juddling Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Three Chicago sports fans were walking along the beach when they stumbled upon a genie's lamp. Rubbing the lamp, the genie poped out and said he will give each guy a wish. The first guy was a rabid Bears fan and said "All my life I heard about "Bear weather". i hate the cold. I wish for 75 degree temperature for every home game for the rest of my life!" The genie snapped his fingers and said "It is done!" The second guy said "I'm a diehard Cub fan and i can't stand even the thought of a Sox fan stepping into my beloved Wrigley Field. I want a wall around Wrigley Field to keep the sox fans out." The genie snapped his fingers and said "It is done" The third guy, a Sox fan, sadi "Genie..how big is that wall? The genie smiled and said proudly " That wall is 200 ft. high, 100 feet thick and impenetrable" The sox fan replied "Good.....fill it with water!!!!!" juddling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFan1 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(juddling @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 01:28 PM) Three Chicago sports fans were walking along the beach when they stumbled upon a genie's lamp. Rubbing the lamp, the genie poped out and said he will give each guy a wish. The first guy was a rabid Bears fan and said "All my life I heard about "Bear weather". i hate the cold. I wish for 75 degree temperature for every home game for the rest of my life!" The genie snapped his fingers and said "It is done!" The second guy said "I'm a diehard Cub fan and i can't stand even the thought of a Sox fan stepping into my beloved Wrigley Field. I want a wall around Wrigley Field to keep the sox fans out." The genie snapped his fingers and said "It is done" The third guy, a Sox fan, sadi "Genie..how big is that wall? The genie smiled and said proudly " That wall is 200 ft. high, 100 feet thick and impenetrable" The sox fan replied "Good.....fill it with water!!!!!" juddling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Similar joke: Cub fan walking on the beach, rubs a lantern, genie pops out and will grant him one wish. The Cub fans ponders for a moment and tells the genie, I'd like to do something that all of mankind could benefit from. Here is a map of the middle east, there is so much war there, I'd like to see peace for all in the region. The genie thinks for a moment and says, this is beyond what a humble genie can do. They have been at war for generations, it would take the biggest miracle. I can't. How about something else? Well I've been a Cub fan for a long time and I'd like to see them win a World Series? The genie thinks for a second and says, "Where's that map again?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Dejected dad at work "I can't believe it, I think my 5 year old is a Cubs fan" "That's too bad, but how do you know?" "He was smiling and reading the sports section" "But how do you know he's a Cub fan?" "The newspaper was upside down!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milkman delivers Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 A hardcore White Sox fan is walking down the beach and finds a lamp. He rubs it and a genie appears. The genie says he'll give him 3 wishes, but for everything he gets, another person on the beach who is a Cub fan will get twice that. The man's first wish is that he would get $100 million. He gets it, but the Cub fan gets $200 million. The man's second wish is that he'll become huge and muscular. He becomes ripped, but the Cub fan is twice as big. The man thinks for a second, then he gets a great idea. "For my final wish," the man says, "I want to get beaten half to death." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goldmember Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 thread.of.the.year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buehrle>Wood Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 at all of these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 (edited) I had heard the map one before but not the other 3. Great stuff We need more! This is a great thread. Let's fill it up! http://www.soxtalk.com/forums/index.php?sh...view=getnewpost Edited July 28, 2005 by JUGGERNAUT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 A Red Sox fan, A Cub fan and a Yankees fan are walking to a game together. Before approaching the field the 3 of them come across a dead naked female body. The Red Sox fan puts his hat over her left boob, the Yankees fan puts his hat over her right boob and the Cub fan puts his hat over her "downtown" area. When the cop arrives on the scene as he removes each hat he write's down an observation. As he removes the Cub hat he begins to LOL. The 3 fans say what's so funny? He responds you just don't know many times I've found a pussy under one of these hats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 (edited) http://www.chicago-cubs-baseball.com/chicagojokes.php On a recent tour of the United States, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the Florida coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4x4 Pope-mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a Chicago Cubs baseball jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a huge shark. At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing White Sox jerseys roared into view from around the point. Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Cubs fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope summoning them to the beach. After they reached the shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was bitter hatred between the people of south and north sides of Chicago, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which others could follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust. As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?" "That," one answered, "that was the Holy Father, His Holiness the Pope, the head of the Roman Catholic Church and the spiritual leader of millions of faithful Christians around the world." "Well," the harpooner replied, "He doesn't seem to know diddley about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay or do we need to get another one?" Edited July 28, 2005 by JUGGERNAUT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/fans.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFan1 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(JUGGERNAUT @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 04:49 PM) http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/fans.htm Oh my god. I just re-listened to the Lee Elia rant right now and I am literally crying of laughter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Oh my god. I just re-listened to the Lee Elia rant right now and I am literally crying of laughter! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/wrigley.htm You have to pee in a trough at Wrigley. Outdated plumbing and sewerage systems along with drunk Cubs fans who can't aim into the trough have caused 90 years of urine to soak into Wrigley, giving it that lovely smell which earns Wrigley the nickname, "the urinal" Priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/feedback.htm And no, you guys are not "bad ass." You give away barbie dolls at your park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFan1 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(JUGGERNAUT @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 05:06 PM) http://www.angelfire.com/il2/cubssuck/wrigley.htm You have to pee in a trough at Wrigley. Outdated plumbing and sewerage systems along with drunk Cubs fans who can't aim into the trough have caused 90 years of urine to soak into Wrigley, giving it that lovely smell which earns Wrigley the nickname, "the urinal" Priceless I have examined the whole sita andI love it. All priceless stuff. Check out the "Proof of Stupidity" section and look at "Macho Men" :headshake :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Whats the difference between Wrigley Field and a cactus? With a cactus all the pricks are on the outside. What's the difference between Pizza Hut and the Cubs bullpen? Nobody's scared to call for a pizza. How do you tell the difference between a naked Cubs fan and a naked Cards fan? The Cubs fan is the one giggling. Mid-afternoon on a Wednesday, what do Sox fans and the vendors at Wrigley have in common? Jobs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmteam Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 I feel stupid. I don't get the first one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 (edited) http://www.ahajokes.com/chicago_jokes.html Classic Cub quotes: "It's hard to put your finger on it. You have to have a dullness of mind and spirit to play here. I went through pyschoanalysis and that helped me deal with my Cubness."--Jim Brosnan, former Cubs pitcher "Noise pollution can't be that much of a problem. There's nothing to cheer about."--State rep. John F. Dunn, arguing for the installation of lights at Wrigley Field "If I managed the Cubs, I'd be an alcoholic."--Whitey Herzog "There's nothing wrong with this team that more pitching, more fielding and more hitting couldn't help."--Bill Buckner "You get tired of looking at garbage in your own backyard."--Cubs manager Lee Elia in 1983 "The Cubs were taking batting practice, and the pitching machine threw a no-hitter."--Radio deejay "The only bad thing about being released by the Cubs is that they made me keep my season tickets."--Ken Rietz, ex-Cub third baseman "One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the ninth."--Joe Garagiola "The Chicago Cubs are like Rush Street--a lot of singles, but no action."--Garagiola again Did you hear about the new Cubs soup? Two sips and then you choke. "The latest diet is better than the Pritikin Diet. You eat only when the Cubs win."--pianist George Shearing "Would the lady who left her nine kids at Wrigley Field please pick them up immediately? They are beating the Cubs 4-1 in the 7th inning."--Radio deejay Edited July 28, 2005 by JUGGERNAUT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 I feel stupid. I don't get the first one. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Drown Wrigley! Drown the Cub! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Classic post-MJ Chicago joke: (sure most of you have heard it) Five of the most loyal Chicago sports fans (Bulls, Hawks, Bears, Cub, Sox) were climbing a mountain one day. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reached the top. The Hawks fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "this is for the Hawks" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for MJ's dynasty" then the Bears fan jumped and said " this is for DA COACH". The two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Sox fan bellowed... "THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!" and then he pushed the Cub fan off the mountain!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spod=Ratings Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(JUGGERNAUT @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 03:46 PM) Classic post-MJ Chicago joke: (sure most of you have heard it) Five of the most loyal Chicago sports fans (Bulls, Hawks, Bears, Cub, Sox) were climbing a mountain one day. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reached the top. The Hawks fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "this is for the Hawks" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for MJ's dynasty" then the Bears fan jumped and said " this is for DA COACH". The two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Sox fan bellowed... "THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!" and then he pushed the Cub fan off the mountain!!!!! hahaah classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFan1 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(JUGGERNAUT @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 05:46 PM) Classic post-MJ Chicago joke: (sure most of you have heard it) Five of the most loyal Chicago sports fans (Bulls, Hawks, Bears, Cub, Sox) were climbing a mountain one day. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued fighting until they reached the top. The Hawks fan hurled himself off the mountain, shouting, "this is for the Hawks" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be outdone the Bulls fan threw himself off the edge shouting "this is for MJ's dynasty" then the Bears fan jumped and said " this is for DA COACH". The two remaining fans looked at each other in stunned silence. After a minute the Sox fan bellowed... "THIS IS FOR THE SOUTH SIDE!" and then he pushed the Cub fan off the mountain!!!!! I have heard a different version of this with a Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, Cubs, and Cardinals fan... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUGGERNAUT Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 (edited) Three guys (Cards fan, Dodgers fan, Cub fan) are stranded way out in the middle of nowhere. After walking all day they look for a place to spend the night & come upon an old farmhouse. A farmer answers & they ask for a place to stay. The farmer says he only has two spare beds so one of them will have to sleep with the old hog in the sty. The Dodgers fan says I can take anything for one night and heads out to the sty, the other two climb in there beds and everybody goes to sleep. A short time later he comes back & says "I can't take it." So the Cardinals fan says "Big baby. I'll show you real guts." & heads out to the sty. A short time later he comes back & says "I can't stand it." So the Cub fan is next to go to the sty. A short time later there is a loud knock on the door they open it up and there is the hog saying "why have you done this to me?" Edited July 28, 2005 by JUGGERNAUT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitetrain8601 Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 QUOTE(SoxFan1 @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 03:58 PM) I have heard a different version of this with a Yankees, Red Sox, White Sox, Cubs, and Cardinals fan... That's the version I heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farmteam Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 QUOTE(JUGGERNAUT @ Jul 28, 2005 -> 04:59 PM) Three guys (Cards fan, Dodgers fan, Cub fan) are stranded way out in the middle of nowhere. After walking all day they look for a place to spend the night & come upon an old farmhouse. A farmer answers & they ask for a place to stay. The farmer says he only has two spare beds so one of them will have to sleep with the old hog in the sty. The Dodgers fan says I can take anything for one night and heads out to the sty, the other two climb in there beds and everybody goes to sleep. A short time later he comes back & says "I can't take it." So the Cardinals fan says "Big baby. I'll show you real guts." & heads out to the sty. A short time later he comes back & says "I can't stand it." So the Cub fan is next to go to the sty. A short time later there is a loud knock on the door they open it up and there is the hog saying "why have you done this to me?" Ah, I thought it was going to end with the Cubs fan coming back in the morning and saying, "That wasn't so bad; no different than every home game." Or something along those lines. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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