Texsox Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 MANAUS, BRAZIL—An international team of scientists conducting research in the Amazon River Basin announced the discovery of a formerly unknown primate species inhabiting a remote jungle area roughly 300 miles from Manaus Monday. According to scientists in Manaus, the new species, Ateles saporis, is "an amazing biological find" and "incredibly delectable." Enlarge Image A member of Ateles saporis, which scientists say tastes excellent broiled (below). "We couldn't be more thrilled!" German researcher Dr. Jerome Keller told reporters Tuesday. "Very few scientists are lucky enough to discover a new species, let alone a mammal with a palatability on par with a tender, juicy steak." "This is a seriously tasty creature," Keller added. Although the creature resembles a large kitten, as a member of the Ateles genus, it is more closely related to wooly and spider monkeys. Ateles saporis, informally known as the delicacy ape, is a tree-dwelling herbivore that can measure up to a meter from head to tail. The adult delicacy ape weighs between 35 and 40 pounds and tastes wonderful with a currant glaze. Keller said the new species boasts a gular sac, a distinctive trait that separates it from other species in the Ateles genus. "The gular sac is a throat pouch that can be inflated, allowing the animal to make loud calls that resonate through the treetops," Keller said. "More importantly, the pouch can be stuffed with nuts or dried fruits prior to roasting." Biologist Jeanette Bransky, who served as the research team's chief archivist, presented a series of slides showing delicacy apes cavorting in trees, caring for their young, and sitting thinly sliced on a platter next to roasted red potatoes. "After careful study, we have determined that Ateles saporis is a very insulated species," Bransky said. "All of their food needs are met in the treetops. They're docile, affectionate creatures with a non-competitive social structure. They often sit grooming each other for hours on end, which explains why their meat is so marbled and tender." More at Link Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 You just can't beat Onion animal stories. Here's one of my old favorites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 10:47 AM) You just can't beat Onion animal stories. Here's one of my old favorites. Onion Laughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balta1701 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 08:47 AM) You just can't beat Onion animal stories. Here's one of my old favorites. My all-time favorite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(Balta1701 @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 12:16 PM) My all-time favorite. Yikes. Pretty dang prophetic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(Balta1701 @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 11:16 AM) My all-time favorite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasonxctf Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 quick, ask the onion who's going to win the world series in 2014. i need to make a bet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AssHatSoxFan Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Always One of My Faves Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr_genius Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(AssHatSoxFan @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 01:54 PM) Always One of My Faves "The three-liter didn't fail because it was too big, but because it was not big enough," Coca-Cola CEO Vic Hertner said. "With our new 30-liter size, that won't be a problem." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Best Onion Animal Story Ever! "I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy fµ*k.'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 QUOTE(FlaSoxxJim @ Nov 26, 2007 -> 02:48 PM) Best Onion Animal Story Ever! "I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy fµ*k.'" That's evolution for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Here's a recent one destined to be a classic, though it's prokaryotes and not animals: Species of Blue-Green Algae Announces IPO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Super Monkey Collider Loses Funding Scientists insist the collider is an important step toward understanding the universe, because no one can yet say for certain what kind of noises monkeys would make if collided at those high speeds. so true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces to Iraq "With Operation Great Job!, we send the message loud and clear to Saddam Hussein that his open defiance of the United Nations and international law will not be tolerated," Clinton said. "We also send the equally important message to our own troops that what's important is not whether you defeat the enemy, but that you try your best and have fun." so wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sox4lifeinPA Posted November 27, 2007 Share Posted November 27, 2007 Bassist Unaware Rock Band Christian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted November 27, 2007 Author Share Posted November 27, 2007 QUOTE(sox4lifeinPA @ Nov 27, 2007 -> 10:58 AM) Bassist Unaware Rock Band Christian Nice This has to be Jim's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts