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The really bad advice thread


Texsox

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QUOTE (BigSqwert @ Dec 11, 2008 -> 11:09 AM)
I want to become more environmentally conscious. What should I do with the huge pile of tires I've been collecting and my vintage collection of mercury based thermometers?

 

Dear Kathy-Lee

 

Thanks for writing! There are starving kids in China who make toys out of those materials . . . So be inspired and start your own factory. Pay the neighborhood kids $.07 per toy. Donate all the profits, after paying yourself $$$$, to charity to avoid the liberal press ripping you apart.

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QUOTE (BigSqwert @ Dec 11, 2008 -> 11:09 AM)
I want to become more environmentally conscious. What should I do with the huge pile of tires I've been collecting and my vintage collection of mercury based thermometers?

 

Hold a big enviornmental bon fire to invite all of your green friends over to. That way you can all talk about ways to save the planet. Use the tires as the fire material, to show that we shouldn't dump them in landfills. Then dump the Mercury out of the thermometers to play with your new friends to show how cool mother earth can be freed from the contraints of mankind.

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QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 11, 2008 -> 08:00 AM)
A letter to Soxtalk

 

My boyfriend wants to pretend to make a porn film. He has all the lights and a camera in his room. He promises there will not be any film in the camera. What should I do?

 

 

Tex, is this you again? I keep telling you to be cool. It will be OK.

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QUOTE (BigSqwert @ Dec 11, 2008 -> 01:32 PM)
I just purchased a 1976 conversion van with limo tints on the driver and passenger windows, a new puppy, and a 3lb bag of candy. Anyone have some pointers on where I should drive to test out my new van?

 

You know who likes vans, puppies and candy? 4th graders! Find your nearest elementary school and park right across the street...don't want to get in the way of the teachers leaving from a long day of teaching. Have the back open and just sit there petting your puppy with candy strewn about. The kids will come a-runnin'!

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Dec 12, 2008 -> 05:06 AM)
I've been talking to my girlfriend for a while to try and go down the Hershey Highway, and she finally agreed to do it on one condition: that I take her out to a restaurant. Where should I take her and what should I suggest she gets?

 

Hot and spicy food makes for hot and spicy romance! Dinner at a quiet Mexican restaurant will really set the mood. Order for her (chicks dig that) and get her something laden with lots of beans, peppers and chiles. Since you both obviously like chocolate, something with that flavor will be nice for dessert.

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QUOTE (witesoxfan @ Dec 12, 2008 -> 05:06 AM)
I've been talking to my girlfriend for a while to try and go down the Hershey Highway, and she finally agreed to do it on one condition: that I take her out to a restaurant. Where should I take her and what should I suggest she gets?

have her eat some pistachios and corn so there's some color and texture...

 

(Great thread, it reminds me of the Bad Idea Jeans sketch from SNL which is in the their top ten of all time in my opinion)

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My girlfriend thinks that having separate bachelor and bachelorette parties is stupid. She wants to have one big party for everyone and she's picking out the stripper, food, and drinks. I get to pick out the table decorations, color scheme, and party games. She also said she wants to snowball my best man. I said yes and she seemed surprised, I guess it's because the party is in June :huh and there might not be any snow. My buddies think this is a really bad idea. I don't know what to do.
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QUOTE (Texsox @ Dec 12, 2008 -> 09:30 AM)
My girlfriend thinks that having separate bachelor and bachelorette parties is stupid. She wants to have one big party for everyone and she's picking out the stripper, food, and drinks. I get to pick out the table decorations, color scheme, and party games. She also said she wants to snowball my best man. The party is in June and I'm worried there might not be any snow. My buddies think this is a really bad idea. I don't know what to do.

 

:lolhitting

 

That is rich right there.

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