Jayson Stark

[knightni]

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/stor...yson&id=2104935

 

 

It's seven pages, but here are some funny parts about injuries.

 

I guess they forgot about Wunsch injuring himself walking out of the bullpen.

 

 

Top Five Injuries of the Half-Year

FIFTH PRIZE (HOTEL-LIFE DIVISION): (TIE) Twins shortstop Jason Bartlett ripped off a fingernail -- in his hotel room -- while trying to rotate the TV so he could watch a basketball game. And teammate Terry Mulholland missed a game when he rolled over in bed and a runaway feather from his pillow decided to insert itself in his eye.

FOURTH PRIZE (CLEANUP-MAN DIVISION): Yankees reliever Felix Rodriguez tore cartilage in his knee getting out of the shower.

THIRD PRIZE (HOT-SEAT DIVISION): Cubs reliever Mike Remlinger was sitting in a clubhouse recliner, swiveled in his chair, got his little finger caught between his chair and the one next to it, fractured the pinkie and landed on the disabled list.

SECOND PRIZE (CART-MEETS-THE-HORSE DIVISION): Pirates ace Oliver Perez also headed for the DL with a broken toe -- from kicking the clubhouse laundry cart.

FIRST PRIZE (NEAT-AND-GREET DIVISION): It's still hard to believe that Barmes blew up his rookie-of-the-year campaign over a load of deer meat. He broke his collarbone when he fell trying to carry the deer meat up the stairs of his apartment building -- because he got tired of waiting for the elevator. Then he even engaged in a dastardly cover-up by claiming he was carrying groceries, in an attempt to avoid implicating Todd Helton, who had hosted the deer hunt. Oh, deer.

Minor-League Injury of the Half-Year

Tucson Sidewinders phenom Conor Jackson thought he'd found a safe place to make a cell phone call last month, out beyond the left field fence. He just forgot one minor detail: Batting practice. So he wound up doing more than just raising the bar. He also raised a nice little welt on his noggin -- when he got conked on the head by a BP home run. Oops. Wrong hot spot.

Most Creative Injury of the Half-Year

When a guy is in a slump, he often hears that it's all in his head. But Pirates shortstop Jack Wilson just took that a little too literally.

After flying out in the sixth inning July 2, Wilson thought about his at-bat through the next half-inning. So after it ended, he headed for the clubhouse to watch his at-bat on video.

Uh-oh. Just inside the door, teammate Michael Restovich was loosening up in case he had to pinch-hit. And as he was wind-milling his bat with one hand, guess who walked through the door and got conked with a Louisville Slugger bat right on the old coconut? Yup. And Wilson got gonged so nastily, he even had to leave the game.

"With the way this season has gone, it doesn't surprise me at all that something like that happened," Wilson told the Beaver County Times' John Perrotto. "In fact, I'd almost expect it."

Near Injury of the Half-Year

But some men are luckier than Wilson. Like Mets utility whiz Chris Woodward, for instance. He was minding his own business May 8, standing in the on-deck circle in Milwaukee, when he almost got run over (and practically pan-seared) by the entrants in the daily sausage race.

"That would have been embarrassing, to get plowed over by a hot dog," Woodward told Mets beat man Pete Abraham of the Journal News (of White Plains). "I heard one of them yell, 'Look out!' I think it was the bratwurst."

[Balta1701]

He may very well have written this before the Wunsch injury.

[knightni]

He's more funny stuff on the last page.

 

HOUSEHOLD NO-NAME OF THE HALF-YEAR -- Third-string Angels catcher Josh (I'm Not Even A Molina) Paul had made it through 32 consecutive games without an at-bat last month when a fan approached him for an autograph during batting practice. Here's how the conversation went, according to the Los Angeles Times' Mike DiGiovanna:

 

FAN: "You're my favorite player. Can I have your autograph?"

 

PAUL: "What's my name?"

 

FAN: "I don't know."

 

Hey, at least he didn't call him Molina.

 

MOTHER OF THE HALF-YEAR -- Finally, the Atlanta Journal Constitution cajoled first baseman Adam LaRoche's mother, Patty, to contribute an item last week about her son. And the pride just oozes out of this list of The Five Dumbest Things Adam Did Growing Up:

 

1) "He went camping and forgot to bring the dog back. Never saw the dog again."

 

2) "On a dare, threw an orange over his team's bus while the bus was moving. His target was the roof of a car. The orange smashed the windshield, and the driver that was hit looked over. The name of our school district was on the team bus."

 

3) "Someone brought a pair of antique handcuffs to class. He handcuffed the kid next to him to the chair. There were no keys."

 

4) "One time I told him he was slow as molasses. He said, 'Who's Molasses?' He actually thought there was a person named that."

 

5) "Put a helmet on his little brother Andy, told him to run around the backyard and shot BBs at him. I just found out about this when I went to the wedding of one of Adam's friends."

 

Ah, there's nothing like the love of a mother for a son. Is there? And even in a list of Five Dumbest Things My Kid Ever Did, that love never dies.

[Goober]

on the 6th page, it says it took Jason Johnson 59 seconds to round the bases after his homerun. i went and looked on MLB.TV and it was only 30 seconds. whats goin on here? that liar.

[Benchwarmerjim]

FAN: "You're my favorite player. Can I have your autograph?"

PAUL: "What's my name?"

FAN: "I don't know."

 

 

HAHAH. Priceless