bjm676 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 What if Santa answered his mail honestly... ____________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary, so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my Mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a Drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging s*** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoCalSouthSider59 Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 f***ing hillarious! :fthecubs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chisoxfn Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 Is that Maddox by chance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sayitaintso Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 QUOTE(robinventura23 @ Dec 9, 2005 -> 01:33 PM) What if Santa answered his mail honestly... ____________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary, so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is Peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my Mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a Drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging s*** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa ------------------------------------------------------------------ Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa That is pretty funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 stop calling yourself markey...that's why you're getting your ass whiped at school everday. hahaha. A guy came into the bank the other day (he's like 55-60) his mom insisted his WHOLE life his name was spelled "Tommie". He got his birth certificate from the state for some insurance forms and it's spelled "Tommy". I felt so bad for him. He was telling me that he used to get teased SO bad growing up. f***in' moms :finger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliamTell Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 lol this is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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