop, I can't peel myself away from it..... Seriously, I was trying to hold off from posting until the "Tidal Wave Of Negativity"TM about the team with the best record in baseball washed away a bit. Don't want to whine about it, but I didn't really feel comfortable with the overall tone, so I just stayed away for a while. Lurked a little bit, because I'm addicted..... Hey, that Transplants CD is unbef***inglievable. The Tidal Wave is here to stay until the end of October. It's unbelievable how much b****ing is going on. You'd think we were in the place of the Tigers right now. The funny thing is a lot of the b****ing is about meaningless s*** like Kevin Walker being called up over Baj or Munoz when chaces are Walker won't even pitch. People love to b**** and be pessimistic, it doesn't matter how good the team is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Kalapse @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 12:47 PM) Hey, that Transplants CD is unbef***inglievable. The Tidal Wave is here to stay until the end of October. It's unbelievable how much b****ing is going on. You'd think we were in the place of the Tigers right now. The funny thing is a lot of the b****ing is about meaningless s*** like Kevin Walker being called up over Baj or Munoz when chaces are Walker won't even pitch. People love to b**** and be pessimistic, it doesn't matter how good the team is. Yeah, it was actually starting to take away from my enjoyment of watching the games, and that's stupid, so I dialed it back for a bit. But I'm kinda back, when time permits. Summer's gonna be real busy. Two softball leagues, daughter in gymnastics and soccer, trying to take care of some major house cleaning and beautifying ( DAMN YOU, HGTV!!!!! WHY MUST YOU HAVE SUCH A HOLD ON MY WIFE??? ). And I like the second song I've heard off the Transplants disc. Not sure if I'll pick it up, but it's a solid listen whenever I hear it on the radio. Are they touring outside of Warped at all? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:14 PM) I've been playing the new Transplants disc non-stop, I can't peel myself away from it..... Seriously, I was trying to hold off from posting until the "Tidal Wave Of Negativity"TM about the team with the best record in baseball washed away a bit. Don't want to whine about it, but I didn't really feel comfortable with the overall tone, so I just stayed away for a while. Lurked a little bit, because I'm addicted..... I missed you soooo much, and then I tried calling but you never returned my calls, so I paged you, but you never called me back, so I tried driving by your house, but all the curtians were closed and I couldn't tell if you home or not, so I tried calling again on my cell phone, but you didn't answer, so I went up and rang your doorbell, and someone peaked out of the window real quick but closed the curtian right away, so I knocked and knocked and knocked, but still no one would answer, so I tried knocking at the backdoor, but you must have forgotten to take your dog back in when you left (because if you were home you would have answered) and he bit me, so instead I tried the front door again and the cellphone, but I got no answer at either one, so then I camped out in my car in your driveway and got out the wifi laptop, but you weren't on Soxtalk so I sent you an email, but you never responeded, then I tried finding you on AIM, but you weren't on there, so I went up to the door again and rang the bell somemore, but no one answered again, so then I thought you might be hurt so I called 911 and had the police come, and I told them about how much I tried getting ahold of you and would you believe it they arrested ME?!?!? So anyways if you get this message could you come down to the Cook County Jail and tell them this is all a misunderstanding, and there really is no restaining order? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(southsider2k5 @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 12:58 PM) I missed you soooo much, and then I tried calling but you never returned my calls, so I paged you, but you never called me back, so I tried driving by your house, but all the curtians were closed and I couldn't tell if you home or not, so I tried calling again on my cell phone, but you didn't answer, so I went up and rang your doorbell, and someone peaked out of the window real quick but closed the curtian right away, so I knocked and knocked and knocked, but still no one would answer, so I tried knocking at the backdoor, but you must have forgotten to take your dog back in when you left (because if you were home you would have answered) and he bit me, so instead I tried the front door again and the cellphone, but I got no answer at either one, so then I camped out in my car in your driveway and got out the wifi laptop, but you weren't on Soxtalk so I sent you an email, but you never responeded, then I tried finding you on AIM, but you weren't on there, so I went up to the door again and rang the bell somemore, but no one answered again, so then I thought you might be hurt so I called 911 and had the police come, and I told them about how much I tried getting ahold of you and would you believe it they arrested ME?!?!? So anyways if you get this message could you come down to the Cook County Jail and tell them this is all a misunderstanding, and there really is no restaining order? Thanks ....you DO know that I moved.....right?.....or did I not tell you?..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalapse Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:56 PM) Yeah, it was actually starting to take away from my enjoyment of watching the games, and that's stupid, so I dialed it back for a bit. But I'm kinda back, when time permits. Summer's gonna be real busy. Two softball leagues, daughter in gymnastics and soccer, trying to take care of some major house cleaning and beautifying ( DAMN YOU, HGTV!!!!! WHY MUST YOU HAVE SUCH A HOLD ON MY WIFE??? ). And I like the second song I've heard off the Transplants disc. Not sure if I'll pick it up, but it's a solid listen whenever I hear it on the radio. Are they touring outside of Warped at all? They're going to start Euro tours for now, they'll be back in America to tour later this year. Since Blink broke up they have more time for tours and writing music. Good to hear you're keeping busy. The talk here could send you into a deep depression if you read it regularly and took it with more than a grain of salt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Kalapse @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:00 PM) They're going to start Euro tours for now, they'll be back in America to tour later this year. Since Blink broke up they have more time for tours and writing music. Good to hear you're keeping busy. The talk here could send you into a deep depression if you read it regularly and took it with more than a grain of salt. As 2K5 will learn in a few years, life is CONSTANTLY busy with a kid! Between the preschool, and the playschool, and the birthday parties, and the activities, and the computer-animated children's movies with just enough adult humor to keep the parents interested, to the trips to the park, the ice cream parlor, the Animated Rodent Themed Pizza Restaurant, etc etc etc ad infinitum, there are more things to do than days to do them! But I'll say this: she is worth EVERY single thing we do for her and with her! She's awesome! my kid! Oh, and to somewhat get this back on topic, my daughter loves to watch ballgames with me. When we watch the Sox and the Sox are losing, this is what she says: "OH, NO, DAD!!! THE SOX ARE LOSING!!!!" When we watch the Cubs ( Mom's a Cub fan and we're not raising a hater, sorry ) and the Cubs are losing, THIS is what she says: "NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(The Critic @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 02:00 PM) ....you DO know that I moved.....right?.....or did I not tell you?..... So you'll call me right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowand44 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 At the cell during the weekend series my line everytime patterson came to bat was "our leadoff hitter has a better ba then your leadoff hitters obp." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(southsider2k5 @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:08 PM) So you'll call me right? ...oh, I'll call ya SOMETHING....but it ain't sweetheart..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Rowand44 @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 01:10 PM) At the cell during the weekend series my line everytime patterson came to bat was "our leadoff hitter has a better ba then your leadoff hitters obp." A well-placed fact can be funnier than any joke! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoomSlowik Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 QUOTE(Rowand44 @ Jun 30, 2005 -> 02:10 PM) At the cell during the weekend series my line everytime patterson came to bat was "our leadoff hitter has a better ba then your leadoff hitters obp." The only problem with that is the typical Cub fan response is, "What the hell is OBP?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NUKE_CLEVELAND Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 QUOTE(Adam G @ Jun 29, 2005 -> 08:24 AM) My damn secretary keeps sending me Cubs propoganda and jokes making fun of the Sox, I need to return fire. Ask her what Jon Garland and Dontrelle Willis both have in common. If she even knows who they are she will be pissed when you tell her the answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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