What would you do?

[sox4lifeinPA]

I was talking with miss PA tonight and we got into an arguement about this. I said I don't think it was in me to keep this child. I don't know if I could live with constant reminder of that event. She said she'd keep it, for religious reasons.

 

arguing about such things isn't a favorite pasttime, it came up while we were doing a bible study from "The Purpose Driven Life". It was saying that God knew you before you were born and you aren't an accident even if your parents didn't plan for you. So, God planned that a child be born from rape?

 

doesn't sit well with me.

[Heads22]

I moved this to the 'Buster because i just have a feeling this will get political.

[sox4lifeinPA]

sorry, just used to posting in the main board.

[Heads22]

Regardless, it's an interesting debate.

 

Just keep it civil, folks.

[ChWRoCk2]

Get raped by some random woman so I dont feel left out.

 

or kill Kobe Bryant

Edited January 17, 2006 by ChWRoCk2

[Rex Kickass]

I think I'd do whatever my partner felt to be the best. She's the one violated, ultimately it's her call. I'd just support her decision and love her no matter what.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

Morning after pill. Then track down the f***er that did it and put a bullet in his brain.

Edited January 17, 2006 by NUKE_CLEVELAND

[ChWRoCk2]

Morning after pill. Then track down the f***er that did it and put a bullet in his brain.

Now the question is, since he raped your wife and daughter, after your put the bullet in his head how do the charges work out?

[mmmmmbeeer]

The GF and I talked about it over dinner actually about a week ago.

 

I always use the " So if your saying a serial rapist and killer took control of you, raped you, and you then became pregnant, you would want the child, with that monsters genes  in that child, to be brought into this world?"

 

She agreed, but also said it would be extremely difficult to abort a child, which I 100% understand.

 

That's what I'm sayin' man, I would not want that set of genes in my family. The kid would be resented greatly. Ultimately, it's her decision. As cold hearted as it may be, if she wants the kid and I don't, I would have to leave her life. I couldn't live with a daily reminder of my wife being violated by some criminal. If it were my daughter, it's still her decision. Being I would not be responsible for raising the child or playing a large role in the child's life, I wouldn't split ties with my daughter.

[sox4lifeinPA]

as heartless as it seems, I want to agree with mmmmbeer. I just couldn't handle it. I understand that it's her choice, but this is ultimately bigger than just miss pa; this effects more than just her.

 

on the other hand, how is that different than adopting? someone else's kid, right?

 

This kid would not be treated the same by anyone, save perhaps the woman that bore him. I'm pretty sure I'm not equipped to handle something like that.

[Texsox]

I think I'd do whatever my partner felt to be the best. She's the one violated, ultimately it's her call. I'd just support her decision and love her no matter what.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What he said.

[sox4lifeinPA]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What he said.

 

um, I didn't want to say it, but two men can't get pregnant. so, unless I don't know something, that opinion seems a little too "what we're supposed to say".

 

However, I think it's probably the right thing to do. Tex, does having kids make this decision easier? wouldn't it tare you up inside knowing the child wasn't yours? was created out of such a violent sin? I just think about ishmael (sp?) Will God bless that child in his/her life the same way he might a child born in wedlock?

[Steff]

Isn't it all "what your supposed to say"...?

 

Until you put on this pair of shoes - and I pray that no one here or anywhere EVER has to - you have no idea how you'd react no matter what you say.

 

And PA, in the big picture it really isn't any different then adoption is it? It's not your bio child, yet do you think you could love it..? And why would the child not be treated normal..? Do children created as a result of rape come out with "child conceived from rape" tatoo'd across their forhead..?

 

How about this one mmmmbeer.. if your daughter was raped by her husband and choose to keep it.. would you love it? Would you stand by your above comment that you would not participate in it's life...? It would be your bio grandchild...

 

If I was raped I honestly have no idea what I would do. But if I did have the child I certiantly wouldn't blame the child for the way it was conceived.

[Steff]

Will God bless that child in his/her life the same way he might a child born in wedlock?

 

 

 

Why wouldn't he (she )...?

[mmmmmbeeer]

Isn't it all "what your supposed to say"...?

 

Until you put on this pair of shoes - and I pray that no one here or anywhere  EVER has to - you have no idea how you'd react no matter what you say.

 

And PA, in the big picture it really isn't any different then adoption is it? It's not your bio child, yet do you think you could love it..? And why would the child not be treated normal..? Do children created as a result of rape come out with "child conceived from rape" tatoo'd across their forhead..?

 

How about this one mmmmbeer.. if your daughter was raped by her husband and choose to keep it.. would you love it? Would you stand by your above comment that you would not participate in it's life...? It would be your bio grandchild...

 

If I was raped I honestly have no idea what I would do. But if I did have the child I certiantly wouldn't blame the child for the way it was conceived.

 

 

raped by her husband? you lost me there.

 

my biggest objection would be that "criminal gene". with that in mind, it's VERY different from adoption. Adoption you get to choose your child after careful research. A baby borne of rape you not only have no chance to research and choose a child, but you also know from conception on that that child's father was genetically prone to violent behavior. THAT is not something I'd want to get involved in. Like I said, it may sound cold hearted but i have my values and my own life. If my wife made what I deemed as a ridiculously poor decision that I just couldn't live with, I'd have to leave.

[Steff]

raped by her husband?  you lost me there.

 

my biggest objection would be that "criminal gene".  with that in mind, it's VERY different from adoption.  Adoption you get to choose your child after careful research.  A baby borne of rape you not only have no chance to research and choose a child, but you also know from conception on that that child's father was genetically prone to violent behavior.  THAT is not something I'd want to get involved in.  Like I said, it may sound cold hearted but i have my values and my own life.  If my wife made what I deemed as a ridiculously poor decision that I just couldn't live with, I'd have to leave.

 

 

Raped by her husband... crystal clear.

 

"Criminal gene"... What the hell is that..?

 

And, since it's apparent you don't know much about adoption, there are no guarantees that an adopted child is free from issues.

 

Violence is not a genetic defect. It's a learned behavior.

[Controlled Chaos]

raped by her husband?  you lost me there.

 

my biggest objection would be that "criminal gene".  with that in mind, it's VERY different from adoption.  Adoption you get to choose your child after careful research.  A baby borne of rape you not only have no chance to research and choose a child, but you also know from conception on that that child's father was genetically prone to violent behavior.  THAT is not something I'd want to get involved in.  Like I said, it may sound cold hearted but i have my values and my own life.  If my wife made what I deemed as a ridiculously poor decision that I just couldn't live with, I'd have to leave.

 

Criminal gene?? Not sure what this is.

 

Plenty of women are raped by the husbands. Just cause you're married doesn't give you free reign to rape your wife.

 

I have to go with Rex's answer as well. It is ultimately her decision and I would support it either way. Maybe it's "what we're supposed to say" because it's the right thing to do.

[Steff]

By the way mmmbeer... by leaving the household, not supporting your spouse, and forcing her to raise a child alone you are adding to the possibility of that child becomming a violent person later in life. Studies show that children raised in single parent households have a much greater chance of violently offending.

 

I know it's your personal decision, and I don't judge you. But maybe with more facts you might be able to better make a decision... and possibly make the life of a child a wonderful one.

 

Again.. hopefully you never have to ponder these things.

[Rex Kickass]

um, I didn't want to say it, but two men can't get pregnant. so, unless I don't know something, that opinion seems a little too "what we're supposed to say".

 

The only way I can picture being in a wedded relationship with someone, man or woman, is if I love them totally and completely. And if I did, things like this probably wouldn't matter.

[NorthSideSox72]

I'm going with Rex's option as well, which I wish was an option in the poll. I'd support my wife/friend/GF/sister/whatever's decision, whatever it was. My leaning would be to keep it, but ultimately, I could only influence the decision, not make it. It would be her decision to make ultimately.

[Steve Bartman's my idol]

I am most definitely pro-choice but I am anti-abortion.

 

I hate the idea of abortion but would never begrudge anyone the choice of doing so.

[Soxy]

morning after pill, a s***load of tests for std's, and therapy

 

if it was a friend or something, I'd go with Rex's answer. Be supportive listen, and offer to go to counseling or the doctor or both (and that's not just something I say because it "souds right" but I've actually gone to hospitals with women to get the morning after pill and lead some support groups). Really, there is no answer but offer them love and support and let them get the control back in their life by making their own choices.

[Goldmember]

i know of two couples where such situations occurred. one had a beautiful little girl whom they love and raised/are raising no differently than the couples' children. the other couple decided to adopt the child to a handpicked family where they knew the love & care it would receive. what decision i'd make/how i'd react? i never want to know...

[LosMediasBlancas]

What is a man's legal obligation in terms of financial support if he decied to leave his wife? It is not his biological child, but is he still legally obligated to support?

[zach23]

my biggest objection would be that "criminal gene".  with that in mind, it's VERY different from adoption.  Adoption you get to choose your child after careful research.  A baby borne of rape you not only have no chance to research and choose a child, but you also know from conception on that that child's father was genetically prone to violent behavior.

 

 

Well, my wife and I have adopted and I have to tell you that this isn't exactly true. We did meet the biological mother and father, but only once briefly. As far as their medical history, they filled out a form given to them by the agency. Did they tell the truth on it, who knows? There are many times we take our son to the doctor and they ask us if there is a history of certain conditions in the family. We have to say that we really don't know and tell them he was adopted. We show them all the information we got from the agency.

 

We also have no way of knowing if the guy we met is the real biological father. The couple was not married and didn't even live together. So for all we know the real biological father may have never answered any questions about medical history.

 

We didn't research or "choose" a child. We went through the long adoption process, specified if we would take a boy, or girl or either, specified what races we would accept, and if we would accept a child from a mother who took drugs, alcohol, etc. We submitted a life book that consisted of personal pictures so the mother they matched us to could decide if she liked us. When a baby became available that fit, we were introduced to the parents, or the mother if the father wasn't known. If they liked us, they chose us, if not they were introduced to another couple.

 

Every agency is different too, some don't do things like ours. Plus, ours was private and would only take clients that were referred to them. We looked into foreign adoption at another agency and with that you even have less of a choice. You basically go through the process and the country you are adopting from decides which child you will get. You can't specify sex, race, etc. Plus in these cases the child was usually abandoned and nothing is known about the parents.

So there really isn't that much difference in a child that is adopted and one that is conceived from rape. Besides the obvious that your wife has gone through a horrible ordeal, the only real difference is you know everything about the mother's history and can control the pre-natel care she gets. In our case, the biological mother had almost no pre-natel care. In both cases you may not even know who the father was since there is a chance that the rapist won't be caught.

 

Its hard for me to comment on the original question of this post since it would be impossible for my wife to have a child even if she was raped. That is why we adopted in the first place. If she could have children and this happened, I would respect whatever decision she made. If she did decide to keep the child, I would have no problem accepting him/her as my own. After adopting, that is a much easier thing to see now. Since the day we adopted my son and started going to see him in the hospital (he was born premature), I have never once felt like he wasn't mine. It doesn't matter that he isn't biologically mine, he is my son and always will be. I guess the hardest thing about a child from rape would be if he someday wanted to know his biological father. With our son we decided from day one that he will know he was adopted. We have pictures of his biological parents and gave them books to fill out personal information about themselves. If someday he wants to know more about them, he will be able to. I want him to know that his parents didn't just give him up because they didn't want him. In the case of a rape, this would be much harder.