Some blond humor

[Steff]

ASTROLOGY:

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.... and one blonde says to the other: " Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says"Hellooooooo, can you see Florida.......??

 

CAR TROUBLE: A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?

"He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

 

SPEEDING TICKET:

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wishyou guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

 

KNITTING:

A highway patrolman pulled along side a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bull horn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

 

BLONDE ON THE SUN:

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

 

IN A VACUUM:

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked,"Is it on or off?"

 

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HellOOOooo," answered the blond.? "They're watch dogs!"

[Steff]

My wife, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway, the other day, just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

 

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

I said "Great; tell me what you're so happy about."

 

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told me that she was pregnant!

 

I was ecstatic! We had been trying for a while, so I grabbed her and kissed her on the lips and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

 

Then, she said "Oh, honey. There's more.

"I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby.

We are going to have TWINS!"

 

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,

I asked her how she knew.

 

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Walmart and bought the twin-pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!

[Kid Gleason]

So a blond walked into Wrigley Field.

 

 

 

 

That's all. Nothing more.

[farmteam]

Why do blondes wear their hair up?

 

To catch all the stuff that goes over their heads.