Tell your best

[FoxySoxGirl]

Everyone's had their share of bad break-ups and crazy ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Need some comic relief here!! Spill your best stories about insane people you've dated that you're almost embarassed to say you did

 

Here's a good short one to start off: My ex is a compulsive liar. He denied the fact that he has a 7 year old daughter for the last 2 years to myself and his now ex-girlfriend....classy...who does that?! He also claims he pays child support, although not likely.

[DrunkBomber]

Everyone's had their share of bad break-ups and crazy ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Need some comic relief here!! Spill your best stories about insane people you've dated that you're almost embarassed to say you did

 

Here's a good short one to start off: My ex is a compulsive liar. He denied the fact that he has a 7 year old daughter for the last 2 years to myself and his now ex-girlfriend....classy...who does that?! He also claims he pays child support, although not likely.

I would add to this thread but I think it violates the ground rules of my restraining order

[3E8]

I don't have one of my own, but there is a great story that happened to my friend. He broke up with this real clingy girl after she moved to Houston. She immediately drove all the way to my buddy's house in Austin right after the breakup. A bunch of us were hanging out at his house and out of nowhere we see her staring at us from the deck outside, it was freaky like a horror movie. My friend opens the sliding door to let her in and ask what the hell she is doing. She grabs his laptop off the kitchen table, raises it above her head and says, "do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?". He says, "the easy way I guess, put down my computer". After this I see her place the laptop back down where it was, grab some black object out of her pocket, and proceed to pepper-spray the f*** out of my buddy's eyes and face area in general. He fell to the ground, she pounced on him screaming obsenities, and moments later a bunch of us grab the b**** and kick her ass out of there. Unfortunately she wasn't done, she grabbed a planter and chucked it at his truck, leaving a massive dent. I had and most likely will never see a crazier event as the result of a breakup.

[WhiteSoxfan1986]

I don't have one of my own, but there is a great story that happened to my friend. He broke up with this real clingy girl after she moved to Houston. She immediately drove all the way to my buddy's house in Austin right after the breakup. A bunch of us were hanging out at his house and out of nowhere we see her staring at us from the deck outside, it was freaky like a horror movie. My friend opens the sliding door to let her in and ask what the hell she is doing. She grabs his laptop off the kitchen table, raises it above her head and says, "do you want to do this the easy way, or the hard way?". He says, "the easy way I guess, put down my computer". After this I see her place the laptop back down where it was, grab some black object out of her pocket, and proceed to pepper-spray the f*** out of my buddy's eyes and face area in general. He fell to the ground, she pounced on him screaming obsenities, and moments later a bunch of us grab the b**** and kick her ass out of there. Unfortunately she wasn't done, she grabbed a planter and chucked it at his truck, leaving a massive dent. I had and most likely will never see a crazier event as the result of a breakup.

 

Please tell me you called the cops.

[Jordan4life_2007]

Please tell me you called the cops.

 

I love crazy females. Fatal Attraction is my all-time favorite movie. I once had a girl follow me to ISU, and I live in Hanover Park. It spooked me out at that the time. But when I think about it now, man, it was hot!

[santo=dorf]

One of the guys in my fantasy league's buddy found out his girlfriend was cheating on him with JEFF GARCIA, so he went to his house in Cleveland and punched him out.

[Kid Gleason]

I had a girl leave me for Nivek Ogre from Skinny Puppy. I found it funny at the time. She asked if I was going to put up a fight for her. I said "nah, you're not worth it".

 

I also had a girl dump me because I wouldn't "party" with her. The following week she was at a party with a guy, making out, and she proceeded to puke in his mouth. Turns out I was right not to party with her.

Edited June 14, 2007 by Kid Gleason

[Kyyle23]

I had a girl leave me for Nivek Ogre from Skinny Puppy. I found it funny at the time. She asked if I was going to put up a fight for her. I said "nah, you're not worth it".

 

I also had a girl dump me because I wouldn't "party" with her. The following week she was at a party with a guy, making out, and she proceeded to puke in his mouth. Turns out I was right not to party with her.

 

"awww tastes like shellfish sandwich...."

 

Sounds like divine intervention Kid. Sometimes the best "party" is the one you dont attend

[thedoctor]

not really a funny story, but one i enjoyed.

 

a real point of contention between my ex-wife and i was my work schedule. i worked at a newspaper and mostly had night and weekend hours. she rode me endlessly about it, even as i was the only one providing for the family.

 

i finally had a new prospect come up, that not only had regular hours, but also better pay and a decently high profile. but i had to wait until the guy filling that job found a new one. i told my ex about it and she was skeptical to the point of making fun of me when i brought up the prospect.

 

finally, things came to a head between us. we separated. two weeks later i got that job.

[BobDylan]

Eh, not great, but one time I tried to break-up with a girl at the local park once. She proceeded to cry, demand that I give her a reason--which I did, I just flat out said that I didn't have feelings for her anymore (and she was a prude, which I left out)--and then she demanded to know why I didn't have feelings anymore. But I didn't know, I mean, I don't understand the cosmic bull s*** that goes on in my heart and in space and what the f*** Cupid wants. I just do what the wind tells me to do. So she she kept crying and I kept saying, "So it's over and I'm going to go home now." And it was new ground for me to step on so I stood there like an idiot and waited for her acceptance instead of just high tailing it out there and letting her deal with the pain herself. But I never got the acceptance, just more questions I couldn't answer like, "How do you know you won't have feelings for me tomorrow?"

 

So finally when I really didn't know what to do, I said, "Okay, we won't break up." And then she said some bull s*** like, "You're not going to just dump me a week later, are you?" Of course I said no, and when I got home, I went online and dumped her on AOL Instant Messanger. That way I couldn't see her cry and that way I could say, "Listen, I'm not giving you any answers. I don't care. I don't want to care. So it's over. Bye." And not get slapped.

 

Needless to say, we don't talk any more.

[CanOfCorn]

Not funny at the time, but kinda funny now.

 

My college roommate was dating this girl two years younger than him. They had been dating since high school. Finally, when we were juniors and had an apartment, she started as a freshman. So, after two years, they were FINALLY together.

 

We move into our new apartment on a Sunday and classes started on Thursday. Thursday morning, at 8AM (!!!) my roommate knocks on my door and comes in crying. I'm still wiping the sleep out of my eyes when he lays this gem on me,

 

"I just saw (ex-girlfriends name here) on my way to class."

"Yeah...and...?" I say.

"She was walking home. (sob) She's doing the walk of (sob) shame."

 

GOO! Needless to say, they got back together, she promptly cheated on him again and that was that. Not funny watching my friend cry, but funny now because, well...IT WAS COLLEGE!!! Who cares?

[The Ginger Kid]

I broke up with a girl in college who simply refused to accept it. She denied it to anyone who asked and went so far as to show up at my fraternity formal all dolled up and wearing a gown. Just showed up out of nowhere. I had a date who saw her come in. She freaked and split, tossing a beer in my face. My buddies got a kick out of that one. Me, not so much.

[BobDylan]

Not funny at the time, but kinda funny now.

 

My college roommate was dating this girl two years younger than him. They had been dating since high school. Finally, when we were juniors and had an apartment, she started as a freshman. So, after two years, they were FINALLY together.

 

We move into our new apartment on a Sunday and classes started on Thursday. Thursday morning, at 8AM (!!!) my roommate knocks on my door and comes in crying. I'm still wiping the sleep out of my eyes when he lays this gem on me,

 

"I just saw (ex-girlfriends name here) on my way to class."

"Yeah...and...?" I say.

"She was walking home. (sob) She's doing the walk of (sob) shame."

 

GOO! Needless to say, they got back together, she promptly cheated on him again and that was that. Not funny watching my friend cry, but funny now because, well...IT WAS COLLEGE!!! Who cares?

 

Enlighten me, what is the walk of shame?

[SoxAce]

Ah sooo many unfortunitely but I'll go to the most recent and tell it simple and to the point. I dated this girl for about 6-7 months and right off the bat things didn't work out. We always tried the "opposites attract" type thing but we were just too opposite. From my whitesox fan, loves sports go party/outdoor type ways to her cub fan loves ballet stay indoors type girl. We made it work for quite a while and both made sacrifices but god damn it just couldn't work out. I broke the news and she was sad/pissed all rolled up in one. She told all her friends that I was a cheater, liar, and crazy. She actually told her father to kick my ass because she told him I beat her. Luckaly only her mother was as crazy as she was. I stopped dating for almost a year after that.

[thedoctor]

Enlighten me, what is the walk of shame?

 

i believe it is the early morning walk on a campus when you are wearing what you had on the night before, possessing JBF hair, and generally giving off the impression of someone who just spent the night at someone else's house.

[Gene Honda Civic]

There was a very short story here.

Edited June 15, 2007 by Gene Honda Civic

[Mr. Showtime]

You we're the one getting married, Cheat?

[FlaSoxxJim]

Enlighten me, what is the walk of shame?

 

Walk of Shame = morning sun is shining + birds are chirping + normal folk are all heading off to their early classes + there's that one girl wearing dark glasses, disheveled hair and the short skirt and high heels she had on the night before walking home to her dorm from the dorm/apartment/frat house of whatever dude she hooked up with the night before.

 

And a technical note is in order here. Dudes cannot do the Walk of Shame. When dudes do it, it's a Walk of Pride – albeit, sometimes punctuated by trips to the nearest shrubbery to puke.

 

[IlliniKrush]

They could, however, be holding their clothes from the night before in one hand/under the arm and have frat hoody/warmup pants and flip flops on. Look out for those, as they are trying to get away with the walk of shame without you knowing.

 

One day when we had to leave for hockey on a saturday at 8am my friend laid this gem on one of them walking by the dorms... "Hey there's a condom in your hair!!"

 

This girl was speechless and her jaw dropped, knowing she just got pwned.

[RockRaines]

you all are going to have bad relationship karma for posting this. Im just sayin....

 

And a technical note is in order here. Dudes cannot do the Walk of Shame. When dudes do it, it's a Walk of Pride – albeit, sometimes punctuated by trips to the nearest shrubbery to puke.

 

You can catch me downtown on sundays once in awhile. I prefer the bus ride of pride.

[Kid Gleason]

I had a buddy who got dumped by a girl. He went out that night, stole a car, and then parked it in her driveway. Guess who the cops took to the police station?

[maggliopipe]

Back in high school I had been boning this chick from work for about a year or so. She was ok (tigobitties) but she had a reeeeeally strange upbringing with regard to church/school/family/other. This made her appealing because she was a frickin weirdo and also made her a disaster because uhh she was a frickin weirdo. I was really scared of her, but ya know she was like the first so you assume that that's how it's supposed to be. Anyway, for whatever reason I decided I'd had enough of this crazy b****.

 

I graduated high school on I guess a Sunday and on the following Monday I was going to Japan for a few weeks. Not having the testicular fortitude to dump her I took the lowest of roads and just completely cut off communication with her. No visit, no phone call, no email, no IM, no letter, nothing. Of course since I was halfway across the world, there was no way for her to get a hold of me. My hope was that she'd simmer down by the time I got back and not stab me or anything. It was the easiest thing to do but man, that was a serious dick move. It worked out in the end because I am not dead. As a bonus, I hear she sucks at life now.

[FoxySoxGirl]

I love them all!! So glad this thread was started...although more seem to be about crazy girls than guys. I'll even the amount and throw in a couple more about my ex:

 

Lie: He told all his new friends that he quit law school after 3 months because he was getting straight A's and was bored with it.

Truth: He droped out just before he failed out

 

Lie: He told me he was given a raise at his old job because they loved him so much and didn't want to lose him. He claimed he just lost interest in working there and quit.

Truth: He was fired because he was lying about the # of tenants that moved out and when rent wasn't flowing in the company caught on and canned him.

 

[southsideirish71]

I will try to keep this as clean as I can, but it will be hard.

 

My ex-fiancee a liar, a cheat, and it turns out a demon from hell was banging her boss, probably everyone else also. She stole some money from me. ***TIP TO ALL*** Make sure that you make your financial decisions based on sanity, not how flexible or depraved your fiancee is. Well after catching her in the act, I found out that she had stolen a good amount of money. So I hatched this plan, of trying to get my money back. I would pretend to be with her, and then act nice and convince her to get my money back. Stupid yes, but with a funny ending. After a month of being nice I realized that the demon wasn't going to give me my money without legal help. So I hatched a good plan to give her a romantic day of fun. I took her to the lake, we had a romantic picnic and the day was very nice. I took her home, and told her I still loved her and wanted her to be the mother of my children. She was touched. Very touched it seemed. I fended off the sex, talk about hard to do, but I was worried about the slim chance of pregnancy. So she still wanted to take care of me, and she did. And in her blinded state(you figure out why) afterwards, I told her that I was leaving. She screamed, and stumbled trying to get her vision back, you had me do that dirty act and then you told me you wanted to break up. I laughed and said well, I had to remember you for what you are. A foul and dirty whore. It was very appropriate the state I had left her. I told her she had until 5 o'clock tomorrow to get her s*** out or I was having it sold.

 

She wound up marrying some goof after 2 months of dating him.

 

It took me a while after to find someone worth trusting.

Edited June 14, 2007 by southsideirish71

[MHizzle85]

I will try to keep this as clean as I can, but it will be hard.

 

My ex-fiancee a liar, a cheat, and it turns out a demon from hell was banging her boss, probably everyone else also. She stole some money from me. ***TIP TO ALL*** Make sure that you make your financial decisions based on sanity, not how flexible or depraved your fiancee is. Well after catching her in the act, I found out that she had stolen a good amount of money. So I hatched this plan, of trying to get my money back. I would pretend to be with her, and then act nice and convince her to get my money back. Stupid yes, but with a funny ending. After a month of being nice I realized that the demon wasn't going to give me my money without legal help. So I hatched a good plan to give her a romantic day of fun. I took her to the lake, we had a romantic picnic and the day was very nice. I took her home, and told her I still loved her and wanted her to be the mother of my children. She was touched. Very touched it seemed. I fended off the sex, talk about hard to do, but I was worried about the slim chance of pregnancy. So she still wanted to take care of me, and she did. And in her blinded state(you figure out why) afterwards, I told her that I was leaving. She screamed, and stumbled trying to get her vision back, you had me do that dirty act and then you told me you wanted to break up. I laughed and said well, I had to remember you for what you are. A foul and dirty whore. It was very appropriate the state I had left her. I told her she had until 5 o'clock tomorrow to get her s*** out or I was having it sold.

 

She wound up marrying some goof after 2 months of dating him.

 

It took me a while after to find someone worth trusting.

 

Best one yet.