Texsox Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 A friend of mine calls me, she is doing a little research project and needed some jokes about condoms. For some strange reason she thought I just might know a couple. Where things became interesting was when she described her trip to the store and all the different styles. Now it has been along time since I've been in the market for condoms, I find my looks and personality are effective means of birth control.I arrive at the store and realize why I've never been down that aisle. One side is the bewildering array of feminine hygiene products to clean and maintain a (I believe the official soxtalk term is) cooter. The other side of the aisle seems to be for teenagers and hookers. That's where I am heading. Much to my surprise I see an old, even by my standards, man standing in front of the condoms. Now I am a little surprised to see an octogenarian looking over the selection, I'm guessing he's strolling through the park reminiscing. Then I see the continence products are conveniently displayed next to the condoms, how cruel and taunting I think. But then again if the old guy doesn't know if he's coming or going, this is handy. He leaves with his Depends and a 6 of Coors Lite, and I begin to review the selections. What the hell happened to condoms in 20 years? Flavors?! Being a guy from birth, I never actually owned a cooter, so I was shocked to learn you ladies can taste with one. I am assuming this is really for the guys. "Come on honey, pleeeease, it will taste like bananas . . ." Bananas, what a cliche`. Then we have pleasure bumps, pleasure humps, and pleasure dots. Ladies are these really pleasurable? Tingling sensation for him, tingling sensation for her, mutual pleasure, mandelay (I thought it was a Vegas casino) glow in the dark (strobe light effects?), and once again flavors? Will anyone admit to tasting one? So I need some stories. What works, what doesn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3E8 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Some girls will only give oral if the partner wears a condom. That's why they make the flavors, I think. They probably want different tastes than original latex or spermicidal lubricant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodAsGould Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(3E8 @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 04:34 AM) Some girls will only give oral if the partner wears a condom. That's why they make the flavors, I think. They probably want different tastes than original latex or spermicidal lubricant. See thats what I dont get.... I understand and all for using condoms when you have sex but for oral.... why even bother than? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3E8 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(SoxFan101 @ Oct 18, 2005 -> 11:43 PM) See thats what I dont get.... I understand and all for using condoms when you have sex but for oral.... why even bother than? So you don't get herpes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalapse Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(SoxFan101 @ Oct 18, 2005 -> 11:43 PM) See thats what I dont get.... I understand and all for using condoms when you have sex but for oral.... why even bother than? STDs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxy Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 That's old news Tex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodAsGould Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Well I guess if your doing it with a hooker or something.... But if you have a girlfriend and you plan to have any type of sex dont you think you should know if she has and std's or something of the sort. And if she does I wouldnt want to do it even with a condom not worth the risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercy! Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 That's old news Tex. By me, I"LL SAY! I usually left that stuff up to my ex. I mean, buying the condoms, not uh, oh nevermind. Anyway, Tex, this wasn't what you had in mind, I guess, but .................. After the Sox clinched, I was having some guilty pleasure reading the final game day thread at a pretty lame Angels message board, and got a good chuckle out of this exchange when the Angels brought in a relief pitcher: From: warrenburdick2 Oct-16 9:54 pm To: eligrba4ever (259 of 619) When Shields came in, did I hear Buck say he had a rubber on or was I just hearing things? From: eligrba4ever Oct-16 9:55 pm To: warrenburdick2 (262 of 619) He was referring to Shields' "rubber arm." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(Mercy! @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 02:18 AM) By me, I"LL SAY! I usually left that stuff up to my ex. I mean, buying the condoms, not uh, oh nevermind. Anyway, Tex, this wasn't what you had in mind, I guess, but .................. After the Sox clinched, I was having some guilty pleasure reading the final game day thread at a pretty lame Angels message board, and got a good chuckle out of this exchange when the Angels brought in a relief pitcher: LOL, that is priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(ChiSoxyGirl @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 12:13 AM) That's old news Tex. I'm old Back to my original question, is there a difference, or is this all marketing hype? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalapse Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(SoxFan101 @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 12:39 AM) Well I guess if your doing it with a hooker or something.... But if you have a girlfriend and you plan to have any type of sex dont you think you should know if she has and std's or something of the sort. And if she does I wouldnt want to do it even with a condom not worth the risk. What about the girl? Assuming she is your girlfriend, she still doesn't know, you could be screwing around behind her back or have caught something and not know it. There's a lot of people out there who have venereal diseases and don't know it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Gleason Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I'm in the same boat as Tex with this knowledge. But even if I wasn't, that is some of the best damn writing up there on his first post!!! LOL!!! Hand that itself over to your friend Tex, it's great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercy! Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Okay, let me get this straight. You’ve got this “friend” wink wink who’s doing a “research project” wink wink and needs jokes about CONDOMS. And that got you thinking about “what works, what doesn’t.” So you’re asking for specific details and…. Puhleese! Did we just fall off the turnip truck, or what? Can’t you just call 1-800-RUBBERS? On a slightly related note (but honest I’m not referring to you, Tex) – is anyone here old enough to remember the scourge of dirty phone calls we used to have to put up with? They were just a fact of life. These pathetic pervs – a lot of them must have just dialed at random and waited for a woman to answer before starting up with their nonsense. Caller ID just wiped that out instantly after it came out. One good piece of technology. Don’t know what made me think about that all of a sudden. Well, sorry, didn’t mean to put a damper on the Rubber-A-Thon. Carry on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(Mercy! @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 08:07 AM) Okay, let me get this straight. You’ve got this “friend” wink wink who’s doing a “research project” wink wink and needs jokes about CONDOMS. And that got you thinking about “what works, what doesn’t.” So you’re asking for specific details and…. Puhleese! Did we just fall off the turnip truck, or what? Can’t you just call 1-800-RUBBERS? On a slightly related note (but honest I’m not referring to you, Tex) – is anyone here old enough to remember the scourge of dirty phone calls we used to have to put up with? They were just a fact of life. These pathetic pervs – a lot of them must have just dialed at random and waited for a woman to answer before starting up with their nonsense. Caller ID just wiped that out instantly after it came out. One good piece of technology. Don’t know what made me think about that all of a sudden. Well, sorry, didn’t mean to put a damper on the Rubber-A-Thon. Carry on. Actually Mercy, she is doing youth protection training for a youth group and hoping to keep their attention. She thought a couple jokes and stories would help. She called various health agencies and the biggest complaint the health departments hear is they take away from, not add to the enjoyment. If some of these features improved upon original equipment, that would seemingly be a good thing. But that story would be too boring and I'm working some humor and seeing what would work, hence my original post. I think she is crazy, but always willing to help a volunteer. Do people still call them rubbers? I just got an idea for a visual joke with a rain slicker and rubber boots. If it was something else, wouldn't I just volunteer to buy the rack and commence testing? And getting back to phone calls, when I was living in Wildwood, my phone number was 223-3825 which happened to spell ACE-f***, thank you very much. I would get reverse perv jokes. People calling me to tell me my phone number spelled 223-f***. I sometimes played along, if it wasn't too late. Once a couple of young girls called and I started asking them about it, and they screamed they were calling the cops, I laughed and said, hey YOU called ME! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Oh what the hell, I'll bite. It has been a looooooooong time (thank God) since I've had to use one, but I remember this. They had a very latex kinda smell to them, very much like a balloon. I also remember as a kid, I'd put ballons in my mouth and the taste was frickin horrible. I can't imgine what you could possibly add to a condom that would mask that awful taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyho7476 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 I always wear flavored condoms when I give myself oral. You have to be safe...I don't know where I've been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(tonyho7476 @ Oct 19, 2005 -> 12:02 PM) I always wear flavored condoms when I give myself oral. You have to be safe...I don't know where I've been. LMAO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iwritecode Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 QUOTE(Texsox @ Oct 18, 2005 -> 09:53 PM) glow in the dark (strobe light effects?) Watch the movie Skindeep. IIRC, John Ritter gets arrested for "cock-fighting" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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