Texas food question. . . Tex, Kap??

[FlaSoxxJim]

I hope I don't get shot fer even asking that question, as I believe 90% of Texans would say beans don't belong in chili.

 

I have to make an authentic (if a litle mild) Texas chili with my daughter for a school project, and she and her mother both refuse to accept that the authenticity of the recipe will be compromised bby the inclusion of frijoles.

 

So, what say yoou? Beans or no beans??

[southsider2k5]

Asking for pinto beans in Chili=Asking for ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago

[The Critic]

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvs me some beans in my chili.

Of course, I'm not making any "authentic" chili, so I don't care.

And I also like ketchup on hot dogs. Food Snobs be DAMNED!!!!!!!!

[jackie hayes]

Authenticity=no beans. This isn't even up for debate.

[The Critic]

Chili minus beans equals Sloppy Joe.

 

[jackie hayes]

Chili minus beans equals Sloppy Joe.

 

 

Fine by me. I'd eat the best Texas chilis on bread, on almost anything.

 

Just not on a Chicago dog. Or a gyro. Or a Chicago pizza. A guy (reminder: jackie is a guy) has got to have some principles.

[southsider2k5]

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvs me some beans in my chili.

Of course, I'm not making any "authentic" chili, so I don't care.

And I also like ketchup on hot dogs. Food Snobs be DAMNED!!!!!!!!

 

Ketchup is all I eat on hot dogs, I was just making an analogy all of ya'll midwesterners would understand.

[mr_genius]

authentic = no beans

 

fo sure

[FlaSoxxJim]

Asking for pinto beans in Chili=Asking for ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago

Not pintos, frijoles rojos (red beans).

[NorthSideSox72]

My version uses black beans. And it kicks some serious buttocks.

 

But it ain't Texan, I suppose.

[T R U]

I DESPISE beans with a passion.. I will never eat them, ever

 

Beans have no place in Chili, the best is when my mom makes chili and puts these like steak cubes in it on top of some noodles... oh man its the best

 

but beans suck ass

 

I also live in Texas if you needed a professional opinion

[THEWOOD]

I hate beans in chili...speaking of chili anyone got some good recipes for chili w/o beans?

[Rex Hudler]

Screw Texas chili, give me Skyline!!!

[LosMediasBlancas]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, if beans don't belong in chilli, then wtf goes into it? Just spicy ground beef? That's called 'picadillo'.

[Texsox]

Beans? Just say No.

 

And of course, this thread wouldn't be complete without this gem

 

INEXPERIENCED CHILI JUDGE

 

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting

Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a

judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last

moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking

directions to the beer wagon, when the call came.

 

I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili

wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free

beer during the tasting. So I accepted."

 

Here are the scorecards from the event:

 

_________________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

 

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

 

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

 

FRANK: Holy s***, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried

paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope

that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

 

_________________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

 

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

 

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken

seriously.

 

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am

supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to

give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they

saw the look on my face.

__________________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

 

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

 

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

 

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I

have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more

beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is

in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s***-faced from all the beer.

____________________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

 

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

 

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

other mild foods, not much of a chili.

 

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to

taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was

standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. b**** is starting to

look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an

aphrodisiac?

 

_______________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

 

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very Impressive.

 

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit

the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

 

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can

no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed

paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili

had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring

beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off?

It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Screw those rednecks!

________________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

 

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice

and peppers.

 

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.

Superb.

 

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulfuric flames. I s*** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat

through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that

slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips

anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

___________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

 

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

 

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of

chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried

about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is

cursing uncontrollably.

 

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't

feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like

it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid

unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like s*** to match my

damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've

decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it. I'm not getting

any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch

hole in my stomach.

____________________________________________________

 

CHILI # 8 LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER'S CHILI

 

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,

not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.

 

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor

hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed

out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure

if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a

really hot chili?

[Kyyle23]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, if beans don't belong in chilli, then wtf goes into it?  Just spicy ground beef?  That's called 'picadillo'. 

 

exactly what I was thinking. If Chili with beans=Hot Dog with Ketchup, then Chili with no beans=Plain Hot Dog.

[Kid Gleason]

I luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvs me some beans in my chili.

Of course, I'm not making any "authentic" chili, so I don't care.

And I also like ketchup on hot dogs. Food Snobs be DAMNED!!!!!!!!

 

[Steff]

Hmm... I thought I was weird because I didn't like beans in my chili, or anywhere else with the exception of green beans.

 

 

With that, it's now down to 438 other things that make me weird.

[LosMediasBlancas]

exactly what I was thinking.  If Chili with beans=Hot Dog with Ketchup, then Chili with no beans=Plain Hot Dog.

 

 

Yeah, f*** that, chilli needs beans.

[NorthSideSox72]

I DESPISE beans with a passion.. I will never eat them, ever

 

Beans have no place in Chili, the best is when my mom makes chili and puts these like steak cubes in it on top of some noodles... oh man its the best

 

but beans suck ass

 

I also live in Texas if you needed a professional opinion

Noodles?

 

They let you do that to chili in Texas?

[kapkomet]

I'm late, but real Texas chili doesn't have beans or frijoles, or frijoles rojas.

 

at Tex's joke.

[FlaSoxxJim]

I'm late, but real Texas chili doesn't have beans or frijoles, or frijoles rojas.

 

at Tex's joke.

 

OK, now that some Texas folk have chimed in (sorry I forgot TRU was Lone Star as also).

 

first, thanks for corroborating my no beans stance on Texas chili.

 

Now, what woudl a Tex-Mex taco be, if there even is such a thing? My kid now wants to bring tacos instead of chili, and our telling her that they are an example of Mexican food and not Texas food is falling on deaf eight-year-old ears.

 

So, apparently we now have to make Tex-Mex tacos.

[Texsox]

OK, now that some Texas folk have chimed in (sorry I forgot TRU was Lone Star as also).

 

first, thanks for corroborating my no beans stance on Texas chili.

 

Now, what woudl a Tex-Mex taco be, if there even is such a thing?  My kid now wants to bring tacos instead of chili, and our telling her that they are an example of Mexican food and not Texas food is falling on deaf eight-year-old ears.

 

So, apparently we now have to make Tex-Mex tacos. 

 

A couple options would be

 

corn tortilla, slightly to moderatly greasy with bistek (chopped steak) onions and cilantro. Definately "Tex-Mex"

 

flour tortilla with scrambled eggs, and whatever makes a good omlette.

 

How about some Texas BBQ? Pit smoked, (pecan or mesquit) Brisket with beans, rice or potato sales, raw onion, pickle, jalepenos, and a couple slices of white bread and some sweeeeeeeet tea. That would be my first choice. If you could get some BBQ sauce from Millers or Rudy's that would be almost perfect.

[LosMediasBlancas]

Well, if you Texans take that beanless so called 'chilli' and put it in a tortilla, you get your standard ground beef taco.

[FlaSoxxJim]

A couple options would be

 

corn tortilla, slightly to moderatly greasy with bistek (chopped steak) onions and cilantro. Definately "Tex-Mex"

 

flour tortilla with scrambled eggs, and whatever makes a good omlette.

 

How about some Texas BBQ? Pit smoked, (pecan or mesquit) Brisket with beans, rice or potato sales, raw onion, pickle, jalepenos, and a couple slices of white bread and some sweeeeeeeet tea. That would be my first choice. If you could get some BBQ sauce from Millers or Rudy's that would be almost perfect.

 

Ach, I was trying to gget her to do something easy, since I'll be the one doing the cooking. Texas sheet cake or corn bread or something. barring that, a one-pot meal like chili would be better for a bunch of gradeschoolers than something like tacos that need some assembly. But noooooo, Little Miss Stubborn now wants to make tacos. . .