Bash.org

[Gregory Pratt]

Anyone ever been?

Basically, people submit short, funny chat transcripts, get approved or rejected, and then they get put up. Some of my most recent (ie: today) favorites,

 

heh, i made up 'heh'

That's a pretty outrageous claim.

i've being sayin it since 96

 

"Too few women on the internet?

There are lots of women on the internet,

only most of them are naked and in JPG-format."

 

I love you.

I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to doubt.

My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's cheating on you.

 

Now if I had to follow a religion it would be whatever them clapping black people follow.

That looks fun.

 

(I know that last one's pretty risque, but it's still rather funny. I don't think it's too line-crossing, though, but if a mod has issue, please delete that)

 

I remember when my mom first got on the internet, about 2 years ago. She *almost* had it figured out.

she managed to use a search engine, and found a web page she was interested in.

so she printed it out, stuck it in an envelope, and _mailed_ it to me so I could see it too.

Nugget94M: hehe, i guess she didnt know about email?

she knew about email. it just never dawned on her that she could mail the url.

 

my friend use to put his cat in a pillowcase and throw it down the stairs when we were little. the cat's name was Oscar. i use to to call him Oscar the grouch, because he was grouchy a lot of the time.

Maybe he was grouchy because you f***ing threw it down the stairs in a pillowcase, genius.

 

(that's pretty bad)

 

people who eat people

are the hungriest people

 

and maybe my favorite because it's so so so ridiculous,

 

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me b****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

--------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

[DrunkBomber]

this one made me laugh

 

1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A

2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B

3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business

Reply Mail Envelope.

4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold

in your hand.

5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away

whistling.

I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies

telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather

then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that

they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says

Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your

business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.

Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an

added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope

so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about

the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After

yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my

demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this

very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

[EvilMonkey]

this one made me laugh

 

1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A

2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B

3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business

Reply Mail Envelope.

4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold

in your hand.

5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away

whistling.

I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies

telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather

then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that

they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says

Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your

business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.

Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an

added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope

so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about

the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After

yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my

demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this

very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.

I have returned the envelopes blank many times to credit card companies. Sometimes I have also put things in them. Never money, though, and I haven't ever received a call to stop. But that is still funny.

[DrunkBomber]

#778409 +(769)- [X]

 

So the other night I can't sleep, so I go downstairs and pour a bowl of cereal and decide I'll eat it in my room while I watch Conan.

After I pour my cereal, I turn the lights back off and it's pitch black as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom.

By the way, I'm only wearing a pair of silk shorts.

So I'm trying to balance my bowl of cereal in the dark so I don't spill, thinking I'm doing okay. When I reach the top of the stairs, the bowl tips and I feel it spill all over my shorts.

So I walk back downstairs to grab a rag and clean up. I find a roll of paper towels and I pick up all the cereal inside it and walk downstairs to throw it away and put my bowl in the sink.

Then I start to clean up the milk on the floor and on my shorts.

Well this is near my parents' bedroom, and as I'm cleaning, I hear them having sex. Being male, I start to get an erection at the sounds of sex, despite the fact that I know it's my parents having the sex.

So I try to tune it out and hurry up with the spilt milk. In the midst of all this, I start to have a coughing fit. A result of being a smoker.

A minute later, my mom opens her bedroom door - wrapped in a blanket - and sees me standing there with an erection bulging through my shorts, which are still wet with a seeping liquid, and a paper towel in my hand dripping white stuff, all outside her bedroom door where she and my dad were just having sex.

I've never thought seriously about running away from home until that night.

[Gregory Pratt]

That is very good.

[ChWRoCk2]

the "bishop" came to our church today

he was a f***en impostor

never once moved diagonally

 

i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

 

 

These are great haha.

[rangercal]

the "bishop" came to our church today

he was a f***en impostor

never once moved diagonally

 

i got kicked out of barnes and noble once for moving all the bibles into the fiction section

 

 

These are great haha.

Feel free to post what you want, you have that right. But that takes a stab at my beliefs, as a christian, I take offense to that.

[Heads22]

If you were on a bus full of gay guys would you get off?

yeah

wait... no

s***

[T R U]

wow

 

you guys need to get with the times, me and Tmar have been looking at bash for over 4 years now

[witesoxfan]

wow

 

you guys need to get with the times, me and Tmar have been looking at bash for over 4 years now

 

well aren't you just Mr. Cool

[knightni]

Yeah the OOTP sim guys have been there at minimum 2 1/2 years.

[Gregory Pratt]

I've been on Bash for five years, so I thought I'd share.

[Kid Gleason]

I've read the Bloodninja one somewhere before. Probably one of my favorite pieces of writing of any sort. When I read that the first time and got to the second "wizard hat" I lost it. But actually, I could swear there was more to it and Blood did that quite a few times. Either way, flat out hysterical!

[T R U]

well aren't you just Mr. Cool

 

Yes, much cooler than you

[Gregory Pratt]

Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today

Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up

Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax

Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"

Primus521: lol

Primus521: turns out he misheard him

Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs

Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face

Primus521: omfg

Primus521: til the day i die

Primus521: i will never forget it

[DrunkBomber]

I submitted my first and Im seeing if it gets approved

 

drunkbomber8282 (9:33:02 PM): remember that movie alive

Nopper1320 (9:33:14 PM): ya

drunkbomber8282 (9:33:39 PM): on real sports before the mcnabb interview they were interviewing the survivors from that

drunkbomber8282 (9:33:51 PM): I forgot about that

drunkbomber8282 (9:34:02 PM): they were talking about eating people and stuff

Nopper1320 (9:37:18 PM): ya i thought the movie was ok, it would have been better if they ate the people alive

Nopper1320 (9:37:26 PM): did they interview any of the people they ate

drunkbomber8282 (9:37:39 PM): they asked one some questions but he didnt answer

drunkbomber8282 (9:37:55 PM): I think he was pissed that they chose to eat him when there were dead people they could have eaten

drunkbomber8282 (9:38:09 PM): now Im reading about it on wikipedia

drunkbomber8282 (9:38:15 PM): it is pretty interesting

drunkbomber8282 (9:39:05 PM): do you remember how old those people were

Nopper1320 (9:39:15 PM): no

Nopper1320 (9:39:18 PM): mid 20s

drunkbomber8282 (9:39:18 PM): I thought they were older

drunkbomber8282 (9:39:29 PM): 18-23 mostly but a few older ones

Nopper1320 (9:39:32 PM): i think it was a rugby team?

drunkbomber8282 (9:39:32 PM): ya

drunkbomber8282 (9:39:57 PM): I would have beer bonged a dead person at that age

Nopper1320 (9:40:10 PM): prove it

Edited September 20, 2007 by DrunkBomber

[knightni]

meh.

[DrunkBomber]

meh.

Ive been wanting to submit one for a while and its hard to come up with anything worthy without scripting it. Its certainly not great but its better than some of the other ones I suppose.

[knightni]

So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates. Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they tripped…sure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide it’d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they’d be of more use.

lol k

Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself. Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is “this f***ing town is full of gremlins!”… They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied “I knew you’d say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom…”

lol?

as you’d expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed…they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open…

and??

...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.

lol dude that's f***ed up

The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof…

lol god man

anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying “hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah” lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.

 

 

[DrunkBomber]

So a friend of mine got back from Amsterdam a few months back, after spending a stint there with a bunch of his mates. Told me quite possibly one of the funniest stories I’ve heard. They had picked up some shrooms and acid, and decided to take it in the wee hours of the morning, and spend the day exploring the city while they tripped…sure enough 20min into it, one of the group vanishes. So, after 7 or so hours of struggling to search for their lost friend, they decide it’d be best to head back to their hotel, sober up, regroup, and go looking when the gears worn off and they’d be of more use.

lol k

Anyway, upon arrival at the hotel, surprise suprise they find their friend standing in the lobby, dazed and staring at the ceiling muttering to himself. Understandably they were all pissed off with him for making them worry and bringing their trip down as a result of their half assed search. However all the friend can reply with is “this f***ing town is full of gremlins!”… They tried to calm him down and tell him that it was the acid making him hallucinate, to which he replied “I knew you’d say that so I captured one and locked it in the bathroom…”

lol?

as you’d expect they thought he was losing the plot, but he insisted they come to his room and look for themselves. So, they head to the room, and sure enough, the bathroom door is baracaded shut with chairs, lamps, mattress and the bed…they're getting a little worried now, so they cautiously move the furniture away and inch the door open…

and??

...Laying on the floor is a 10 year old kid with Down syndrome grinning ear to ear.

lol dude that's f***ed up

The mate had come across one of those outing groups or retarded kids - freaked out, balled up one of those poor little bastards carried him back to the room and locked him in the bathroom for proof…

lol god man

anyway, luckily the kid had one of those ID cards saying “hi my name is Ted, I live at blah blah” lol so yea, took the poor kid to the lobby, called the cops and did a runner before they arrived lol.

I obviously cant compete with that

[Texsox]

wow

 

you guys need to get with the times, me and Tmar have been looking at bash for over 4 years now

 

I guess you are saying that you and Tmar are "on the bus"?

[T R U]

I guess you are saying that you and Tmar are "on the bus"?

 

Not gonna lie, I have no idea what that means.. but if its good, you betcha

[DrunkBomber]

I guess you are saying that you and Tmar are "on the bus"?

canIbus?

[Heads22]

There's some that me and Wite could submit involving Gage.

 

I don't even know what nambla is

something to do with black people I spose

 

Boz, Greasy and I (and maybe SnB) then have a conversation with Gage about nambla and him continuing to think its an organization that advances black people.