TexSox's scary snake story

[Texsox]

I have to share this story involving a buddy of mine. He lives in a rural part of Texas on a ten acre ranch. Nice home, well constructed. A gentleman ranch if you will. Room for a couple horses that sort of thing.

 

A couple nights ago his wife and daughter fell asleep in his bed and not wanting to wake them he decided to sleep in the spare room. As he flipped on the light he noticed a stuffed animal on a file cabinet they keep in that room. Half asleep, he starts to wonder when his wife bought a stuffed snake for their daughter. As his eyes adjusted to the light, the realization that he had a live, honest to goodness, tool of the devil, serpent, coiled at "belt buckle" level in his spare room. Further making this interesting was the lovely diamond pattern of the snake. Rattlesnakes are common in south Texas ranch land, just not inside a nice home.

 

Somewhere there is some snake loving herpetologist who would just have gone to sleep and let the snake show itself out the door. If you are one of those people, stop reading now, the rest will make you cry.

 

At this point in the story I paused my friend and asked "what was in the file cabinet?"

He asked "why the hell would you care?"

I replied "well I want to know what was going to be destroyed by the shotgun blast!"

 

Anyhow, not being a snake loving herpetologist with herpetologist tools, he was poorly equipped to deal with this issue, so he headed to the kitchen for a weapon. Now I should digress for a moment. He is not a native Texan, but looks the part. In fact, this Canadian looks more the Texas cowboy than most Texas cowboys. He did have presence of mind to grab his camera while getting an 8" chef's knife. If he was a true, dyed in the wool, Texas, he would have also grabbed a beer. And living on the border, if he was true Texican, he would also also fired up the BBQ for that snake. But, back to the story.

 

As he reenters the room, he is thinking, 8" knife, three foot long snake. I'm going to have to get closer than I want. But lucky for him, the snake decided to get down and get closer. Acting quickly before the snake maneuvered into an impossible to get at corner, he took a couple quick steps and plunged the blade behind the snakes head, cleanly killing it with one cut.

 

That's when the glass breakage sensors on his security system kicked in and started the sirens.

 

That's when blood began gushing from the snake as the snake continued death reflexes pumping blood everywhere.

 

Rushing to the security system pad to silence the alarm, he was met by his wife who was very interested in her husband holding a bloody chef's knife, with the security system blaring.

 

"What the hell is happening?"

"I just killed something!"

"What?"

"I just killed something!"

"What???"

(women can be sooo slow)

"In the spare room"

 

As they reenter the spare room, the now headless snake is still wiggling, blood is pooling up, and thoughts begin to occur like "where are the other snakes" and "will they come after us" and of course, "who is going to clean up this mess"

 

So he begins the process of cleaning the room while she tries to fall back asleep with their now awake daughter who wonders why she cannot be in the room with mom and dad.

 

As he's cleaning the room, and carefully scanning the entire house looking for other snakes he notices that this one does not have rattles and was probably harmless enough. He cleans the blood, puts back the knife and goes to bed.

 

Gets up, grabs knife, places it on nightstand.

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Remember hiding place overlooked, checks that

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Realizes, if they can reach the file cabinet, can reach the bed

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Cancels Snakes On A Plane from Netflix queue

Gets about three hours sleep and begins to search for entry point

 

Searching the outside of his home, he discovers his dryer vent is stuck open. Peering inside he learns the hose connecting the dryer to the vent is disconnected. So he reconnects, using much larger screws, getting it extra tight. Now I'm thinking about the snake coming in the dryer vent. What happens if that hose did not fall off, would it stay in the dryer? Would a snake appear as I am removing the lint screen!!!!

 

Damn him, I'm having someone else do my laundry.

[NorthSideSox72]

I have to share this story involving a buddy of mine. He lives in a rural part of Texas on a ten acre ranch. Nice home, well constructed. A gentleman ranch if you will. Room for a couple horses that sort of thing.

 

A couple nights ago his wife and daughter fell asleep in his bed and not wanting to wake them he decided to sleep in the spare room. As he flipped on the light he noticed a stuffed animal on a file cabinet they keep in that room. Half asleep, he starts to wonder when his wife bought a stuffed snake for their daughter. As his eyes adjusted to the light, the realization that he had a live, honest to goodness, tool of the devil, serpent, coiled at "belt buckle" level in his spare room. Further making this interesting was the lovely diamond pattern of the snake. Rattlesnakes are common in south Texas ranch land, just not inside a nice home.

 

Somewhere there is some snake loving herpetologist who would just have gone to sleep and let the snake show itself out the door. If you are one of those people, stop reading now, the rest will make you cry.

 

At this point in the story I paused my friend and asked "what was in the file cabinet?"

He asked "why the hell would you care?"

I replied "well I want to know what was going to be destroyed by the shotgun blast!"

 

Anyhow, not being a snake loving herpetologist with herpetologist tools, he was poorly equipped to deal with this issue, so he headed to the kitchen for a weapon. Now I should digress for a moment. He is not a native Texan, but looks the part. In fact, this Canadian looks more the Texas cowboy than most Texas cowboys. He did have presence of mind to grab his camera while getting an 8" chef's knife. If he was a true, dyed in the wool, Texas, he would have also grabbed a beer. And living on the border, if he was true Texican, he would also also fired up the BBQ for that snake. But, back to the story.

 

As he reenters the room, he is thinking, 8" knife, three foot long snake. I'm going to have to get closer than I want. But lucky for him, the snake decided to get down and get closer. Acting quickly before the snake maneuvered into an impossible to get at corner, he took a couple quick steps and plunged the blade behind the snakes head, cleanly killing it with one cut.

 

That's when the glass breakage sensors on his security system kicked in and started the sirens.

 

That's when blood began gushing from the snake as the snake continued death reflexes pumping blood everywhere.

 

Rushing to the security system pad to silence the alarm, he was met by his wife who was very interested in her husband holding a bloody chef's knife, with the security system blaring.

 

"What the hell is happening?"

"I just killed something!"

"What?"

"I just killed something!"

"What???"

(women can be sooo slow)

"In the spare room"

 

As they reenter the spare room, the now headless snake is still wiggling, blood is pooling up, and thoughts begin to occur like "where are the other snakes" and "will they come after us" and of course, "who is going to clean up this mess"

 

So he begins the process of cleaning the room while she tries to fall back asleep with their now awake daughter who wonders why she cannot be in the room with mom and dad.

 

As he's cleaning the room, and carefully scanning the entire house looking for other snakes he notices that this one does not have rattles and was probably harmless enough. He cleans the blood, puts back the knife and goes to bed.

 

Gets up, grabs knife, places it on nightstand.

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Remember hiding place overlooked, checks that

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Realizes, if they can reach the file cabinet, can reach the bed

Feels something under covers, leaps out of bed, throws off comforter

Cancels Snakes On A Plane from Netflix queue

Gets about three hours sleep and begins to search for entry point

 

Searching the outside of his home, he discovers his dryer vent is stuck open. Peering inside he learns the hose connecting the dryer to the vent is disconnected. So he reconnects, using much larger screws, getting it extra tight. Now I'm thinking about the snake coming in the dryer vent. What happens if that hose did not fall off, would it stay in the dryer? Would a snake appear as I am removing the lint screen!!!!

 

Damn him, I'm having someone else do my laundry.

Wow. And um, Tex, I'm not a herpetologist either, but take a close look at that picture. That is a western diamondback, I'd bet on it. Its not just the pattern either, look at its head - its clearly a viper. If it didn't have a rattle yet, that may just be because it was immature.

 

There are a few snakes that are non-vipers that imitate rattlers, but they don't have the triangular viper-type heads like that one does.

 

Your friend is very fortunate.

 

[kjshoe04]

That's a hell of a story.

[Texsox]

Wow. And um, Tex, I'm not a herpetologist either, but take a close look at that picture. That is a western diamondback, I'd bet on it. Its not just the pattern either, look at its head - its clearly a viper. If it didn't have a rattle yet, that may just be because it was immature.

 

There are a few snakes that are non-vipers that imitate rattlers, but they don't have the triangular viper-type heads like that one does.

 

Your friend is very fortunate.

 

His wife really doesn't like living 15 miles outside of town. I think it is wishful thinking on his part that it was harmless.

[Brian]

I hate snakes and if I read that story last night before going to bed, I would of been freaked out all night.

[Texsox]

I hate snakes and if I read that story last night before going to bed, I would of been freaked out all night.

I was freaked about removing the dryer lint screen. Thinking about a snake head popping out.

[FlaSoxxJim]

Wow. And um, Tex, I'm not a herpetologist either, but take a close look at that picture. That is a western diamondback, I'd bet on it. Its not just the pattern either, look at its head - its clearly a viper. If it didn't have a rattle yet, that may just be because it was immature.

 

There are a few snakes that are non-vipers that imitate rattlers, but they don't have the triangular viper-type heads like that one does.

 

Your friend is very fortunate.

 

Seems awful big to be so immature as to not have any rattles. There's also a lot of white space in between the dark blotches, more than is typical of a western diamondback. I think it may be a bull snake (aka gopher snake).

 

Not a herpatologist either, though. kyyle is pretty up on his herps though (insert STD joke here. . . ), so maybe he'll wander by and chime in.

[NorthSideSox72]

Seems awful big to be so immature as to not have any rattles. There's also a lot of white space in between the dark blotches, more than is typical of a western diamondback. I think it may be a bull snake (aka gopher snake).

 

Not a herpatologist either, though. kyyle is pretty up on his herps though (insert STD joke here. . . ), so maybe he'll wander by and chime in.

I had a run-in with a Sonoran King Gopher snake once - a subspecies with a habit of imitating rattlesnakes. They will feint a strike, swish their tail around, and sometimes have those diamond-like patterns. But the head shape is usually the best ID, and from what I can tell in that picture, that's a pit viper's head. Of course, its not exactly a great close-up.

 

see here the sonoran king I mentioned, which I came inches from stepping on:

 

Then see here, a pic I took of a western diamondback:

 

You decide.

 

[Texsox]

Another theory, a water moccasin

 

[IlliniKrush]

It takes some balls to go at a snake with a knife. I would have been calling for outside help.

[Chisoxfn]

I certainly wouldn't have used a knife. Maybe a f***ing sword but no god damn way would I have gotten that close to a freaking rattler (I have actually been hiking and had one pop up right in front of me (and when I say right in front of me, I mean like inches from my f***ing body). Luckily it continued on its marry weigh.

 

That same trip I also had one strike at me, thank god it didn't get close enough and I hightailed the f*** out of the way.

[Texsox]

I left out one part, as he walked closer to the file cabinet to see if it was a stuffed animal, it raised its head from the coil. That was his oh s*** moment.

[EvilMonkey]

When I was about 12, my dad took me hunting some place in southern Illinois where he grew up that he called 'snake valley'. After walking thru it about 30 minutes, I heard a thump, like something hitting my rubber boots, so I stopped. Didn't see anything, so started to walk again, and with each step heard a 'swish' sound in the leaves. I looked down, and there was some kind of snake stuck in my boot, that I was swishing thru the leaves as I walked. I almost blew my foot off when I saw it, I hate snakes, but my training prevailed and I didn't, but I sure screamed loud and made my dad cut it off my boot. Oh, and I left, too, and waited back at the truck until they were done. I have no idea what kind it was, and if I did, I can't remember, but it was about 2.5' long.

[Soxy]

I've had it with these motherf***ing snakes in this motherf***ing thread!

[FlaSoxxJim]

Then see here, a pic I took of a western diamondback:

 

You decide.

 

Where were you when you saw that rattlesnake? It looks almost more like a Baja rattler than a western diamondback.

 

[NorthSideSox72]

Where were you when you saw that rattlesnake? It looks almost more like a Baja rattler than a western diamondback.

Gila Wilderness in southwest New Mexico, at about 8000' ASL, on a closed forest service road reverting to a trail. I'm pretty sure its not a Baja rattler. And I don't know of a rattlesnake in that part of the country other than a d-back that looks like that.

 

[FlaSoxxJim]

Gila Wilderness in southwest New Mexico, at about 8000' ASL, on a closed forest service road reverting to a trail. I'm pretty sure its not a Baja rattler. And I don't know of a rattlesnake in that part of the country other than a d-back that looks like that.

 

If it's from southern NM, then no, probably not a Baja. But, knowing that, I do think that's an image of a Mojave rattlesnake, and not a western diamondback.

 

Here's a Mojave (Crotalus scutulatus):

 

 

All that aside, the snake from the shot Tex posted is certainly long enough that it would have had rattles if it was a rattlesnake. Bull snake is still my best guess for a rattler mimic, even with the pit-viperish head.

 

 

[HuskyCaucasian]

Snakes are ok with me in a controlled environment. But not in my bedroom!

[Soxy]

Snakes are ok with me in a controlled environment. But not in my bedroom!

I don't know--I don't mind a python in mine from time to time.

[FlaSoxxJim]

I don't know--I don't mind a python in mine from time to time.

 

Oh, Behave!

 

Or, maybe you are professing your secret love for John Cleese and Michael Palin?

[Texsox]

I don't know--I don't mind a python in mine from time to time.

I don't mind one, but two would be one too many . . .

[FlaSoxxJim]

They live in a ho-ho-ho-hole hole that is usually empty (tiny too).

They live by a co-co-co-code that is probably SMPTE

Well, maybe I think that is what keeps 'em in sync.

[HuskyCaucasian]

I don't know--I don't mind a python in mine from time to time.

:notworthy

[HuskyCaucasian]

I don't mind one, but two would be one too many . . .

No argument from me on that... well... oh I'm not going there.

[WhiteSoxfan1986]

One good thing about Illinois, poisonous snakes are very, very, very rare.