Steff Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 My girlfriend who's stupid ass abusing (convicted twice) ex-husband filed for an annulment cause he apparently found some stupid ass skank to marry him and because she didn't give a s*** she didn't participate, just got a letter back today stating it was granted. She emailed me this part of the letter... "The information in your case indicates that it would be beneficial for you to consult a priest, deacon, or other pastoral minister in order to come to a fuller understanding of the Church's teaching regarding marriage. If you have not already done this, the tribunal recommends that you do so in the near future before any marriage" LMAO... This coming from the orginization who hides child molestation. Her questionable actions during the marriage included once leaving him to rot in jail after a beating that left her in the hospital for 4 days, and another time throwing his belongings into the street after he beat and raped her. He claimed she "abondoned the marriage". Uhhh.. no s*** sherlock. I hope his little floosey saved a little cash to pay for the divorce she will likely be filing within the next year or so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 Yikes.. she's writing a letter back, and she's pissed. I know this will be hard to believe... but she's more vile and b****ier than I am when pissed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 25, 2006 -> 06:26 PM) Yikes.. she's writing a letter back, and she's pissed. I know this will be hard to believe... but she's more vile and b****ier than I am when pissed. oh, her name is steff too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(sox4lifeinPA @ Oct 25, 2006 -> 07:43 PM) oh, her name is steff too? Na. I know another Steff and she's real nice. I think I have the market covered on crazy b****es named Steff. Her name is Carol and she's a few years older than me and been re-married for 5 years. She is not happy about being told she should get counseling before marrying again.. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 Hmm.. not sure about this. I'm not active enough in church to know how this will be responded to. Me, I say what have you got to lose and send it. Thoughts..? Dear Rev. : I received your judgment granting the annulment in the above noted case. While I agree that during the tribunal investigation the judge has the advantage of gaining certain insights, I do believe without both parties participation your insight is not complete. It was my decision not to participate because I took my vows seriously and choose not to mock the union of marriage by creating falsehoods to support a decision that would appease my partner and be able to marry in a church. I understand that it is my right to request any and all documentation used to aid you in reaching this decision and at this time I officially request to review those items. I feel that I may have been defamed and libeled and reserve the right to pursue legal action. I also want to note that I took great offense at your closing comments advising me to seek some sort of counseling. As I stated above you have been privy to one side of the story and as the saying goes there are usually three. His, hers, and the truth. The fact that I have been happily married for 5 years and have severed all ties with my past is in itself a testament to the love and strength I have gained from my faith, congregation, and priest. At the very least I find it ironic that I am being suggested to seek advice on life matters considering the very public scandals involving the Catholic Church in recent times. Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone… I anticipate the arrival of the documentation I have requested in a timely manner. Thank you for your assumed cooperation. Regards, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 25, 2006 -> 07:26 PM) Yikes.. she's writing a letter back, and she's pissed. I know this will be hard to believe... but she's more vile and b****ier than I am when pissed. Because you are asking for advice, and because I have watched a couple annulments work through the Church, including two I wrote letters in support of, I can say this based on my observations, No matter what letters go through, it gets rubber stamped and granted. Gone are the days where the Church would try and keep a couple together. All this really does is allow the parties to get remarried in a Catholic Church. Obviously Carol doesn't need counseling. The person who raped and beat her should seek counseling, but you are right, why should she need counseling. Carol was the victim. Carol can waste some energy tossing letters back and forth, but why not spend that time with her new and improved hubby and just let that bad experience fall away? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 "The information in your case indicates that it would be beneficial for you to consult a priest, deacon, or other pastoral minister in order to come to a fuller understanding of the Church's teaching regarding marriage. Maybe it's me, but I don't think that sounds like, "You wacko bi---, you need to get straightened out." It sounds more like a paragraph that they put in every single annulment approval notification. IMO, your friend is over reacting, especially by taking little potshots at the Catholic church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(mreye @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 10:58 AM) Maybe it's me, but I don't think that sounds like, "You wacko bi---, you need to get straightened out." It sounds more like a paragraph that they put in every single annulment approval notification. IMO, your friend is over reacting, especially by taking little potshots at the Catholic church. I think she's ticked because, to her, it seems like the ex didn't share his "fault" in the breakdown of the marriage because if he had that would have not been put in there It's tough to be attacked (how she is seeing it) when she did nothing wrong, and even after everything he did to her still chose not to go for an annulment. I do wonder if it's standard and if the jerkoff's letter included it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:05 AM) I think she's ticked because, to her, it seems like the ex didn't share his "fault" in the breakdown of the marriage because if he had that would have not been put in there It's tough to be attacked (how she is seeing it) when she did nothing wrong, and even after everything he did to her still chose not to go for an annulment. I do wonder if it's standard and if the jerkoff's letter included it as well. If she's so concerned why didn't she attend the preceedings? I know - she wants to forget it all, well, then forget it! Let it go - it seems like she had (Been happily re-married for 5 years) - why can't she let this little insignificant thing go? I would bet his letter had the same comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(mreye @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:10 AM) If she's so concerned why didn't she attend the preceedings? I know - she wants to forget it all, well, then forget it! Let it go - it seems like she had (Been happily re-married for 5 years) - why can't she let this little insignificant thing go? I would bet his letter had the same comment. Alrighty... Thanks eye. I'm sure you'll understand that I won't be sharing your response with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:13 AM) Alrighty... Thanks eye. I'm sure you'll understand that I won't be sharing your response with her. Sorry if I pissed you off. It's just my opinion. I just thought the reason she didn't attend was she didn't want to relive all the BS - I agree with that. But, I think it's counter-productive to get upset about what was said there. She knew he would drag her through the mud and blame everything on her, why is she surprised? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 Insignificant? Not sure I would consider this insignificant. Annulments are given out WAY too easily by the Catholic church. As much as I adore(d) my late FIL, I still do not understand how he managed to get one after 30 years of marriage and 4 kids. According to the kids, you pay enough you get one. Without knowing (or wanting to know) the process, I am not sure how true that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(mreye @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:18 AM) Sorry if I pissed you off. It's just my opinion. I just thought the reason she didn't attend was she didn't want to relive all the BS - I agree with that. But, I think it's counter-productive to get upset about what was said there. She knew he would drag her through the mud and blame everything on her, why is she surprised? You didn't piss me off. I just don't see how give her the advice you posted would be helpful or productive. I'm not judging her in this matter. Just trying to be supportive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:21 AM) You didn't piss me off. I just don't see how give her the advice you posted would be helpful or productive. I'm not judging her in this matter. Just trying to be supportive. I guess I just thought going through all the BS again - by, rightfully so, trying to clear some things and her name up, might be too much of a pain in the ass to go through for what the end "gain" will be - which is? Does that make sense? QUOTE(Queen Prawn @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:20 AM) Insignificant? Not sure I would consider this insignificant. Annulments are given out WAY too easily by the Catholic church. As much as I adore(d) my late FIL, I still do not understand how he managed to get one after 30 years of marriage and 4 kids. According to the kids, you pay enough you get one. Without knowing (or wanting to know) the process, I am not sure how true that is. I don't consider an annulment insignificant. I considered the comment in the letter insignificant in the whole scheme of things. I'm just speaking from my perspective. I didn't put up with and go through what she did. I just thought that now that she's in a good relationship and happy this comment is not something to get upset about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 Ok - gotcha - thought you were saying the annulment was. Shoo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(mreye @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:37 AM) I guess I just thought going through all the BS again - by, rightfully so, trying to clear some things and her name up, might be too much of a pain in the ass to go through for what the end "gain" will be - which is? Does that make sense? Absolutely. I did tell her something along that line when she asked me last night what to do, and if I thought writing the letter would be good. My initial advice was to write away.. get it out of her system.. then toss it. He's a waste of oxygen that I wouldn't give the time of day to, but.. I was not his victim so I really have no clue how she feels as far as being violated again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Queen Prawn @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:20 AM) Insignificant? Not sure I would consider this insignificant. Annulments are given out WAY too easily by the Catholic church. As much as I adore(d) my late FIL, I still do not understand how he managed to get one after 30 years of marriage and 4 kids. According to the kids, you pay enough you get one. Without knowing (or wanting to know) the process, I am not sure how true that is. It is insignificant (that is too harsh a word, but I'll use it) if the person views marriage as something more legal than religious. The two people coming as one, etc. "What God has joined together let no man put asunder". Then the issue of an annulment becomes more important. I know in the two that I was involved in no money transfered hands. I think that goes back to the days when it took practically the blessing from the Pope and only the wealthy could go through the process. The Church has bowed to practicality a least here in the US. I hear even in strongholds like Ireland, when up until 1997 divorce was not allowed by governmental law, the Church is easier. One letter was difficult to write. They had a great marriage until they lost their first baby at birth. The grief, stress, and all the tragedy encompassed destroyed their marriage. It seemed like counseling would have saved it, but they both refused. Both sides wanted the annulment, and it sailed through, although not soon enough to allow the ex-husband to be married in the Catholic Church. He renewed their vows about a year later after the annulment went through. IIRC the ex-wife sent a gift. Classy lady. The second one got nasty. Infidelity, stealing family heirlooms and other personal property, and everything else you could toss into a nightmare. The cheater and stealer later fought the annulment to block the other person from getting married in the Church. That took quite a while and wore on both parties. Like Eye, I can't see investing all that energy to prove a bad marriage you are happy to be out of was in affect, a marriage. But clearing one's name is also important, no matter how obscure the venue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queen Prawn Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 If they are not religous, why "waste" the time and effort on the annulment (which is purely through a church, no?) if legally divorced? As I mentioned, the only divorce I was remotely close to was my in-laws and that was well after the fact so I am now well-versed on the ins and outs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 QUOTE(Steff @ Oct 26, 2006 -> 11:42 AM) Absolutely. I did tell her something along that line when she asked me last night what to do, and if I thought writing the letter would be good. My initial advice was to write away.. get it out of her system.. then toss it. He's a waste of oxygen that I wouldn't give the time of day to, but.. I was not his victim so I really have no clue how she feels as far as being violated again... OK, so we agree. Yeah, we can't possibly understand how she feels, that's why I say all this from a very ingnorant perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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