The Yes Men

[LowerCaseRepublican]

The Yes Men are a group of 'culture jammers' that put corporate egg on their faces when companies/groups mistake them for being the actual spokespeople. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yes_Men

 

And the Yes Men have struck again. On Tuesday, a man claiming to be a representative for the company Halliburton gave a presentation at the "Catastrophic Loss" conference at the Ritz-Carlton in Amelia Island, Florida. The conference included leaders from the insurance industry.

 

The phony spokesperson gave his name as Fred Wolf. He told conference-goers Halliburton had invented the SurvivaBall -- a new orb-like inflatable product to protect corporate managers from the effects of global warming. Wolf said: “It's essentially a gated community for one.” The hoax comes less than two years after a Yes Men member appeared on the BBC claiming to be a spokesperson for Dow Chemical. He said Dow was taking responsibility for the Bhopal chemical disaster -- forcing the company to remind the world it did not take responsibility for the disaster and that there was no compensation fund set-up for the victims.

 

 

May 9, 2006

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

Contact: mailto:[email protected]

Photos: http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/EPDU/

 

HALLIBURTON SOLVES GLOBAL WARMING

SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change

 

An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when

climate change makes life as we know it impossible.

 

"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no

matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a

Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss

conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida.

"This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate

change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.

 

Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause an

accelerating onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes,

etc. and that a world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible.

For example, Arctic melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30% in just the

last decade; if the Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly become

just as cold as Alaska. Global heat and flooding events are also

increasingly possible.

 

In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree we

must reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years.

Doing that would seriously undermine corporate profits, however, and

so a more forward-thinking solution is needed.

 

At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three

SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably

protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any

intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs

- will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient

gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting

defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not

go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by

catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.

 

"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.

 

Dr. Northrop Goody, the head of Halliburton's Emergency Products

Development Unit, showed diagrams and videos describing the

SurvivaBall's many features. "Much as amoebas link up into slime molds

when threatened, SurvivaBalls also fulfill a community function. After

all, people need people," noted Goody as he showed an artist's

rendition of numerous SurvivaBalls linking up to form a managerial

aggregate with functional differentiation, metaphorically dancing

through the streets of Houston, Texas.

 

The conference attendees peppered the duo with questions. One asked

how the device would fare against terrorism, another whether the array

of embedded technologies might make the unit too cumbersome; a third

brought up the issue of the unit's cost feasibility. Wolf and Goody

assured the audience that these problems and others were being

addressed.

 

"The SurvivaBall builds on Halliburton's reputation as a disaster and

conflict industry innovator," said Wolf. "Just as the Black Plague led

to the Renaissance and the Great Deluge gave Noah a monopoly of the

animals, so tomorrow's catastrophes could well lead to good - and

industry must be ready to seize that good."

 

Goody also noted that Jean-Michel Cousteau's Ocean Futures Society was

set to employ the SurvivaBall as part of its Corporate Sustenance

® program. Another of Cousteau's CSR programs involves accepting a

generous sponsorship from the Dow Chemical Corporation, whose general

shareholder meeting is May 11.

 

Please visit http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/EPDU/ for photos,

video, and text of today's presentation.

[chitownsportsfan]

This isn't subversive--it's just silly. What was accomlished by this "protest"? Every moment wasted on activities like this is a moment that could be spent working for real political and thus economic change.

 

Just my thoughts.

Edited May 11, 2006 by chitownsportsfan

[samclemens]

my question is: how is this group not being sued for billions by these multi-billion dollar companies they are impersonating and humiliating in a national spotlight?

[LowerCaseRepublican]

my question is: how is this group not being sued for billions by these multi-billion dollar companies they are impersonating and humiliating in a national spotlight?

They just create similar looking websites with similar addresses.

 

From their FAQ asking the same question:

On the other hand, what we do might not be illegal. Lawyers don't seem to know; the ones we've asked can't point to such-and-such a law that means we're in trouble.

[NUKE_CLEVELAND]

Lawsuit is going to be filed against this group for slander in 5.........4............3............2........1..........

[Rex Kickass]

Satire does not equal slander.

[Balta1701]

Satire does not equal slander.

If someone wanted to sue them...they better get a book out damn quick. Make as much $$ off of it as possible before it's thrown out of court by the first judge who sees it.

[bmags]

hahaha...awesome.