Eloping - a marriage/maturity question

[sox4lifeinPA]

I know I'm "retired" from all of this soxtalk stuff but I am bored at work today and this question was on my mind.

 

I have two friends that have been dating about 2 years now. The guy is 21 and will be graduating in Dec; the girl, 22, has just graduated. Neither of which have full time jobs right now, and he plans on "being in graduate school as an english/writing student" which he'll "definitely be paid for"

 

1) Do you think it is wise for them to elope, because "they don't have the money for a big ceremony?"

 

2) Do you think it is selfish to elope (assuming you're not 35+ and/or in some other obvious non-traditional situation) and not include friends and family?

 

3) Do you think it's appropriate to then have a later reception paid for by someone else, which will surely invite people to bring gifts regardless of the "please don't bring gifts" note on the invitations?

 

 

 

I'm just curious if I'm being overly protective of these friends. anyone? thoughts?

[DrunkBomber]

1. I wouldnt say its wise but I think its their decision

 

2. I definitely dont think its selfish

 

3. I think its appropriate, if someone wants them to have a ceremony and pay for it I think it would be almost rude to decline.

[Jenksismyhero]

I know I'm "retired" from all of this soxtalk stuff but I am bored at work today and this question was on my mind.

 

I have two friends that have been dating about 2 years now. The guy is 21 and will be graduating in Dec; the girl, 22, has just graduated. Neither of which have full time jobs right now, and he plans on "being in graduate school as an english/writing student" which he'll "definitely be paid for"

 

1) Do you think it is wise for them to elope, because "they don't have the money for a big ceremony?"

 

2) Do you think it is selfish to elope (assuming you're not 35+ and/or in some other obvious non-traditional situation) and not include friends and family?

 

3) Do you think it's appropriate to then have a later reception paid for by someone else, which will surely invite people to bring gifts regardless of the "please don't bring gifts" note on the invitations?

I'm just curious if I'm being overly protective of these friends. anyone? thoughts?

 

Why can't they just wait? My gf and I have been dating for close to 5 years now and have put off plans of marriage until we're both finished with school (december baby!). Obviously she's cool about this, which some women aren't.

 

The more we keep talking about marriage, the more I think something like that is selfish. We want to do a travel wedding, which is essentially the same as eloping in this context. But only the closest of family will be able to attend and the rest will only have a reception to go to. I think ultimately grandparents and aunts/uncles feel left out. I know my grandparents would be really angry if we traveled some where and got married without them there to see it. I think it's a whole family event.

[southsider2k5]

I think they will look back and regret eloping. We waited until we could afford a nice wedding, and even then did a lot of stuff ourselves to keep costs under control.

 

I don't think it is selfish at all. This is their day, and no one elses. Whatever they feel comfortable with, they should do.

 

I think a celebration afterwards is fine as long as it includes a "no gift" request.

[RockRaines]

I dont think its selfish, I plan on hving something tiny at a destination somewhere. I personally think Huge weddings are a bit selfish as some people want more gifts and some people just love being the center of attention for a day.

[sox4lifeinPA]

I dont think its selfish, I plan on hving something tiny at a destination somewhere. I personally think Huge weddings are a bit selfish as some people want more gifts and some people just love being the center of attention for a day.

 

 

I think it depends on the couple. some couples are really worth celebrating and others aren't. I won't celebrate with this couple because they're not showing patience or maturity. I think weddings are paradoxical. It's completely about the bride and groom in one sense, while it's completely about the family and friends celebrating. I think it's selfish to take it to either extreme. It should be a celebration that allows the couple to express themselves and be comfortable, while giving family and friends a place to shower them with gifts and praise.

 

That's my opinion.

 

miss PA and I should have eloped 2 years ago, but it was more mature for us to wait and finish school and get good jobs. not everyone has to fit inside the same paradigm, but rushing something like this (especially for the girl who's parental situation is FUBAR) seems like a disaster in the making.

[Controlled Chaos]

I dont think its selfish, I plan on hving something tiny at a destination somewhere. I personally think Huge weddings are a bit selfish as some people want more gifts and some people just love being the center of attention for a day.

 

 

I'd say large families are behind most big weddings and rarely do you ever get back what you put in so more people isn't about more gifts per se.

 

I would say the only selfish thing would be is if you had a destination wedding and then expected everyone to shell out the money to come.

Edited May 25, 2007 by Controlled Chaos

[Chisoxfn]

I know I'm "retired" from all of this soxtalk stuff but I am bored at work today and this question was on my mind.

 

I have two friends that have been dating about 2 years now. The guy is 21 and will be graduating in Dec; the girl, 22, has just graduated. Neither of which have full time jobs right now, and he plans on "being in graduate school as an english/writing student" which he'll "definitely be paid for"

 

1) Do you think it is wise for them to elope, because "they don't have the money for a big ceremony?"

 

2) Do you think it is selfish to elope (assuming you're not 35+ and/or in some other obvious non-traditional situation) and not include friends and family?

 

3) Do you think it's appropriate to then have a later reception paid for by someone else, which will surely invite people to bring gifts regardless of the "please don't bring gifts" note on the invitations?

I'm just curious if I'm being overly protective of these friends. anyone? thoughts?

Wise, maybe maybe not (just depending on whether they are ready for marriage). As far as selfish, I think its ridiculous that some people expect some huge fabulous amazing wedding ceremony. They can clearly alope as it would be far smarter given there limited finances.

 

And as far as 3, again I don't see a problem celebrating something at a later date.

[sox4lifeinPA]

Wise, maybe maybe not (just depending on whether they are ready for marriage). As far as selfish, I think its ridiculous that some people expect some huge fabulous amazing wedding ceremony. They can clearly alope as it would be far smarter given there limited finances.

 

And as far as 3, again I don't see a problem celebrating something at a later date.

 

 

why elope? that word means "escape or flee"....if you're escaping not having $$, why not have a nice picnic in the park with a short ceremony? I think it's selfish justification to get married sooner to enjoy the sex that this Christian couple is frustrated they're not having.

 

no one is expecting a huge lavish wedding...I personally think spending much more than 10k is a horrible use of money...but again, that's an imaginary line.

[Y2HH]

In modern America, 21 is quite a young age to get married, especially considering how this country no longer takes marriage seriously, something I find very sad.

 

Meh.

[RockRaines]

In modern America, 21 is quite a young age to get married, especially considering how this country no longer takes marriage seriously, something I find very sad.

 

Meh.

30 is the new 21 from my experience.

[FlaSoxxJim]

why elope? that word means "escape or flee"

 

The Online Etymology Dictionary notes that the connotation of "elope" as "lovers who run from parents to marry secretly" only dates back to the 19th century. In fact, the oldest Germanic words for "wedding" are the root words to the term "elope," e.g. the Old English word brydlop (cf. O.H.G. bruthlauft, O.N. bruðhlaup), which literally mean "bridal run" and merely refers to the conducting of the new bride by the groom to her new home.

 

That said, if your friends want to elope they certainly should. Of course, if they are doing it so they can have sex sooner they should just skip the wedding and have the sex.

 

btw, nice to see you around here and there, PA. I've lost track, is your own marital status about to change for the better?

 

 

30 is the new 21 from my experience.

 

Dammit, that's what I kept trying to tell the black jack dealer in Atlantic City, but she wouldn't listen and kept taking my money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sox4lifeinPA]

The Online Etymology Dictionary notes that the connotation of "elope" as "lovers who run from parents to marry secretly" only dates back to the 19th century. In fact, the oldest Germanic words for "wedding" are the root words to the term "elope," e.g. the Old English word brydlop (cf. O.H.G. bruthlauft, O.N. bruðhlaup), which literally mean "bridal run" and merely refers to the conducting of the new bride by the groom to her new home.

 

That said, if your friends want to elope they certainly should. Of course, if they are doing it so they can have sex sooner they should just skip the wedding and have the sex.

 

btw, nice to see you around here and there, PA. I've lost track, is your own marital status about to change for the better?

Dammit, that's what I kept trying to tell the black jack dealer in Atlantic City, but she wouldn't listen and kept taking my money.

 

 

I'm getting married June 24th. Finally. It will be a celebration of celebrations.

[Texsox]

I'm getting married June 24th. Finally. It will be a celebration of celebrations.

My invitation seems to be lost in the mail . . .

[sox4lifeinPA]

My invitation seems to be lost in the mail . . .

 

 

I'll be coming to San An-tone in December...we can kick back some shiner's and you can meet this Mrs.

[Texsox]

I'll be coming to San An-tone in December...we can kick back some shiner's and you can meet this Mrs.

 

I'd rather meet the other Mrs

[LosMediasBlancas]

I don't understand not telling family and friends. The only people who elope are 16 years girls who got knocked up by their 24 year old, meth head neighbor. That way when the parents find out and demand that she never see him again, ooops too late.

 

They can have a small dinner at someone's house for the family and closest friends. A wedding doesn't have to be huge or expensive.

 

I've never known of anyone to have a recepetion a year or two after the ceremony. I've known a few people who THOUGHT they'd have one a year or two later, but they realized the money could be used more wisely. Besides if this reception can be paid for by someone else later, whhy not have that person pay for it sooner?

[sox4lifeinPA]

I'd rather meet the other Mrs

 

 

did you change that or was I just a moron?

 

 

I'll bring the Mrs...but she'll sit far away from your dirty texas self.