more humor...

[juddling]

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

 

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill.

 

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

 

The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

 

Dear God,

 

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00

 

 

[juddling]

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and made a nasty sign with his fingers at the woman.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic. And here's why:

 

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper to bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8-lane highway.

 

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

 

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4,000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

 

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

 

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

 

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.

 

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

 

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

 

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing.

 

That means that every single day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed

 

 

(Then again..that number is probably higher on the Tri-state!!!)

 

Edited November 10, 2005 by juddling

[RibbieRubarb]

That means that every single day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed

(Then again..that number is probably higher on the Tri-state!!!)

 

 

 

and how many have dated Albert Belle?

Edited November 10, 2005 by RibbieRubarb

[Steff]

and how many have dated Albert Belle?

 

 

 

Your wife and the kid gonna have enough life insurance to last them the rest of their lives.....

 

 

 

[RibbieRubarb]

Your wife and the kid gonna have enough life insurance to last them the rest of their lives.....