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Bad Advice Thread II


knightni

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QUOTE (knightni @ Feb 4, 2009 -> 01:02 AM)
I'm thinking we should go see a movie after dinner, any suggestions?

 

First of all, find a quaint theater that screams romance. Usually they show X rated films.

 

When you go to the movie, pay for yourself. Then have her meet you around the back alley and let her in.

 

Make sure you get refreshments. Have her smuggle in 2 Jewel generic orange pop, make sure hers is a diet. Bring some candy as well. The best kind is the hard candy that grandparents keep in a dish on their front room table for 20 years. It never goes bad.

 

Be a gentleman and sit her in the front row so she can see the movie real well. Then you move towards the middle of the theater so you don't crowd her.

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QUOTE (knightni @ Feb 4, 2009 -> 02:02 AM)
I'm thinking we should go see a movie after dinner, any suggestions?

You need to go see a really sad movie--to show her your sensitive. I suggest opening the conversation by saying "Wasn't Schindler's list a brilliant film?" And then take her to see whatever Holocaust fare is playing near you. Make sure you cry very loudly during the movie--you want her to see how sensitive you are and how open with your emotions.

 

It would also really impress her if you ate a box of Milk Duds during the movie--remember chewing loudly just lets girls now about your oral prowess!

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QUOTE (knightni @ Feb 4, 2009 -> 01:02 AM)
I'm thinking we should go see a movie after dinner, any suggestions?

 

Pfft. Forget a movie! Its Vday. If you take her out, you better get some out of it! I suggest going and finding some lingere for her to wear, you know to set the mood, but make sure to get it a couple of sizes too big, that way she will be comfortable in it.

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You want a romantic dinner with a built in close? "Cook" her dinner at your place, because its that much closer to your bed. I would order in catering from somewhere and put some pots and pans in the sink, and when she arrives pull it out of the over or something of the sort making it look like you just finished the meal. Pour a ton of booze, eat, booze, sex, usher her out the door, PS3.

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QUOTE (southsider2k5 @ Feb 4, 2009 -> 09:25 AM)
Pfft. Forget a movie! Its Vday. If you take her out, you better get some out of it! I suggest going and finding some lingere for her to wear, you know to set the mood, but make sure to get it a couple of sizes too big, that way she will be comfortable in it.

 

He should really get matching lingerie to wear himself as well. A couple of sizes too small for him. It will show her that he really is about equality.

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If you really love your girlfriend you should consider constructing a dungeon in your basement and locking her in there after Valentine's dinner. That way you'll always be near each other. In order to make her feel more at ease with this I would also purchase a leather mask like this one

 

ww2_mask-01.jpg

 

and a voice changer device and use them whenever you go down to visit her. You don't want her to think you're completely obsessed with her. Make her guess at who it is whenever you go down to the dungeon.

Edited by BigSqwert
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Everybody here seems convinced the date will end with consummation, and hopefully it does. But here's what you have to keep in mind. Relationships are best when you don't have to try so hard that it becomes work, and nowhere is that more true than in the bedroom. Don't get all worked up about trying to please her or you're working too hard. Skip the foreplay entirely — get in, get out, and then let your sweetheart make you a nice sandwich. Like Bigfoot, the myth of the "female orgasm" is one that Americans spend way too much time obsessing over anyway, and here's your chance to show what a highly evolved man you are.

Edited by FlaSoxxJim
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Share some intimate details about yourself with her, such as what your favorite meal is. Then show her how thoughtful you are by going out to the store to get all the ingredients so she can make it for you for Valentine's Day. When you're eating the food, remember to be completely honest about how she cooked the food, she'll appreciate it cause she'll want to make sure she'll do a better job next time. When you're done eating, tell her how full you are and make sure you let out some burps to prove it, then loosen your belt as you get up to go back to watching tv in the family room. Let her have time to concentrate on washing all the dishes, pots, and pans by herself.

Edited by SouthsideDon48
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