Texsox Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 We've had so many advice threads, from jobs to relationships. The bummer is, not everyone feels qualified to answer. Now it's your chance. Of course this is satirical. Answer a question, and ask a question. Starting off . . . A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilMonkey Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 11:23 AM) We've had so many advice threads, from jobs to relationships. The bummer is, not everyone feels qualified to answer. Now it's your chance. Of course this is satirical. Answer a question, and ask a question. Starting off . . . A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas? Ask them "Are those your guns, or are you just happy to see me?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 12:23 PM) A politician writes in . . . The cops just came and arrested me, I'm not certain what to do next. Any ideas? Answer: Rework the anti-gay marriage portions of that little stump speech of yours. Your new bunk mates aren't really into anything as long-term or serious marriage, they just want to. . . date you for a little while. And considering how your "get tough on crime" mandatory minimums have sent some of them to jail, some of your new friends are probably going to date the $h1t out of you. OK, new question: My 14-year old daughter wants to date a boy thee years older than her. Like any good father, I just want to make sure she is safe. I know she'll at least be safe with the boy when they are driving together because he has an old Chevy conversion van from back when they used to make them solid. Do you think I should let her date this boy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Make a post on soxtalk and see what they have too say. A mans new boss so happens to be the girl he used to love back in college.She is interested and wants a relationship but he has to quit his high paying job once they start having sex.In this economy I dont know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (FlaSoxxJim @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 12:07 PM) OK, new question: My 14-year old daughter wants to date a boy thee years older than her. Like any good father, I just want to make sure she is safe. I know she'll at least be safe with the boy when they are driving together because he has an old Chevy conversion van from back when they used to make them solid. Do you think I should let her date this boy? Tell her to go for it. And try the whole flower child thing. Barefoot, small town, take him by the hand. You know that should work. I have to go to the company Christmas party and want to seem professional. I never drink alcohol, what should I drink? I know I will be nervous and probably will drink a lot of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 (edited) QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 01:14 PM) Tell her to go for it. And try the whole flower child thing. Barefoot, small town, take him by the hand. You know that should work. I have to go to the company Christmas party and want to seem professional. I never drink alcohol, what should I drink? I know I will be nervous and probably will drink a lot of them. Answer: Novice drinkers should play it safe and stick with drinking only clear liquor. Vodka and gin are always a good bet. I got my wife and my girlfriend both the same monogrammed pendant for Christmas, but I think I sent me wife the one that was supposed to go to the girlfriend. Oops! My wife's initials are "WSM" but she's going to get a pendant with the initals "FSA" on it. What should I tell her that stands for? Edited December 9, 2008 by FlaSoxxJim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve9347 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Ask them if they want your real ID or your fake one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (FlaSoxxJim @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 12:17 PM) Answer: Novice drinkers should play it safe and stick with drinking only clear liquor. Vodka and gin are always a good bet. I got my wife and my girlfriend both the same monogrammed pendant for Christmas, but I think I sent me wife the one that was supposed to go to the girlfriend. Oops! My wife's initials are "WSM" but she's going to get a pendant with the initals "FSA" on it. What should I tell her that stands for? Tell her it stands for Favorite Sorority Ass! It was earned in college, but the award was late in arriving. And keep telling your girlfriend it means Will Soon be Married. Player I'm thinking of getting a White Sox theme tattoo, where and what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostfan Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 02:02 PM) Tell her it stands for Favorite Sorority Ass! It was earned in college, but the award was late in arriving. And keep telling your girlfriend it means Will Soon be Married. Player I'm thinking of getting a White Sox theme tattoo, where and what? You should get a Sox tattoo on each butt cheek, but also concentric circles around the hole so it looks like a target. That way when you get tickets to the Sox game you can sit in the outfield, and bend over, it'll be just like having one of those target signs. Also, if security comes, make a big scene, preferably by getting physical and/or violent with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Question: My two favorite things are playing with high-voltage electricity and swimming, but I hate it when I'm doing activity one and can't enjoy the other at the same time. Any advice on how to bring these two great hobbies together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balta1701 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (FlaSoxxJim @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 11:49 AM) Question: My two favorite things are playing with high-voltage electricity and swimming, but I hate it when I'm doing activity one and can't enjoy the other at the same time. Any advice on how to bring these two great hobbies together? Dry suit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (shipps @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 03:46 PM) Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you. You have multiple options here involving one or more of the folowing: • Drop your pants and sing the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies • Randomly punch other participants • Fall to the ground in the fetal position and sob uncontrollably while repeating "Shut Up . . I'm Sorry. . . Shut Up" over and over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balta1701 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (shipps @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 12:46 PM) Question:What do you do when you participate in a game and apparently have no idea what the point of the game is and everyone ignores you. Javy? Is that you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shipps Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (FlaSoxxJim @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 03:11 PM) You have multiple options here involving one or more of the folowing: • Drop your pants and sing the theme from the Beverly Hillbillies • Randomly punch other participants • Fall to the ground in the fetal position and sob uncontrollably while repeating "Shut Up . . I'm Sorry. . . Shut Up" over and over I already had my pants down soooooo I will go and find someone to punch because Tex and you live too far away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkfan Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Saturday I will be Flying down to Orlando, Florida to have Christmas with my family. I am Flying with American Airlines and ever since the stewardesses have become less attractive, I've noticed the quality of service sink significantly. I'm going to need a steady flow of cold cold beer, and I know I can't count on them, so how can I sneak a 30 rack of Keystones on to the plane with me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balta1701 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (Hawkfan @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 01:35 PM) Saturday I will be Flying down to Orlando, Florida to have Christmas with my family. I am Flying with American Airlines and ever since the stewardesses have become less attractive, I've noticed the quality of service sink significantly. I'm going to need a steady flow of cold cold beer, and I know I can't count on them, so how can I sneak a 30 rack of Keystones on to the plane with me? Empty them in to the only container you have available beforehand; your stomach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 There's a report out of a shark that walks on land and eats people. My question is, there's a candygram at the door right now and I really like candy. Do you think the candygram guy would help me watch out for the "land shark?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlaSoxxJim Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (knightni @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 04:48 PM) There's a report out of a shark that walks on land and eats people. My question is, there's a candygram at the door right now and I really like candy. Do you think the candygram guy would help me watch out for the "land shark?" I certainly think two sets of eyes would be safer than one. Besides, hey, Free Candy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 QUOTE (FlaSoxxJim @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 04:51 PM) I certainly think two sets of eyes would be safer than one. Besides, hey, Free Candy! The candygram guy agreed with you, he said that if I offered him root beer and oreos that I'd be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texsox Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkfan Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 10, 2008 -> 12:36 AM) My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss? Beat him with a sock full of oranges? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 06:36 PM) My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss? Hire Malcolm McDowell and friends to kidnap him and duct tape him to a chair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witesoxfan Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 9, 2008 -> 05:36 PM) My wife and boss said I spend too much time here, I fired the wife, what should I do about my boss? tell him to make you a sandwich New question: I have a girlfriend, but her voice is deeper than mine, she's growing a full beard, she sits around and drinks beer all day watching the football game, and never has time to be with me. What should I tell her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knightni Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Get her money back from the Sex Change operation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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