Spank the Kiddies

[SoxAce]

When I was a kid, I thought getting spanked all the time was child abuse, mom & dad don't love me, blah, blah blah. But I'll tell ya what, I'm glad they did as it's helped me as a person in life become respectful, outgoing, polite, mature, etc.. Sure I can be a bad ass out here, but I know I'm not that kid acting a fool in public, or in a jail cell doing something stupid. I can also tell the difference between me and my sister who is my age, and my little brother who is about 7-8 years younger than me, on how wild he is cause of my parents getting older raising him.

[rangercal]

When I was a kid, I thought getting spanked all the time was child abuse, mom & dad don't love me, blah, blah blah. But I'll tell ya what, I'm glad they did as it's helped me as a person in life become respectful, outgoing, polite, mature, etc.. Sure I can be a bad ass out here, but I know I'm not that kid acting a fool in public, or in a jail cell doing something stupid. I can also tell the difference between me and my sister who is my age, and my little brother who is about 7-8 years younger than me, on how wild he is cause of my parents getting older raising him.

 

this

[Soxy]

I understand the theory, and both my wife and I are well read on it - however, try as you might, occasionally there's nothing else to get through to a strong willed child. We do positive reinforcement, we do time out, we take things away - and at times none of it works. I mean it's not like I go around beating my child 24/7, but there's certain times where NOTHING else gets her attention. I hate it, but it is what it is.

Yeah, I mean, I agree. But it's tricky--I think (and Skinner would back me up here) that kids cannot be spanked out of anger. They they just learn to associate anger with the spanking--not whatever bad thing they did. So I think you have to be dead calm for it to work.

[EvilMonkey]

Yeah, I mean, I agree. But it's tricky--I think (and Skinner would back me up here) that kids cannot be spanked out of anger. They they just learn to associate anger with the spanking--not whatever bad thing they did. So I think you have to be dead calm for it to work.

But for ommission training to work, the parents have to have a strong enough will to stick with it and mnake it punishment. Not take somethgin away for a day only, or SAY they will do somethgin for a week and cave in a few hours. My kids got whacked occasionally, but not often. Thankfully the didn't act up too much to require it.

[Disco72]

But for ommission training to work, the parents have to have a strong enough will to stick with it and mnake it punishment. Not take somethgin away for a day only, or SAY they will do somethgin for a week and cave in a few hours. My kids got whacked occasionally, but not often. Thankfully the didn't act up too much to require it.

 

My understanding of omission is that you have to remove the stimulus that is causing the negative behavior. For example, if a kid acting up in class is getting laughs from his classmates, removing the laughs (postive reinforcement of the behavior) is omission. Another example would be if a child is acting up just to get attention, not giving attention is also omission as you remove the reinforcement (attention) of the behavior (acting up). Taking away something is still punishment, just a different - and non-physical - form.

[3E8]

My dad spanked me a couple times, then after that used to threaten me with the chance of spanking. If I did such and such again "I would have the reddest butt in town." It scared me into not misbehaving, I'm not sure if that is considered an evil parenting tactic but it worked somewhat on me

[SoxFan1]

Hell ya I got spanked. If you f*** up, you deserve to pay for it. I'm glad my parents and grandparents did it when I was young, because you learn how not to step out of line. I'll most certainly be spanking my kids, but not to the extent of the wooden spoons and frying pans like my grandma did to me. The thing that backfired with me was that when my dad spanked me, I always thought it was funny because of the look on his face. That didn't help.

[SoxFan1]

When I was a kid, I thought getting spanked all the time was child abuse, mom & dad don't love me, blah, blah blah. But I'll tell ya what, I'm glad they did as it's helped me as a person in life become respectful, outgoing, polite, mature, etc.. Sure I can be a bad ass out here, but I know I'm not that kid acting a fool in public, or in a jail cell doing something stupid. I can also tell the difference between me and my sister who is my age, and my little brother who is about 7-8 years younger than me, on how wild he is cause of my parents getting older raising him.

Well said.

[Heads22]

Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a padddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

[Soxy]

My understanding of omission is that you have to remove the stimulus that is causing the negative behavior. For example, if a kid acting up in class is getting laughs from his classmates, removing the laughs (postive reinforcement of the behavior) is omission. Another example would be if a child is acting up just to get attention, not giving attention is also omission as you remove the reinforcement (attention) of the behavior (acting up). Taking away something is still punishment, just a different - and non-physical - form.

Omission training is sometimes called negative punishment--but that's confusing--so I just go with omission

[santo=dorf]

Spanking your kids today is the only way to teach them the lesson that when they grow up they shouldn't spank their kids.

[FlaSoxxJim]

Spanking your kids today is the only way to teach them the lesson that when they grow up they shouldn't spank their kids.

 

Exactly right. How else are you going to teach your kids not to be s***ty abusive parents unless you really take the time to be s***ty abusive parents to your kids?

[kapkomet]

Exactly right. How else are you going to teach your kids not to be s***ty abusive parents unless you really take the time to be s***ty abusive parents to your kids?

What? I'll reserve comment until I figure out what you mean.

[FlaSoxxJim]

What? I'll reserve comment until I figure out what you mean.

 

I didn't think I was being particularly cryptic with my comment.

[MHizzle85]

Spanking your kids today is the only way to teach them the lesson that when they grow up they shouldn't spank their kids.

I was spanked as a child & I plan on doing it to my children. I don't resent my dad for doing it since he only would use it if it were necessary.

[kapkomet]

I didn't think I was being particularly cryptic with my comment.

So now I'm a "child abuser" if I spank my kid?

[FlaSoxxJim]

So now I'm a "child abuser" if I spank my kid?

 

No. And I'm in total agreement with your earlier post about different corrective means working for different kids.

 

I don't pretend to have all the answers when it comes to parenting, and I know I get it wrong as often as I get it right.

 

But. . . the clearest demarcation in this particular continuum is the one separating parents that resort to physical violence (however mild) as a behavioral deterrent and those that don't — not the one separating the parents who employ an entirely non-injurious spanking versus those who beat the crap out of their kids and have convinced themselves that's what passes for "firm parenting." We all know about the intergenerational cycle of aggression and violence created in these cases, and I'm not remotely suggesting you or anyone in this conversation is in that camp. But that extreme represents the antithesis of the parent and person I'm trying to be, so spanking versus not spanking is one of the easier choices for me as a parent.

 

If I've made a decision to attempt (not always successfully) to instill in my kids a core belief that violence is never the proper course in conflict resolution, then I'd be shooting myself in the foot if i were to employ spanking as a corrective tool. Truth is, like most parents there are plenty of times I want to throttle 'em. Instead, i try (and often fail at) other forms of corrective action.

[kapkomet]

No. And I'm in total agreement with your earlier post about different corrective means working for different kids.

 

I don't pretend to have all the answers when it comes to parenting, and I know I get it wrong as often as I get it right.

 

But. . . the clearest demarcation in this particular continuum is the one separating parents that resort to physical violence (however mild) as a behavioral deterrent and those that don't — not the one separating the parents who employ an entirely non-injurious spanking versus those who beat the crap out of their kids and have convinced themselves that's what passes for "firm parenting." We all know about the intergenerational cycle of aggression and violence created in these cases, and I'm not remotely suggesting you or anyone in this conversation is in that camp. But that extreme represents the antithesis of the parent and person I'm trying to be, so spanking versus not spanking is one of the easier choices for me as a parent.

 

If I've made a decision to attempt (not always successfully) to instill in my kids a core belief that violence is never the proper course in conflict resolution, then I'd be shooting myself in the foot if i were to employ spanking as a corrective tool. Truth is, like most parents there are plenty of times I want to throttle 'em. Instead, i try (and often fail at) other forms of corrective action.

Ok... that makes sense. That's why I was trying to ask before I went off all stupidly.

 

Truth is, I would prefer to NEVER spank, but we've come to realize that NOTHING else redirects sometimes. Not very often (thank goodness), but sometimes. For us, it's always try to redirect her behavior in any way possible. If the behavior worsens, then we go to that. Example: we take away some of her favorite toys. "OH, PLEASE TAKE IT AWAY." Then she starts kicking and screaming. There's no reasoning with that. She's thriving on the negative attention at that point.

 

I'll tell you, it's a tough thing - her being so strong willed.

[farmteam]

And sometimes a three year old. It just happens. Then I get the "you suck as a parent look" and I want to b**** slap the motherf***er who has that look. This is one that REALLY pisses me off.

 

I don't mind if the kid is crying or making a scene or whatever -- kids do that. I do mind when it goes on long enough, and the parents don't do anything (such as take the child outside for a bit).

[kapkomet]

I don't mind if the kid is crying or making a scene or whatever -- kids do that. I do mind when it goes on long enough, and the parents don't do anything (such as take the child outside for a bit).

We always try to remove her from the situation.