Lying about fences? Only in D.C.

[greasywheels121]

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/columns/stor..._ray&id=2115940

 

Lying about fences? Only in D.C.

By Ray Ratto

Special to ESPN.com

 

You probably didn't notice this story the other day, given all the other stories that come from our nation's capital about lying, prevaricating, my-word-is-toilet-paper politicians, so we forgive you. There's only so much spin a person can endure before he or she starts yakking into the rosebushes.

 

Anyway, as we notice the Nationals sinking slowly back into the firmament of the National League East, watching the vein in Frank Robinson's neck twitch like Scott McClellan at a White House press briefing, we come to discover that the dimensions of their very ballpark have been a lie. The power alleys were mismarked as being considerably shorter than they actually are -- 380 feet, when they are actually 395. For all we know, the pitching mound could be 55 feet from home, and the bases could be 95 feet apart.

 

We now understand why the Gnats simply stopped hitting awhile ago. They suddenly discovered that their warning track power is even worse than they thought.

 

We learned this because two intrepid Washington Post reporters, clearly seeing that Woodward/Bernstein fast track open up before them, started to measure the distances before Nationals officials, in true government-work fashion, stopped them. They then reported that, yes, the dimensions were mismarked, and no, Karl Rove had not leaked the news to the Post.

 

He actually gave it to Robert Novak, but that's another story.

 

In any event, the Nationals' quick start has stalled, and it can't be blamed on Livan Hernandez's small hissy-fit last week, or overworking Chad Cordero, or Robinson's lingering grind-fest with Mike Scioscia.

 

The fact is, the Nats have stopped hitting, and now we know why.

 

Since the All-Star break, they are 3-8, hitting .219 and averaging a St. Louis Brownsian 2.8 runs per game. In fact, going back to the Fourth of July, a big-deal holiday in the nation's capital, we are told, they have scored more than four runs only twice, and one of those times occurred in Philadelphia, where the outfield dimensions are in fact sub-atomic.

 

In short, the Nats are dead in the water, and it's because they suddenly realized they are playing in the Astrodome.

 

This kind of disillusionment seems to happen a lot to first-time visitors to Washington. They see it as the cradle of democracy and the home of the most enduring truths, and then find out, typically within weeks, that you have a better chance of getting an honest cab driver than you do a straight answer.

 

Now the Nationals' front office pleads innocence, of course, citing some blah-de-blah and high-level gobbledygook about argle-bargle and what-not, and they might be right. On the other hand, who gives a damn? They work in the belly of the beast, their outfield dimensions were essentially optimistic guesstimates based on the same principles that produce our budget deficits, and the result is their newest matter of pride is now feeling gravity yanking at the bat rack.

 

Or maybe it's a sinkhole that some surveyor bought off an inspector to keep quiet.

 

The point is, Washington spent all these years bleating for another baseball team to call its own, citing patriotic and Congress-schmoozing reasons to extricate the Montreal Expos from their cavernous home -- you know, Olympic Stadium, the place once described as looking like a toilet with the lid down.

 

Well, after essentially poisoning the grounds, Major League Baseball got its team back in D.C., and promptly put them in a ballpark that lied to it every day.

 

To which we can only say, "Welcome to Washington, boys."

 

Can it be fixed in time to save the Nationals? Probably not. Once you've been lied to by the people who run the country, you never fully trust again. The whoop-de-doo over the revelation of Mark Felt as Deep Throat reminded baby boomers across the land of the shame of Watergate, and there are still people whose shorts knot up over Teapot Dome.

 

Point is, we have learned over the years that when a politician speaks, a grey sawdusty ooze is more likely to issue forth than an actual verifiable truth.

 

The same can be said for baseball officials, especially given their tortured spins over the steroid issue. I mean, "We knew about it, but we didn't, and even if we did, we never said it, it was off the record, and anyway you misquoted us" just didn't fly as an explanation.

 

And now, in the home of Democrats and Republicans, we find out we can't even trust an outfield.

 

Thus, if you're wondering why the Nationals have hit "E," why Cristian Guzman suddenly lost his career, why they can play 14 innings Sunday and still end up with four hits … well, now you know. They got what happens to anyone who's lived there for any length of time.

 

They got Washington'd.