The Real Rules of the Road

[juddling]

Chicago's Rules of the Road

 

 

 

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.

 

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

 

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.

 

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

 

5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs.

 

6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

 

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

 

8. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

 

9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and they are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

 

10. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

 

11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

 

12. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

 

[GaelicSoxFan]

You forgot one: the proper way to salute the other driver's driving ability is the one finger way.

[StrangeSox]

Chicago's Rules of the Road

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real driver never uses them.

 

 

That's so damn annoying. You signal to get over, so the jackass in the next lane speeds up to keep even with you.

 

What's wrong with people and the "oh no, you're not getting in front of me!" mentality?

[juddling]

That's so damn annoying. You signal to get over, so the jackass in the next lane speeds up to keep even with you.

 

What's wrong with people and the "oh no, you're not getting in front of me!" mentality?

 

 

I only do that if the jackass decides to wait till the last minute to merge onto an on ramp or when they shoot up the lane that is closed only to try to merge at the last second. sorry pal....i waited in line.....you can wait in line.

[southsider2k5]

I only do that if the jackass decides to wait till the last minute to merge onto an on ramp or when they shoot up the lane that is closed only to try to merge at the last second. sorry pal....i waited in line.....you can wait in line.

 

^^^

 

Exactly.

[RockRaines]

My favorite move is when there is a lane closure coming up. I stay in the closing lane, but keep even with my intial position and therefor block people from rushing into the merged lane at the last second. It really pisses people off.

[Flash Tizzle]

13. Why manually brush the snow off the top of your car when it can blow off automatically; hopefully into the view of passing motorists.

[J-MAN]

My favorite move is when there is a lane closure coming up. I stay in the closing lane, but keep even with my intial position and therefor block people from rushing into the merged lane at the last second. It really pisses people off.

 

Ya know Rock I do the same thing! My dad drove a beer truck - taught me all my bad driving habits!

 

Luckily I haven't passed most of them on to my son.