LosMediasBlancas Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Help. What advice would you give to a woman who is involved with someone who she shouldn't be involved with? My (female) friend is single, he is married. He of course continues to string her along with the usual BS that he's 'in the process'' of leaving his wife. This has gone on for years. She is an otherwise extremely bright person, who has fallen deeply in love with a sumbag. How can someone so frickin bright be so frickin stupid? I suppose with matters of the heart there is no bright or stupid, we just fall in love, or am I making excuses for her? I have on a few ocassions told her to wake up and realize that the relationship will never happen. Mostly though, I just let her cry on my shoulder. I'm torn between telling her that I don't want to know anything else about this particular part of her life, but I feel like that's not what friends do. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockRaines Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 QUOTE(LosMediasBlancas @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 02:32 PM) Help. What advice would you give to a woman who is involved with someone who she shouldn't be involved with? My (female) friend is single, he is married. He of course continues to string her along with the usual BS that he's 'in the process'' of leaving his wife. This has gone on for years. She is an otherwise extremely bright person, who has fallen deeply in love with a sumbag. How can someone so frickin bright be so frickin stupid? I suppose with matters of the heart there is no bright or stupid, we just fall in love, or am I making excuses for her? I have on a few ocassions told her to wake up and realize that the relationship will never happen. Mostly though, I just let her cry on my shoulder. I'm torn between telling her that I don't want to know anything else about this particular part of her life, but I feel like that's not what friends do. What would you do? People like that never figure it out, until they figure it out. Its a life lesson she has to learn by herself. I was in a relationship for many years where people would tell me it was no good, and that I should get out, but I never saw it for what it was until I did it myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 QUOTE(RockRaines @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 03:39 PM) People like that never figure it out, until they figure it out. Its a life lesson she has to learn by herself. I was in a relationship for many years where people would tell me it was no good, and that I should get out, but I never saw it for what it was until I did it myself. I think you're right, but my problem is that I honestly get tired of the same boo-hoo crap from her probably twice a week. I don't know how to be a friend to her about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockRaines Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 QUOTE(LosMediasBlancas @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 02:46 PM) I think you're right, but my problem is that I honestly get tired of the same boo-hoo crap from her probably twice a week. I don't know how to be a friend to her about it. Thats the thing, sometimes you just have to lay down the law. Tell her your point of view, and tell her that the coddling will stop, and that she needs to make a choice. Sometimes thats what it takes. Of course leave that up to your own discretion. But I have a friend who was getting beaten by her boyfriend, and it took us stopping our friendship for her to finally snap out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 QUOTE(RockRaines @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 03:48 PM) Thats the thing, sometimes you just have to lay down the law. Tell her your point of view, and tell her that the coddling will stop, and that she needs to make a choice. Sometimes thats what it takes. Of course leave that up to your own discretion. But I have a friend who was getting beaten by her boyfriend, and it took us stopping our friendship for her to finally snap out of it. Thx Rock. You're allright, I don't care what everyone else says about you in PMs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyyle23 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Good advice on advice rock, I think the same way. Those people want to be assured that their skewed view of the relationship is right, and as a friend I take it upon myself to let my friend know that I dont agree with it. I have lost friends that way, sadly, but i had to draw the line on a similar situation in college. She wanted me to tell her that it was ok that she was hooking up with a guy who had a longtime GF, and I told her she was only going to get hurt. She stopped talking to me, and she ended up getting hurt shortly thereafter. the guy cheated on her AND his longtime GF. I told her it was coming, but she had her blinders on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmags Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Short answer = kill the person you want gone or is it green? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Short answer = f*** the (female) friend til she shuts up. Or is it green? ....it IS, in fact, meant to be green.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxy Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 If you consistently tell her the truth (that he's a douche who will never leave his wife) she will either 1.) Believe you and break up with him or (more likely) 2.) Stop talking about it with you. It seems like the harshest way to go, but she's living a lie and at some point lies always get found out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 QUOTE(RockRaines @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 03:48 PM) Thats the thing, sometimes you just have to lay down the law. Tell her your point of view, and tell her that the coddling will stop, and that she needs to make a choice. Sometimes thats what it takes. Of course leave that up to your own discretion. But I have a friend who was getting beaten by her boyfriend, and it took us stopping our friendship for her to finally snap out of it. That's what I did with my sister. I told her I couldn't stand by and watch her get treated the way she was being treated by Nate's dad (or as I affectionately call him, Sperm Donor). It took her a few days, but she did leave and is now on her own and doing quite well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 QUOTE(Soxy @ Apr 28, 2006 -> 11:20 PM) If you consistently tell her the truth (that he's a douche who will never leave his wife) she will either 1.) Believe you and break up with him or (more likely) 2.) Stop talking about it with you. It seems like the harshest way to go, but she's living a lie and at some point lies always get found out. ^^^ That's the jist of it. There are only 2 ways these things work out, and those are them. Bad situation all around for sure. But if you are close enough then I would just say... "hey, I care about you and I am sick of seeing you hurt - and that is the impression YOU give me. You are ultimately going to do what you want and you have that right since it's your life, but I can not support this behavior. I want to continue to be your friend, but because of how I feel about this situation I need to put boundries on the things you confide in me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted April 29, 2006 Author Share Posted April 29, 2006 Thx for the help everyone. You guys rock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.