LVSoxFan Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 (edited) ED NOTE: THIS IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK FOR LAUGHS. I DON'T MIND HAWK AT ALL. Roeper wrote about how Hawk needs to dump all the tired cliches when he's doing Sox broadcasts, and then listed them. I thought I/we should join on the fun. Here was my reply: Anyway, you were right on today about how the Hawkster needs to retire his now-tiresome cliches, not only because they ARE cliches, but also because they announce to the world: "Yes, I am considerably that much older than most of you. And I was obviously a redneck. Ergo I am tone-deaf to Generation X, Y, Z and everything after!" I think we can all agree that we will never tire of "You can put it on the booooooooooard, YES!" My all-time favorite home run call. That stays. Unless he wants to make it: "You can put it on my myspace paaaaaaaage.... YES!" Nah. That's not gonna work. Let's deal with the others: "Can o' corn": I had to have a co-worker explain what this meant to me. When I heard that explanation, my reply was: "Are you ***ing kidding me?" The Hawkeroo needs to realize that most of us didn't grow up going to the general store in town like he did, where the Prepperidge Farm guy pulled down a can with a long stick of a high shelf. We were waiting in line for a "PRICE CHECK!" because the UPC code smudged and the scanner wouldn't read it. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: For an easy pop-up, the Hawk should say "And... for making [insert player's salary here], he'd better ****ing catch that! We'll be right back!" "Suck 'em up, Joe": Is at Crede at third base or facing a line of shots on the bar a Hooters? This is lame. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Nothing. Just shut up, Hawk. "Rack 'em up": Rack what up? Is this when the inning's over? Is this a bowling analogy, or billiards? REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: How about: "The inning's over." Nobody likes being analogied to death. "He JUST missed it": This is what Hawk says about any ball that's, like, within 10 feet of the warning track even if the wind is blowing directly in from center at 30 MPH. This, along with "STRETCH," has been used so many times for balls that were EASILY fielded I don't even look up from my betting form when he blurts it out. Er, hey! I was just kiddin! "Grab some bench": I personally don't mind this one, and enjoy it as a taunt. But what if the guy just goes and stands in the dugout, without sitting down? These are the questions people are afraid to ask. "He gone!": aside from being grammatically unfortunate, there's an interesting contradiction here if you go to games at the park, where when they play it on the loudspeaker it's actually "He's gone." I never got that. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Forget it. This one's never going away. Once it's on a t-shirt at the Cell, it's permanent. Just like my "BORCHARD RULES!" shirt. Right? "Big crooked number:" what the hell does this even mean? "Crooked number"? Does that mean "odd" number? Integer? What? What's crooked about it? Is the scoreboard askew? REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Just tell us the score and let's get to the unavoidable U.S. Cellular commercial already. "Cinch it up and hunker down": this sounds like a command given to prisoners at Abu Ghraib, and you we're not going to even go there... REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Sometimes it's better to just say nothing, if this is the best you can come up with. Yuck. "Be a two-strike hitter, 24": Can we all agree as Sox fans that at any given pitch we want you to hit the ball? So not only is this command redundant and stating the obvious, it's unnecessary, because... REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: ...you're the broadcaster, Hawk. Let us do the cheering if this is the best you can come up with. Because "Duh!" insights like this are a dime a dozen, and nobody likes the guy who decided to supply the dime... "Chopper two-hopper": "Caught by the big bopper, who's got the runner by a whopper, and he nails him! PROPA!" File under: self-explanatory REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: More like "deletion suggestion." This is the baseball equivalent of "You gellin?" "Right size, wrong shape": Huh? What kind of non-sequitir crap is this? It was a foul ball. Seeing that it was out of play there was nothing "right" about the size OR the shape REPLACEMENT SUGGESTIONS: Instant bet between him and D.J.if the person who catches it has a mustache. Make it a drinking game. "This ballgame is OVA": This is one of those weird Hawk-isms where he appears to be appropriating slang from some other subculture, but nobody knows what it is. Is it Southern? Italian? Urban slang? Just something he thought of and thought was funny? Ambiguity: it's a b****! REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: If we lose: "F*ck! What is this, 2006?" If they win: "Hey Twins: put THIS in your inflatable dome and..." Think about that. Yuck! "The Carmines": what, is it 1957 already? Nobody under the age of sixty knows why you call them this. Ergo, stop calling them this. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: For accuracy purposes, call them "ESPN's Man-Crush" "The Twinkies": Hey, welcome to sixth grade! Here's your desk! REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: "The team that's always up our ass." Hope this helps, Rich. I'll post these at soxtalk.com so we can get a movement going! Edited October 5, 2006 by LVSoxFan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirScott Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 I like the old school calls. "Can-of-corn" and "the Carmines" are two of my favorites. if we listen to this jerk, we should change the name of this board. Pale Hose Talk? what year is this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxAce Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 LVSoxFan, I see you've had alot of free time in your hands?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 No. It's gonna be a sad day when we don't have Hawk anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greasywheels121 Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 QUOTE(Heads22 @ Oct 5, 2006 -> 05:45 PM) No. It's gonna be a sad day when we don't have DJ anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LVSoxFan Posted October 5, 2006 Author Share Posted October 5, 2006 I don't mind Hawk at all. I do tire of some of them, but just did this for laughs. Hawk isn't going to change anything, and we know it. So does Roeper. The whole question is rhetorical. Just read it for laughs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soxbadger Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Well crooked number I think makes perfect sense and is one of the better expressions in baseball. Definition of crooked; 1. not straight; bending; curved Compare that to 1 which on most score boards is just a straight line. Therefore when a team scores any number but 1 they have placed a number that is not straight aka crooked on the board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFan1 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(Soxbadger @ Oct 5, 2006 -> 07:17 PM) Well crooked number I think makes perfect sense and is one of the better expressions in baseball. Definition of crooked; 1. not straight; bending; curved Compare that to 1 which on most score boards is just a straight line. Therefore when a team scores any number but 1 they have placed a number that is not straight aka crooked on the board. ^ How slow do you have to be to not get that one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Spencer Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I love Hawk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AirScott Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(Jim Spencer @ Oct 5, 2006 -> 08:00 PM) I love Hawk I love hearing old-time baseball players tell stories. I would pay $20 to sit with Hawk for two hours and listen to him tell stories...$25 if Moose Skowron were involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I loved when Black Jack filled in, however. Long-term option? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 (edited) "Duhhhhrrrrr, on TV Hawk says HE Gone, but at duh ballpark it says HE'S Gone, duhhhhhrrrrrr...." This long-time Sox fan must have just FORGOTTEN that Hawk used to say "He's Gone" then it morphed into He Gone. I know that Roeper's a Sox fan, but he sounds like a Johnny-come-lately when he complains about stuff that he should know if he was paying attention. Edited October 6, 2006 by The Critic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greg775 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I also like Roeper but he is wrong. These may be cliches Hawk uses but they are not as bad as the sports cliches borrowed by entertainment and news writers all the time. Roeper should re-read what he wrote and immediately admit he was wrong. I don't think he wants Hawk to be dull and Hawk would be dull if he didn't say these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drew Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 ESPN's man-crush is funny, but you should expand its meaning to the Yankees as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Controlled Chaos Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(LVSoxFan @ Oct 5, 2006 -> 04:36 PM) ED NOTE: THIS IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK FOR LAUGHS. I DON'T MIND HAWK AT ALL. Roeper wrote about how Hawk needs to dump all the tired cliches when he's doing Sox broadcasts, and then listed them. I thought I/we should join on the fun. Here was my reply: Anyway, you were right on today about how the Hawkster needs to retire his now-tiresome cliches, not only because they ARE cliches, but also because they announce to the world: "Yes, I am considerably that much older than most of you. And I was obviously a redneck. Ergo I am tone-deaf to Generation X, Y, Z and everything after!" I think we can all agree that we will never tire of "You can put it on the booooooooooard, YES!" My all-time favorite home run call. That stays. Unless he wants to make it: "You can put it on my myspace paaaaaaaage.... YES!" Nah. That's not gonna work. Let's deal with the others: "Can o' corn": I had to have a co-worker explain what this meant to me. When I heard that explanation, my reply was: "Are you ***ing kidding me?" The Hawkeroo needs to realize that most of us didn't grow up going to the general store in town like he did, where the Prepperidge Farm guy pulled down a can with a long stick of a high shelf. We were waiting in line for a "PRICE CHECK!" because the UPC code smudged and the scanner wouldn't read it. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: For an easy pop-up, the Hawk should say "And... for making [insert player's salary here], he'd better ****ing catch that! We'll be right back!" "Suck 'em up, Joe": Is at Crede at third base or facing a line of shots on the bar a Hooters? This is lame. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Nothing. Just shut up, Hawk. "Rack 'em up": Rack what up? Is this when the inning's over? Is this a bowling analogy, or billiards? REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: How about: "The inning's over." Nobody likes being analogied to death. "He JUST missed it": This is what Hawk says about any ball that's, like, within 10 feet of the warning track even if the wind is blowing directly in from center at 30 MPH. This, along with "STRETCH," has been used so many times for balls that were EASILY fielded I don't even look up from my betting form when he blurts it out. Er, hey! I was just kiddin! "Grab some bench": I personally don't mind this one, and enjoy it as a taunt. But what if the guy just goes and stands in the dugout, without sitting down? These are the questions people are afraid to ask. "He gone!": aside from being grammatically unfortunate, there's an interesting contradiction here if you go to games at the park, where when they play it on the loudspeaker it's actually "He's gone." I never got that. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Forget it. This one's never going away. Once it's on a t-shirt at the Cell, it's permanent. Just like my "BORCHARD RULES!" shirt. Right? "Big crooked number:" what the hell does this even mean? "Crooked number"? Does that mean "odd" number? Integer? What? What's crooked about it? Is the scoreboard askew? REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Just tell us the score and let's get to the unavoidable U.S. Cellular commercial already. "Cinch it up and hunker down": this sounds like a command given to prisoners at Abu Ghraib, and you we're not going to even go there... REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: Sometimes it's better to just say nothing, if this is the best you can come up with. Yuck. "Be a two-strike hitter, 24": Can we all agree as Sox fans that at any given pitch we want you to hit the ball? So not only is this command redundant and stating the obvious, it's unnecessary, because... REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: ...you're the broadcaster, Hawk. Let us do the cheering if this is the best you can come up with. Because "Duh!" insights like this are a dime a dozen, and nobody likes the guy who decided to supply the dime... "Chopper two-hopper": "Caught by the big bopper, who's got the runner by a whopper, and he nails him! PROPA!" File under: self-explanatory REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: More like "deletion suggestion." This is the baseball equivalent of "You gellin?" "Right size, wrong shape": Huh? What kind of non-sequitir crap is this? It was a foul ball. Seeing that it was out of play there was nothing "right" about the size OR the shape REPLACEMENT SUGGESTIONS: Instant bet between him and D.J.if the person who catches it has a mustache. Make it a drinking game. "This ballgame is OVA": This is one of those weird Hawk-isms where he appears to be appropriating slang from some other subculture, but nobody knows what it is. Is it Southern? Italian? Urban slang? Just something he thought of and thought was funny? Ambiguity: it's a b****! REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: If we lose: "F*ck! What is this, 2006?" If they win: "Hey Twins: put THIS in your inflatable dome and..." Think about that. Yuck! "The Carmines": what, is it 1957 already? Nobody under the age of sixty knows why you call them this. Ergo, stop calling them this. REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: For accuracy purposes, call them "ESPN's Man-Crush" "The Twinkies": Hey, welcome to sixth grade! Here's your desk! REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION: "The team that's always up our ass." Hope this helps, Rich. I'll post these at soxtalk.com so we can get a movement going! A+ for effort here LV. It looks like you put a lot of time into this post. Next time, however, I would urge you to follow your own advice. See REPLACEMENT SUGGESTION for "cinch it up and hunker down" Serious question....Are they cliches if you're the one that came up with them?? Can something be cliche if you're the only that does it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoSox05 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Roeper should stick to movie reviews. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumu Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Roeper is a tool. Roeper has always been a tool. And no, he shouldn't stick to movie reviews, he sucks at them. I really hate Roeper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuskyCaucasian Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 I am occasionally guily of yelling "STRETCH!" at the TV. *bows head in shame* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockRaines Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(mu mu @ Oct 6, 2006 -> 08:49 AM) Roeper is a tool. Roeper has always been a tool. And no, he shouldn't stick to movie reviews, he sucks at them. I really hate Roeper. I dont know. Didnt he write Sox in the City? That was a great white sox book. I get the feeling alot of people on here havent read his work, they just like to "hate" any reporter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vandy125 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(Athomeboy_2000 @ Oct 6, 2006 -> 10:03 AM) I am occasionally guily of yelling "STRETCH!" at the TV. *bows head in shame* I do it too. As well as "HE GONE!", "GRAB SOME BENCH!", and "PUT IT ON THE BOARD!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanOfCorn Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Did Hawk ever do radio? He should cuz his Hawk-isms are perfect for radio. I love the Hawk and hope he continues to do Sox games until he passes on to the dugout in the sky. He's sooo much better than the crap I have to listen to for Astros and Rangers games. Bill Brown? Josh Lewin? Actually, they're great...if I wanna take a nap. The only good thing is I get to hear one of my favorites do Astros radio...Milo Hamilton. I love me some Milo, if only cuz he HATED Harry Carey. And LV, if you EVER mess with Can o' Corn again, I'll have to drop one on your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hangar18 Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 Retire the Hawk-isms? Not a Chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LVSoxFan Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 Nothing's wrong with "Put it on the board...." that is CLASSIC. Regarding the "He gone" thing--that's exactly the point: he says "He gone!", the shirts say "He gone!" but on the PA it's "He's gone!" Why not just UPDATE the damn thing. BTW and me being an idiot for not knowing "crooked number"? My baseball expert co-worker thought it meant something entirely different, so I don't feel so bad. BTW the one I think we can ALL agree on is "Duck snort." Stooopid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanOfCorn Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(LVSoxFan @ Oct 6, 2006 -> 01:12 PM) Nothing's wrong with "Put it on the board...." that is CLASSIC. Regarding the "He gone" thing--that's exactly the point: he says "He gone!", the shirts say "He gone!" but on the PA it's "He's gone!" Why not just UPDATE the damn thing. BTW and me being an idiot for not knowing "crooked number"? My baseball expert co-worker thought it meant something entirely different, so I don't feel so bad. BTW the one I think we can ALL agree on is "Duck snort." Stooopid. No sir. I do not agree. I think he talks more in baseball-isms than Hawk-isms when it comes to things like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Critic Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 QUOTE(LVSoxFan @ Oct 6, 2006 -> 01:12 PM) Nothing's wrong with "Put it on the board...." that is CLASSIC. Regarding the "He gone" thing--that's exactly the point: he says "He gone!", the shirts say "He gone!" but on the PA it's "He's gone!" Why not just UPDATE the damn thing. BTW and me being an idiot for not knowing "crooked number"? My baseball expert co-worker thought it meant something entirely different, so I don't feel so bad. BTW the one I think we can ALL agree on is "Duck snort." Stooopid. The only things Hawk should retire are "duck snort", "heinie bird" and ANY mention at all of Jay Mariotti. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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