WhiteSoxFan1 Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I just started dating a girl last week sort of, but she has a super stirct parents with a super religeous upbringing and im having trouble adjusting. I am the complete opposite. My parents and everyone ive ever dated or had a relationship with has had very laid back parents. My parents used to let me stay out til 1am on a school night as long as I didnt get in trouble and got my butt to school, and Ive never really had situations where people ive dated had a ton of restrictions. So obviously now in this situation with this new girl im having a little bit of trouble. I mean her parents arnt even letting her go to a concert I invited her too this weekend because they dont want her going alone with a boy. Realistically they dont want her going anywhere with me since im not a boy from her church and they dont know me. I mean seriously, who still does that? Also as I mentioned they are super super religous and I havent been to church since I was a little kid. They believe in the regular church routine, waiting til marriage and all that stuff, while im living life in the here and now. Now im not saying their life style is wrong in ANY way. All im saying is that its something ive never had to deal with before. Its only a week in to us dating and its like im already trying to get the parents approval and everything is so strict to what she can and cant do that im just having a hard time adjusting. It was brought up yesterday about possibly meeting her parents, but we both are kind of nervous for that. Mostly because just based on normal cridentials her parents have, I dont 'fit the bill' at all. Also im 20 and shes 17, and that would be just another of the many things wed have to lie about in this situation. I dunno. Ill take any help, advice or opinions I can get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockRaines Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Whatever you do, dont lie to her parents about anything. Also dont try to sneak around behind their back if you really want to date the girl for awhile, you have to earn their trust first. Of course there is a flipside to this: She might like you more because her parents are suspicious of you. Some girls who are brought up in a household like that want to sneak around and have their parents not like thier boyfriend, they get off on that. So which ever direction you want to take it, its your call, but there are clearly two different paths to take here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteSoxFan1 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 I like the later choice, but she seems to be very hesitant to take that route, but I wouldnt say its completely unlikely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoxFanForever Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Please dont take what im going to say in the wrong way. Dont invest a lot of time or thought into the relationship, atleast initially. I was in almost the exact same situation as you about a year ago. I was 22 she was 19, strict religious parents, i was driving 40 miles from schaumburg to Aurora on top of that to see her. You will probably struggle to deal with a younger less mature girl along with controlling parents who wont let you be alone much. I would advise being very casual in dating her and not expecting a lot from it. Sorry for the pessimism, just my take after a similar situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosMediasBlancas Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Give it up, not worth it. You're too young to be struggling like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteSoxFan1 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(SoxFanForever @ May 22, 2007 -> 04:07 PM) Please dont take what im going to say in the wrong way. Dont invest a lot of time or thought into the relationship, atleast initially. I was in almost the exact same situation as you about a year ago. I was 22 she was 19, strict religious parents, i was driving 40 miles from schaumburg to Aurora on top of that to see her. You will probably struggle to deal with a younger less mature girl along with controlling parents who wont let you be alone much. I would advise being very casual in dating her and not expecting a lot from it. Sorry for the pessimism, just my take after a similar situation. Sounds very similar. Im driving about 25 minutes. Ofcourse, and no offense, you know when your in the situation yourself, you dont want to hear this kind of stuff, but im definatly keeping it in mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(LosMediasBlancas @ May 22, 2007 -> 11:09 AM) Give it up, not worth it. You're too young to be struggling like this. ^^. Find a new gal better suited to your lifestyle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 STEFF'S BACK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wedge Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(LosMediasBlancas @ May 22, 2007 -> 10:09 AM) Give it up, not worth it. You're too young to be struggling like this. I'm going to second this. If you want to go the "bad boy" route that Rock suggested, you're probably gonna get hosed in the end. Either you end up breaking up and it wasn't really worth the trouble or else you end up getting married and her parents already hate you. The better strategy, if you actually care about this girl, would be to try to win her parents over. It sounds dumb and all, but show them you're a good guy. I dunno, offer to mow their lawn or help around their house. Let Ma and Pa get to know you a bit. I'm guessing that the big problem in this case is that they don't know you, rather than being super-religious. As they get more comfortable with you, I'm sure you'll notice that they'll let their daughter do more and more with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(Brian @ May 22, 2007 -> 11:15 AM) STEFF'S BACK! Don't worry... I'm just making a quick pit stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigSqwert Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(Steff @ May 22, 2007 -> 11:14 AM) ^^. Find a new gal better suited to your lifestyle. Indeed. Why waste your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsideirish71 Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 (edited) QUOTE(Wedge @ May 22, 2007 -> 11:16 AM) I'm going to second this. If you want to go the "bad boy" route that Rock suggested, you're probably gonna get hosed in the end. Either you end up breaking up and it wasn't really worth the trouble or else you end up getting married and her parents already hate you. The better strategy, if you actually care about this girl, would be to try to win her parents over. It sounds dumb and all, but show them you're a good guy. I dunno, offer to mow their lawn or help around their house. Let Ma and Pa get to know you a bit. I'm guessing that the big problem in this case is that they don't know you, rather than being super-religious. As they get more comfortable with you, I'm sure you'll notice that they'll let their daughter do more and more with you. Right now you are looking at this girl, and your heart goes pitter patter. Just like everyone on this board has had for someone at some point. She is 17 years old. When her parents look at her, they do not see a 17 year old soon to be woman. They see the little girl in pig tails that wore a communion dress. You are not going to be able to reason with her parents. If I was her parents, I would be asking me what the hell is my 17 year old daughter getting all serious with a guy. In a few years she will be 21 and will have a different focus in life, she will be a different person at 25, and at 30. Take a girl out, and both of you have fun. If there are these life altering complications and worry at this point, you really will have problems. It shouldn't be this hard. Its been a week. If after a week you are having these types of problems. Good lord. Just move on. You are 20 years old. Find a girl, and ask her out for Friday. Then find another girl and ask her out for Saturday. Date a bunch of people, find out what you like and what you dont like in them and have fun. Why anyone would want to get super serious with anyone before they are 21 and are hitting the bars is beyond me. Wait till you start going to the clubs, you will find all sorts of barely dressed girls to fall in love with on a nightly basis. Edited May 22, 2007 by southsideirish71 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteSoxFan1 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(southsideirish71 @ May 22, 2007 -> 04:56 PM) Right now you are looking at this girl, and your heart goes pitter patter. Just like everyone on this board has had for someone at some point. You cant imagine life without her. She is 17 years old. When her parents look at her, they do not see a 17 year old soon to be woman. They see the little girl in pig tails that wore a communion dress. You are not going to be able to reason with her parents. If I was her parents, I would be asking me what the hell is my 17 year old daughter getting all serious with a guy. In a few years she will be 21 and will have a different focus in life, she will be a different person at 25, and at 30. Take a girl out, and both of you have fun. If there are these life altering complications and worry at this point, you really will have problems. It shouldn't be this hard. If it gets too goofy, move on. very nice prespective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyWhiteSox Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 smash and dash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockRaines Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 QUOTE(SleepyWhiteSox @ May 22, 2007 -> 12:22 PM) smash and dash cosigned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retro1983hat Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 (edited) Well obviously you have to weed through the Neanderthals here, but here is my perspective. When I was 23 and I was dating a girl 21, she and I were both out of college but living at home. We both had younger siblings as well. This was all very difficult because I had one wild time in college and just out of college. Whoa, those were the days. Anyways, we would go away for weekend trips several times a year to get away from the living at home headache. She would never tell her parents we were away just the two of us. She would always say that a bunch of couples were going away together and shared a room. I always thought her mom appreciated her respecting her enough to lie to her about it and she was able to think that maybe we were always going to Lake Geneva with a group of friends. After dating about two years, I decided to take her on vacation and her mom flipped out. She was so mad at me and her for going away together and setting a bad example for her younger sibling. We went anyways and had a good time. Fast forward awhile and we have been happily married for almost 8 years and her mom and I get along great. On another note, we never lived together until the day after the wedding. (Although sneaking "intimate" moments did get old after a while.) I didn't want to play house. I figured marriage would be long enough without having to live together, but that was just me. Edited May 22, 2007 by retro1983hat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanOfCorn Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Dude, enjoy life. If you like this girl, just be nice to her and her parents. Don't GIVE them a reason to dislike you. If they do, then it's on them. If it's too much for you...move on. But if you think you may really like this girl, what the hell, you ARE young and have plenty of time to make up for any time with this girl. But like I said, just be nice and honest with this girl and her parents and you really can't do anything else besides that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heads22 Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Depends if she's the girl in your sig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southsider2k5 Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Weren't you the same person who asked for dating advice on here a couple of months ago about a sticky situation involving a girl who would probably go back to her old ex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YASNY Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 1. Just be yourself. 2. Go with your gut. 3. Stop asking for dating advice from strangers on a message board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capn12 Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 That mean I can't come to you for advice anymore YASNY? /sadface Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mreye Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Don't waste your time. You're not good enough for her if you can't show a little respect for her parents or her parents' beliefs. 10 years from now you'll look back and realize how immature you were being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steff Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 QUOTE(mreye @ May 23, 2007 -> 06:56 AM) Don't waste your time. You're not good enough for her if you can't show a little respect for her parents or her parents' beliefs. 10 years from now you'll look back and realize how immature you were being. Good daddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteSoxFan1 Posted May 23, 2007 Author Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) How am I being immature? Her life is ran like a goddamn concentration camp. no lie She is litterally controlled by them, and its kind of sad to watch because she doesnt know any other way so she doesnt even know how messed up it really is. Forget hanging out with me, they wouldnt even let her go to a party with her best friend on friday, or go to a wnba game with her friend tomorrow, whos a female. Seriously, this girl is being deprived of so much. Edited May 23, 2007 by WhiteSoxFan1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHatSoxFan Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 i wouldnt say missing a WNBA is being deprived of anything except for maybe the obvious fundamentals of the women since they can't dunk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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